Do you remember your parents arguing as children?

[heartbroken22]

There are one or two that stand out that made me think please stop or why do they always argue. One at home and one at the doctors. It was awful.

also did you ever view one parent better than the other? Maybe at different times. It’s amazing kids we see whose struggling and who needs help etc

Yes a lot. Lots of snidey nasty little comments to each other too. A lot of unkindness. It really screwed up my view of what a relationship should look like.

No mine never did - pas devant les enfants - was their rule. No arguments or financial discussions. It made for a happy childhood, despite it being the 70s with the whole three day week thing, rolling power cuts, constant strikes and winter of discontent. I spent it in happy oblivion, cooking on camping gas with a Tilley lamp hissing in the background. The smell of paraffin takes me right back there.

I see things on the TV now, like that poor 11 year old child worried about her father losing his job in Scunthorpe, I feel really sorry for the child. Why would you do that to them and then allowing them to be interviewed and asked how they feel? Awful parenting.

My parents argued continuously throughout my childhood, from low level bickering to all out war. One of my key childhood memories is coming home from a party and asking if I could have dinner. It resulted in my dad throwing a plate against a wall.
I left at 19 and never lived with them again. I found a lovely life partner. We rarely argue and only did so once in front of our eldest daughter. The look on her face was enough for me to never do it again.
So 2 extremes but one as a consequence of the other.

My parents argued occasionally, maybe when they were late for something. It wasn't a big deal - I don't remember being frightened. My parents loved each other and got on really well, but everyone gets cross sometimes. My mum would sometimes just get too hot and stressed out and my dad would be stubborn and unhelpful and BOOM. And then it would be sorry and hugs and we'd get back in the car and carry on.

The thing is, they liked each other. So we didn't worry.

All the time they are still together 30 years later i don’t know how. I’d never subject my daughter to that it’s horrible for children.

Arguments as in disagreements/heated discussions didnt bother me but I would sometimes wake in the night to hear bitter rows that went on and on and they terrified me.

I remember them having arguments and I really hated hearing them argue. Having said that, they are still very happily married after 56 years, so I guess those were normal married arguments and not as serious as I interpreted them to be when I was a child.

My childhood was an absolute warzone. Teenage parents who went for each other on a regular basis. I can vividly remember sitting on the stairs, frozen with fear with a huge lump in my throat. Then days of silence until they made up and the cycle started again.

The worse part were the rows in bed. My dad would come to my room, wake me up to swop beds with him. Always picked on me. My mother would be on me if I so much as moved in her bed, so I ended up with the brunt of her anger. We were also treated to my mother's numerous adulteries and witnessed her having sex with her boyfriends whilst my dad was at work.

My parents should not have been allowed to keep us. They were too young, immature and ignorant. We're all completely estranged from each other as adults, mainly due to my mother's manipulations. It was a complete car crash of a childhood.

It can be good if children see their parents or other adults disagreeing sometimes, as long as they then listen to each other, and argue until they hammer out a compromise. But disagreements involving violence, obviously not.

There were always lots of arguments in our house. They were loud and sometimes included things being thrown/broken.

I grew up thinking one parent was a loud angry bully and the other a meek mild person who was constantly trying to please. Took until I was in my 20s to realise quiet parent was actually the driver of most of the arguments. They quietly did really shitty things over and over until the other parent exploded, then they’d comment things like “why are you shouting. You’re crazy.”

Thinking one parent was a bully was horrible as a kid, but realising how snide the other was as an adult was worse. It’s led to a lot of issues between me and my parents.

My parents frequently had horrible arguments with shouting and being unkind to each but not violent and not in front of us although we would listen to every word. My mum seemed to always be criticising nagging or moaning. It is frightening for children as it feels very insecure when your parents don’t love each other properly and DM always unhappy and cross.

What drove me crazy was that they would repeat things like a predictable script during every row and just keep going over ‘the time you did X’. Even when I was young I remember thinking why can’t you just sort it out and not keep repeating yourselves? - we always knew what the next line would be.

Went the completely opposite way and have never had a row with DH in 45 years. We might disagree but we just discuss it like normal human beings and either resolve or accept differences. One DC blames us for never arguing as she thinks it’s unnatural😆 - now maybe she’ll find a good middle way, but we both like peace.

