Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Disappointed second date I’m appalled

128 replies

Briannaivy · 31/03/2025 19:23

So I went on a second date with a man that I’ve been talking to for a month now. Our schedules have been so busy that I didn’t have time to see him. Anyways I met him out when I was with my girls a month ago, he asked for my number and we started talking. He’s 10 years older than me, I’m 24.

So we finished with the second date which was the movies, I suggested it. We head to his car and we sat and talked. He kept bringing up how we could have watched a movie at his place? I explained to him that I don’t do house visits with men until I’m comfortable and know where things are going.

I jokingly asked him why he wanted to me to go to his house so bad? Also why he kept asking me to go ? Then I said “you just want to bang that’s why you keep asking”? He replied and said “yeah I want to fudge the sh!t out of you, that’s not all I want but yes I want that”……. Y’all I was to stunned to speak, I’ve never had a man be so bold and just disrespectful….. Then he said “I want you to orgasm as many times as you like” …..

I felt so in shocked, he said I’m just being honest are you used to men lying to you etc… I told him that was very disrespectful and not cool to say to someone on a second date. At least not in that term. Then he brought up how we should do dates that don’t coast money ? Huh…. Sir you’ve only taken me on two dates, what do you mean ? At that point I started mentally checking out and just called it a night. Then he tried to apologize and told me he hope he could see me again?

Y’all why is my picker offf what the hell is going on …

OP posts:
ThisUniqueDreamer · 31/03/2025 19:40

Banging is a very crude way to describe sex. I don't know anyone with any maturity who refers to sex as banging. It tends to be a word used by puerile, teenagers who've never had it.

What he said back was unacceptable.However you did open that door. Here endeth the lesson, don't get in a stranger's car.Don't respond to request to go back to their place. Don't get into it, just say no, thank you and leave. Certainly, don't start talking about banging, because you ll get a crude response back.

Original poster
Briannaivy · 31/03/2025 19:42

DaffsBeautifulDaffs · 31/03/2025 19:38

Did he say fudge? 😂

Sounds like he thought you were trying to take the conversation in that direction and so joined in, not realising that you were actually genuinely annoyed at him asking you round. Oh dear.

No he said “ fuck the shit out of you “ and make you “c*m several times…..

I just didn't want to get in trouble on here

OP posts:
Cucy · 31/03/2025 19:43

Then I said “you just want to bang that’s why you keep asking”? He replied and said “yeah I want to fudge the sh!t out of you, that’s not all I want but yes I want that”……. Y’all I was to stunned to speak, I’ve never had a man be so bold and just disrespectful

Huh?!
You were the one to bring it up in the conversation!

How is he bold and disgusting for replying to your question about sex.
Surely you are more bold and disgusting for saying about it first?

I think you’re just looking for excuses not to like him.

77Fee · 31/03/2025 19:43

Whereabouts are you based @Briannaivy as you sound like you might be American.

Getitgirl · 31/03/2025 19:44

I can't believe the amount of aggro directed towards the OP for using the term bang. He was uncouth and revolting throughout their shite date. She used ONE PHRASE that was in response to his dreadful behaviour.. oh god I just can't even be bothered with the number of misogynists on mumsnet. as you were.

bettydavieseyes · 31/03/2025 19:44

I thought fudge the sht out of you was anal sex. But he said fck. Still bad though!
He's not a keeper.

LadyKenya · 31/03/2025 19:45

That was rather crude of you OP. Also you should be at least paying half, when you go on dates.

craigth162 · 31/03/2025 19:48

Yep agree with PPs. You started it. Hope you at least offered to pay half for the dates.

wfhwfh · 31/03/2025 19:48

I wouldn’t be impressed either, OP, but at least he was honest and you can delete his number and avoid wasting your time.

Also shows your intuition is spot on

Original poster
Briannaivy · 31/03/2025 19:49

I thought I would give him a chance cause he seemed like a gentleman. He’s an educator, has a masters, is a homeowner, no kids etc. not my usual type but I said let me try something different and maybe I’ll get different results… he’s 34 and I’m 24.

I am very beautiful, he kept calling and saying I looked like a model, maybe he was just highly attracted to me and seen me as a piece of meet cause I’m younger? I just found it distasteful , he could have worded it differently. “I want to make love to you, I want to have sex with you, I want to be intimate with you”…… He didn’t have to say what he said.

then he texted me this morning telling me good morning …..

OP posts:
ohnowwhatcanitbe · 31/03/2025 19:51

Orangemintcream · 31/03/2025 19:30

Also were you going to continue to expect him to pay ?

Pay for what? Him paying for drinks etc does not = being repaid in sex, does it?

Gettingbysomehow · 31/03/2025 19:51

Disgusting pig, I would have walked out there and then.

