I’ve always wanted a big family, but definitely wanted at least 2. I think having siblings is very important and would like to give that to my child. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years. We have one 4 year old son. It took us a long time to decide to start trying for our son (I was 34, he’s 7 years younger than me, so for about two years beforehand it was always “someday, not yet” which I understood) and then we had a fertility issue (blocked tubes) making IVF our only option. We did IVF when I was 36, it worked first round, and since then I’ve been wanting to do another round to try for a second, but husband has been dragging his feet, saying he’s happy with 1, maybe later, he’ll see in a year if he changes his mind etc etc. I’ve tried to be patient, certain he would eventually come around. But now 4 years later he’s told me that he 100% does not want a second and his assumption was that his saying no is what goes, and I’d just get over it eventually if he waited it out. I feel a bit like he procrastinated until nearly running out the clock. I’m now 40, he’s 33, and my doctor has said to do IVF soon if I want another. We had 1 frozen extra embryo from our first round that we tried to use this past month, after much much discussion and compromise and counselling, and I suffered an early miscarriage at 6 weeks. He says that’s it, he used the embryo because it was there but he’s relieved that it stopped growing, whereas I was devastated. There are no financial constraints, we are very comfortable both working good jobs, and have lots of family and if we want hired help, it won’t be an issue. I feel like we’re quite blessed with lots of options and support for a second baby. I get a full 18 months paid maternity leave for goodness sake! He says it’s simply related to “not wanting the hassle of a second”, the time commitment especially of the first 1-2 baby years. He says maybe in future we could foster or adopt an older child but he can’t guarantee or know “when”. I see that as being another big round of me wanting and him not wanting, and on and on we’ll go. I know that I could do it on my own with a donor, I loved the baby years and did a large percentage (like 80 or 90%) on my own the first round, doing every night waking and morning and basically everything for the first 12-14 months anyway. He’s a loving and good dad to our son, and has become more involved post age 2 with him. I do feel strongly that he would also love a second, but he doesn’t want one, so that’s it. He said that even the amount he did for the first year was “too much” and he doesn’t want to do it again. He lets fear and inconvenience rule a lot in his life, and finds many things much more of a “hassle” than I do. It’s something we’ve struggle with for a while, with a resulting heavier house/admin/parenting/everything load on me. Is it completely crazy to leave him and try for the family size/sibling for my child on my own? He says it’s completely illogical and irrational, but I already feel so deeply hurt and unseen by him on this anyway. How do I stay with someone who can’t see how much this hurts me? With someone who cannot share in the pain of a miscarriage of their child? He says because it was “just an embryo” and so we feel continents away from each other emotionally. Biology made it hard for me to have children, and it feels so brutal that I also have a partner that makes it impossible to even try for a bigger family. I don’t want to pressure him into the second (he really doesn’t want it and the lonely miscarriage made it abundantly clear) but neither can I get past my own wishes and the sense that I’ll regret forever and resent him his inflexibility and “fear of inconvenience.” I feel like I have more love to give and want to give it to another child, and have a brother or sister for my child, in whatever form that eventually takes. And with my husband, there is no form of that. I would have to close the door forever and I just can’t. Is this desire of mine too selfish? Is it insane? For perspective I’m from a family of 4 kids and am very close to my siblings. He is from 2 kids and not super close with his brother, although no specific issues. Is there any hope for any of this?