Husband had an affair - advice needed!

[Strawberrina]

I found out last year that my husband had an affair with a work colleague who is 25 years younger than him. The affair was emotional as well as physical. He was and is her manager at the workplace. The difficulty is that they continue to work together in a small office consisting of 4-5 members of staff, including them, and see each other almost every day. The town in which we live is a small regional town and there are limited jobs available for someone with his level of experience. We have reconciled and are working through things, but I'm at my wits end about what to do! I'm not happy that they work together and see each other almost daily.
Any advice would be welcome!

Did the (literally) hundreds of comments before the week not give you reason to think??

@NeverHadHaveHas Of course they did.

This thread started April last year, with husband had an affair last year,
Honestly op how has this thread got hundreds of replies and advice to which you haven't taken on board or actually got any help/advice from a professional, or marriage councilor,

Your happy obviously with the situation your h must think its Xmas,

You can only help people if they really truly want help op, and you don't,

Are you happy op, do you sleep well knowing what the man laying next to you is doing and you handed it to him on a plate op,

This thread is nearly up to 40, hopefully op has all she's needs from it not to start another one,

Your title post is a lie, you do not want "advice", you have ignored 34 pages of well meant and considerate advice from concerned posters. Your marriage is a sham, your husband is using you to bankrol his new busines and affair for another year. Jeez, you are so niaive it makes so many people on here wonder if you are actually for real. Enjoy you sham of a marriage, you are a doormat, not a valued wife and partner.

Or are you waiting for one person amongst the many hundreds to say" keep your husband, he is a prince amongst men"! You are going to be waiting until hell freezes over for that to happen.

Just a thought:

for the rest of us to comment / reply as the Op's head is in the clouds

As the Op's 'd'h is approaching 60, and planning on giving his notice to his current employer, I guess he can start taking his private pension...

would this mean that he could choose between taking a lump sum and monthly payments or he could choose not to have a lump sum and have larger monthly payments instead ?

if one were to take larger monthly payments, would this mean in the event of a divorce
there would be no pension as such for the Op to request 50% of ?

as the 'd'h would claim he needs the monthly pension payments as income as he is retired and no longer has a salary to live in...

and if I can think of this, I am sure it has crossed the 'd'h's mind esp as he has already seen a financial advisor...

And what conclusions of your own have you reached? You’ve had nearly a year of asking questions and receiving advice. Surely you’ve formulated your own view?

He had the fling in the first place. Do you think he valued your marriage then? People make mistakes. Your H makes thousands of choices, and for 4 months, he chose his penis and his ego over you and your family. You might be able to live with that but most people couldn't. Most people couldn't wonder everytime their partner left the room who he was doing.

This is exactly what I was thinking.
Get divorce now or you will be worse off when hes not working or if he still sees her and divorces you

What evidence has he given you that he values your marriage more than a fling with a coworker? What do your feelings tell you? Do you feel consistently safe and calm with this person? If so, why? If not, why not?

So you found out "because of changes " ?
That was it?
must be more.

Sorry @trustedadult, what do you mean by that?

How you found out. You said he just changed so did you then challenge him and he confessed, or jump to a conclusion

omg @Strawberrinaare you wilfully dim?? Engage your brain. She’s asking how you found out he was shagging her because in a pp you said you found out about the affair by ‘changes in his behaviour’, which is vague.

Bit harsh

Read the full thread. I think you’ll find the vast majority of posters would agree and have said similar if not worse.

Aha
maybe he's not having an affair and that's the twist. She never found out anything

I actually couldn't care less what she does. She has no intention of sorting out her marriage and has allowed this situation to progress for 9 months with no real solution. If I was pressed further, I would question whether this is real or a figment of some bored immature persons imagination. It is written in the same vague, non commital and deliberate ignoring of advice responses, as a thread about 18 months ago, that eventually got deleted by MN for breaching guidelines and being fake. So I wont waste anymore time commenting on it.

@summitfever Not yet. His last day of long service leave is the 28th of February and he is required to give 4 weeks' notice. So he needs to make a decision by the end of this month. We are looking into and assessing our finances now to see if we, as a couple and family, can make it on one income.

You get worse with every post. Please take this thread down, it is made up at best, and at its worst; insulting to the intelligence of all the hundreds that have offered genuine "advise"..

She’s just rage baiting. I think the best thing is just to ignore at this stage as advice is fruitless.

You shouldn’t have to struggle as a family on one income, just because you can’t trust your husband while he’s at work. This is not normal.

I’m at the point where I have decided the thread is not real.
The latest update, saying they are just now, 2 weeks before a decision has to be made, discussing it shows how ridiculous this whole situation is.
Op I think at this stage you just need to continue just doing what you’re doing and deal with the consequences.
At this stage the pair of you are as bad as each other, normally I’d say at least you are not ruining another couple but in this instance there is another couple, your DH and his girlfriend