EG94 · 31/03/2025 19:51

He wanted sex, you wanted free dinners / days out. It was never gunna work was it

you told him he only wanted to “bang” and all I can think of is the shitty song oi you are you gunna bang but let me park that then your appalled he continued the subject matter. Some women may not be bothered by that especially if they just want sex too.

you told him he was rude in your opinion so tell him no you won’t see him again because you don’t feel your values are aligned. Done. Why is it a big fuss

FortyElephants · 31/03/2025 19:53

😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
you're not for real?! My husband says bang for sex and he's 53 and it's old on him 😂

You asked if he wanted to bang you. He replied that he does. No big whoop.

DaffsBeautifulDaffs · 31/03/2025 19:53

“Fuck the shit out of you” is an unfortunate phrase. It doesn’t do to think about it too literally. But some people (including some women) prefer that sort of language and find it a turn on, and he presumably thought you were one because you talked about him banging you.

I feel quite embarrassed for him really.

AboogaBooga · 31/03/2025 19:55

I don’t feel you invited him to say it the way he did. However, be glad that he was so brazen about it now at the start instead of leading you on. It’s clear he just wanted sex, with the least amount of work as possible. Direct him to a prostitute next time.

Block him now and keep it moving. NEXT!

Original poster
Briannaivy · 31/03/2025 20:01

I told him to his face that it made me feel uncomfortable and I thought it was disrespectful. He apologized and said he didn’t mean to come off like that, and he was just being honest…. Then he tried to tell me that I’m used to men lying to me ? That he is never going to lie and always be honest, and how that’s not only what he wants but he does want that….. Chile………

Then he went on and said “you don’t like me anymore huh, you’re not going to want to see me anymore huh”…. I told him to his face most likely not.

OP posts:
Cucy · 31/03/2025 20:02

I just found it distasteful , he could have worded it differently. “I want to make love to you, I want to have sex with you, I want to be intimate with you”…… He didn’t have to say what he said.

So fuck is not ok but bang is?

I think fuck is a way better word that bang.

It doesn’t really matter though because you’re obviously not compatible so just chalk it up to experience and move on.

DahliaBlooming · 31/03/2025 20:04

Yep sorry but you started it OP, and it's not sensible to get into someone's car as part of a second date.

At least you now know you're definitely not compatible and don't need to bother with a third date.

Fatrosrhun · 31/03/2025 20:06

Briannaivy · 31/03/2025 19:49

I thought I would give him a chance cause he seemed like a gentleman. He’s an educator, has a masters, is a homeowner, no kids etc. not my usual type but I said let me try something different and maybe I’ll get different results… he’s 34 and I’m 24.

I am very beautiful, he kept calling and saying I looked like a model, maybe he was just highly attracted to me and seen me as a piece of meet cause I’m younger? I just found it distasteful , he could have worded it differently. “I want to make love to you, I want to have sex with you, I want to be intimate with you”…… He didn’t have to say what he said.

then he texted me this morning telling me good morning …..

I agree with you - those are much more polite ways of phrasing that he wants to go to bed with you. But I’d also have been grossed out if he’d said “I want to bang you”. I get what you were saying, but I’d have probably just said you just want to get me into bed.

Anyway, that aside, I hope you replied to his Good morning text with a “I don’t want to see you again”.

Pigeonqueen · 31/03/2025 20:08

You should be at least offering to pay half on the dates.

If you feel uncomfortable enough around him not to want to go back to a house with him you shouldn’t be getting in a car with him either.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 31/03/2025 20:08

Briannaivy · 31/03/2025 19:49

I thought I would give him a chance cause he seemed like a gentleman. He’s an educator, has a masters, is a homeowner, no kids etc. not my usual type but I said let me try something different and maybe I’ll get different results… he’s 34 and I’m 24.

I am very beautiful, he kept calling and saying I looked like a model, maybe he was just highly attracted to me and seen me as a piece of meet cause I’m younger? I just found it distasteful , he could have worded it differently. “I want to make love to you, I want to have sex with you, I want to be intimate with you”…… He didn’t have to say what he said.

then he texted me this morning telling me good morning …..

Very beautiful? Good for you, but what difference does that make?

Original poster
Briannaivy · 31/03/2025 20:09

Then I asked him how many relationships he’s been in and he responded saying “idk I would have to sit and think about it”?

Then while in the car he told me he has bought women expensive bags and took women out on trips? I asked were these women he was dating or in relationships with… he responded saying “yeah, I would have to think about it”

like what the hell ?

OP posts:
Readingismyfirstlove · 31/03/2025 20:09

NightLife01 · 31/03/2025 19:30

I would have thought he was responding to your ‘banging’ comment. I don’t know why you were so shocked at his response when you started it!

Exactly. If you talk about banging on a second date what the hell do you expect him to reply with. The only person showing any disrespect is you to yourself. You sound common af.

You started it. On another note what women actually call it banging. Ffs. Any crudeness is yours.

Orangemintcream · 31/03/2025 20:10

ohnowwhatcanitbe · 31/03/2025 19:51

Pay for what? Him paying for drinks etc does not = being repaid in sex, does it?

Show quote history

No and I didn’t suggest it did.

It is though, freeloading to keep expecting someone else to pay everytime.

Swipe left for the next trending thread