Husband had an affair - advice needed!

[Strawberrina]

I found out last year that my husband had an affair with a work colleague who is 25 years younger than him. The affair was emotional as well as physical. He was and is her manager at the workplace. The difficulty is that they continue to work together in a small office consisting of 4-5 members of staff, including them, and see each other almost every day. The town in which we live is a small regional town and there are limited jobs available for someone with his level of experience. We have reconciled and are working through things, but I'm at my wits end about what to do! I'm not happy that they work together and see each other almost daily.
Any advice would be welcome!

@TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit What do you mean? In what way am I pathetic?

Because you are accepting so little from your creepy husband when he has done so much to betray you. Lining you up beautifully for his next affair.

I think what Turtle is trying to say is that your reactions along with your inability to stop a man walking all over you, who very clearly doesn’t give a fuck about you, is pathetic. This man is offering you nothing and you can’t or won’t see it.

You sound pathetic because he clearly doesn't love you. He is using you. He will set up his new business and will leave you or just continue cheating because you let him. There are no consequences and he is laughing at you. He is still fucking the OW. Please wise up and grow a spine. The lies you believe are laughable.

Why are you supporting a man who cheated on you? He betrayed you. Now he gets to quit his job and you fund his cheating lifestyle. The trips, drinks, meals and hotels with the OW are now going to be funded solely by you. The fact that you think he won't continue is absurd. It never stopped, surely you know this. You had to go abroad to keep his dick out of another woman.

Without a doubt you are clearly delusional about this man and need a monumental amount of therapy. This is harsh but OP you need it. I have never read a thread that is more ridiculous than this. You are a doormat and he knows it.

Did you miss the countless messages from countless people explaining? Or is this whole thread a piss take?

A while back I posited the theory that OP was an academic doing research because I could not fathom how anyone could be so bizarrely passive about being monumentally fucked over by the man she claimed to love. I now wonder whether there is some kind of deep-seated issue here which means OP just can’t fathom a life alone.

Every time this thread pops up again I just know OP will still be plodding along, wilfully blind to what’s happening to her, suckling on the dead teat of her marriage like a blind puppy.

The Op asked in her thread title for advice, and never took one single bit of it.

I wonder if she ever did even speak to a solicitor as advised on more than one occasion.

She’s is probably driving down the street because they are clearly still together and she’s checking if he is still with you as he’s probably told her he’s leaving you or fed her some lies. Does she even know he’s married?!

blind puppy is right…….

where the fuck is your self-respect OP?!

Thank you for the update and I am glad things are looking better. I read all of your past posts but didn’t comment. You are brave coming back and even though the update isn’t want posters want to hear, it’s the truth.
I do think you’ve been soft your husband but it’s very clear you love him. I would say go to marriage counselling now to help the recovery and healing process as this is the road you have e chosen, it’s very good you have been able to open up to your sister, she must want to slap your H every time she sees his face however it’s good you’ve got emotional support and and feel open and honest with her.
Please please do not fully trust your husband yet. Best of luck and enjoy the rest of your break!

OP, I think the whole plan is bonkers and doomed to fail, however, can I offer you a little advice?….

Please, please, please, if he does set up a new firm and in doing so lives off you for the next year or however long, make sure you personally have 50% holding of this new firm.

It will make everything a hell of a lot easier should you end up divorcing in the future.

Hi @Bleachbum thank you for your valuable advice, that's a great idea. I do have a question though: why do you think the whole plan is bonkers and doomed to fail? I don't think it's uncommon for one partner in a marriage to financially support the other whilst the other partner sets up own business.

Because I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him to do what was right. You have zero guarantees he'll spend his time doing anything constructive, he could spend it meeting this woman, a different woman or multiple women.

Why does he have to start a new company, why can he not just get a new job?

Yet another update from the OP that ignores almost all of the recent posts and disingenuously asks 'Oh but whyyyyyy?' at the suggestion that her cheating, lying husband might not be the very model of probity and might not have her own best interests as his ultimate guiding principle.

Because he's a lying, cheating scumbag. In what universe does that make someone a good person to invest in financially? Or emotionally, but we already know you enjoy being used as an emotional punchbag.

Ok, for a few reasons….

• You're completely correct, it’s not uncommon for 1 spouse to financially support another for a while but that is usually when their relationship is rock solid, yours is not.

• He has repeatedly lied to you before, why do you think he won’t do it again?

• he is a lawyer. With plenty of lawyer friends. He will have taken divorce advice on his situation. There is absolutely no question about this. 100% guaranteed. It sounds very much to me like he is purposefully, temporarily diminishing his earning capacity in preparation for a divorce.

Getting 50% holding of the new firm from the outset protects you somewhat when my third point above happens.

I think that many posters, myself included, were surprised when you revealed that you work as a lecturer at your local University so you are obviously well educated and capable and will be earning decent money which gives you plenty of options other than remaining in this sham of a marriage.

You need to find your anger at your husband's disgraceful and disloyal behaviour. You seem to blame the whole affair on his affair partner and your anger is only directed towards her, even though you should have no expectations of loyalty from her, unlike your husband.

I originally assumed that you didn't work and that you relied on your husband financially so your reluctance to leave the marriage was more understandable. However, this isn't the case at all. You would be able to manage fine without him which would work wonders on your self-respect and self-esteem. You seem to be the one who is bending over backwards to help and support your cheating, disloyal husband rather than the other way round.

I don’t believe a word of this. Nobody can be can be as naive and downright thick as the OP purports to be. Still, it’s an amusing yarn, so happily following along.

This thread is fascinating. Sadly, I believe it's probably real.

Because he is fucking someone else and most people would think it asinine to financially support their husband's affair. But crack on supporting him, you won't ever learn until he leaves you in financial ruin for his bit on the side. 🙄

Nobody can be that understanding or naive. Particularly an educated woman working as a lecturer in à uni. Is this for a project?

@CrikeyNumpty I wish! Unfortunately, this is a real story that happened to me.

Did you ever bother to get legal advice as suggested to you by more than one poster on more than one occasion ?

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon No, I didn't get any legal advice.

Don't believe that for a second 😂