Disappointed second date I’m appalled

[Briannaivy]

So I went on a second date with a man that I’ve been talking to for a month now. Our schedules have been so busy that I didn’t have time to see him. Anyways I met him out when I was with my girls a month ago, he asked for my number and we started talking. He’s 10 years older than me, I’m 24.

So we finished with the second date which was the movies, I suggested it. We head to his car and we sat and talked. He kept bringing up how we could have watched a movie at his place? I explained to him that I don’t do house visits with men until I’m comfortable and know where things are going.

I jokingly asked him why he wanted to me to go to his house so bad? Also why he kept asking me to go ? Then I said “you just want to bang that’s why you keep asking”? He replied and said “yeah I want to fudge the sh!t out of you, that’s not all I want but yes I want that”……. Y’all I was to stunned to speak, I’ve never had a man be so bold and just disrespectful….. Then he said “I want you to orgasm as many times as you like” …..

I felt so in shocked, he said I’m just being honest are you used to men lying to you etc… I told him that was very disrespectful and not cool to say to someone on a second date. At least not in that term. Then he brought up how we should do dates that don’t coast money ? Huh…. Sir you’ve only taken me on two dates, what do you mean ? At that point I started mentally checking out and just called it a night. Then he tried to apologize and told me he hope he could see me again?

Y’all why is my picker offf what the hell is going on …

Bang is considered polite where I am. 😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Are you Amish or something? Very weird thread.

I don’t think asking him if he just wanted to bang was great either. You set the conversation up.

Trust your gut feeling. If he doesn’t feel right then he isn’t.

Sir? That’s Donald Trump’s tell for total fabrication.

You started the sex talk. Very foolish indeed on a second date. And then we're horrified when he carried on with it.

He sounds grim. I think his comments have proved you right, especially the ' what do you do in return for men that court you '
I think hes been disrespectful, pushy and obscene when you asserted your boundaries

No he shouldn't. God sake have we moved backwards.

You asked him very crudely.

He responded in the same manner.

You set the tone so he presumed you were comfortable with that language.

Neither of you come out of this well.

It’s supposed to be a gesture to make your partner feel special - not a business deal or a new mates situation.
If he’s broke he can suggest something cheaper - picnic, ice creams or coffee. Nothing wrong with splitting the bill then if you want to do something more expensive.

You posted about this already

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5287540-what-should-i-do-is-this-a-red-flag?reply=142630193

I mean he's basically saying you should be a very cheap prostitute. On the one hand, he thinks you can be bought, but on the other hand, he thinks the cost of a cinema ticket is too high. This is not a man who has any respect for women, and I'd be amazed if he was any good in bed. Keep your standards high.

See, yeah, banging is a precursor to a pretty murky conversation- had you said ‘you want to take me home to sleep with me’ it might not have gotten so bad, or maybe it would anyway! I’d agree don’t get lifts home after dates. Best of luck in the future though!

You want a sugar daddy, he wants a casual shag - that’s pretty much the strength of it

You turned the convo with your banging question, he answered you, in a very crude way, but he answered a question that YOU asked! His answer would of given me the ick and there wouldn’t be a 3rd date but I’m not sure what you was expecting 🤷‍♀️

Neither of you come across as particularly attractive people to be honest.

You knew perfectly well why he kept asking you to go to his house.

🤔

Sadly too many men think it does.
Anyway he sounds like a right dickhead, and the dickheads on here siding with him proves there are dickheads everywhere.

Quite. No need for freeloading.

Freeloading is one thing. A man assuming if he buys her food and drink he'll get sex in return is something else entirely.

I think you need to answer if your girls were your friends or your daughters.

If you took your children on a first date with an internet stranger then there is a much bigger problem here.

She sounds very switched on to me.

And it’s pretty obvious by “girls” she means her friends. I wish posters would stop nitpicking on this point. Sometimes I call men “boys” and women “girls”. No major incident has happened as a result yet!

Well done for being on your guard OP. But he’s right; he was being honest! Perhaps a little too honest 😂

You can do much better and at 24, you really have so much time and opportunity ahead of you.

Honesty is usually an attribute that people look for when dating. And if you didn't like the idea of him fudging the shit out of you, then you don't fancy him enough. Your question was a shit test and he couldn't have answered it right either way. I'm sure 'very beautiful' you would have been most offended if he replied that he didn't fancy you?

Anyway you've done the right thing as it's best not to keep leading him and freeloading off someone on false pretences.

If she's from the US the term "picker" in this context would mean her "radar, her ability to choose and/or attract the type of man she's looking for," etc. She stepped outside her comfort zone and "picked" this guy. It may be age difference but I've not heard the slang term "bang," in general thrown around in general (20yo to 70yo). I think of guys the term after a few rounds to impress friends. I'd say slang such ad "screw or have sex" is more common and less offensive. Looking for someone to use the term make love, and mean it, two dates in, I wouldn't believe them.

As a PP said, talk to a good friend before you jump in with both feet. Don't let someone try and seduce you just to get their selfish needs met. If you jump into bed with someone before you talk about expectations and you're looking for more than random sex, you most likely will be disappointed. Another good reason to pay your way until you get to know someone better. You're young and a 10 year age difference is a decent gap, especially in your 20s.

Read what you quoted. Then read it again. Meet does not equal meat.