Yes, every Christmas in my memory my parents would have an argument about a week before so they wouldn’t be talking to each other which would create a horrible atmosphere. The arguments would then occur on a regular basis (their birthdays are a week apart so that was also a terrible time)
both my parents have narcissistic traits and they like to encourage each other into believing they are victims and everyone takes advantage of them whereas they take no responsibility for their actions. My mum likes to be in total control and is easily offended, actively looking at others behaviour for any signs (despite her acting exactly the same way). We had very little interaction with extended family as my mums behaviour extended to them too, my parents had few friends which made my childhood quite dysfunctional.

it has affected both myself and my siblings but in different ways, for me, I’m sad and struggle to get over it especially when I spend time with my school friends and although all of us were brought up with very little money they were all loved. I have been completely different with my children they know they are loved and my husband and I never argue.

I relate to all of this

I was also going to post that I remember my mother causing a lot of tension for a while and I now realise that she would’ve been around 50 so quite possibly it was due to her being perimenopausal.
I did think at the time that maybe my father was having an affair, and I thought it was with a family friend who lived with my female cousin and who he got on well with. What I didn’t realise at the time was that the friend was a lesbian and was my cousin’s partner.

Apart from this weird time I don’t remember them having arguments.

Constantly. It's why I'm single. I never want to live in an atmosphere like that.

Our house is calm, relaxed, happy. DS and I seldom argue. It's like living on a different planet 😊

No, but I think my dad had just been beaten down by my mum's dominance and certainty that she was right. He'd occasionally go against her or tell her to calm down but generally he'd keep quiet. She'd save most of her arguments for me.

My parents rarely argued. I still remember eavesdropping and my mum saying to my Dad that she will never have an argument in front of her children so I guess that's why. She must've had her reasons, my grandmother wasn't the most pleasant person so that may have had something to do with it.

I can relate to that, when I got older I was always her target.

I wasn't necessarily her 'target', but I think she had a lot of pent up frustration and I wasn't the cute little girlie-girl daughter that she imagined she'd have, so I suspect I was a bit of a thorn in her side (not behaviour wise, just not being what she'd expected).

Not arguments as such but occasional, fairly ordinary disagreements. However, my mum would regularly stop talking to my father, or all of us, as a result of some perceived slight. Often we didn’t even know what caused it and the silences could go on for weeks until she slowly thawed.

I don’t know whether that is worse than having to listen to all-out shouting but it did affect my friendships for a long time as I assumed that was the best way to deal with conflict.

Yes so I dint arrgu. I hold it all in to protect my kids. My dd describes me as a sponge I hold so much then it's game over. I blow my top. This is rare but does happen.
So I'm now an active avoidant refuse to discuss things build resentment with partners to avoid confrontation. It all builds up then I split with them. I was with kids dad from 17 til 33 married aged 21. I had to much hate and to much unresolved issues with him. Because I wouldn't arrgu or say my point as I wanted to protect the kids from the rowing
Same occurred in most recent relationship 2.5 years I kept quiet i was passive tbh I became codependent and when I noticed things wasn't happy with i did not say anything. Again I now have a lot of resentment and I've kicked him out and this time I mean it.

No they never argued and will use that as evidence they were great parents. But I remember my mothers passive aggressively hurt moods and my dad hiding from her in the pub. I used to think my dad was my favourite parent because my mother did such emotional damage to me but he does recently and all I felt was sorry for his suffering like I would the death of and elderly relative of a friend.

it’s not just about what you witness it’s about how you are treated too

All the bloody time - it was so burdensome and I hated it deeply.

Agree with this. My parents did argue - sometimes over really serious issues - and yes sometimes it was worrying as a child, but they are still together and I learnt that you can argue and still love each other.

Contrast to my husband whose parents didn't model healthy disagreement in relationships - he can't cope at all with disagreement/arguments between us. It's really damaging.

Yes, I remember as a teenager working out that there was a pattern: DM would put up with things for so long that resentment built up & then she’d scream at DDad. I don’t remember it happening often, but it was memorable when it did. DDad was of the mind that if he didn’t do much, he couldn’t get much wrong. I can see how frustrating DM must have found that.