I think my husband has given me the ick

[CalmReader]

I woke up with this realisation this morning and not sure how I can get past it!
For context we’ve been together 13 years, married 6 with 1 DS3

However he has this really annoying habit of shouting ‘boobs’ or ‘ooh boobs’ whenever I’m getting changed and they’re out. I’ve told him time & time again, I don’t like it, I mean, it’s not exactly a turn on is it?! It’s got to the point where I want to hide when I’m getting changed as I feel it’s childish - yes I have boobs, you’ve seen them countless times and they don’t need an announcement whenever they’re out!
He said it again last night when I was getting ready for bed and something in me just made me realise it’s a really annoying habit. It definitely doesn’t want to make me rip his clothes off, and in all honesty I think it’s given me the ick, but am I being silly?! How would everyone else react? Turn on or turn off?!

Hi op

Much to my embarrassment I’ve have done what your husband has done.

love my wife think she is beautiful she’s always been wonderfully body confident. Post second DS has made a few comments when she was getting changed we’d not had much intimacy I was horny no excuse what so ever.

She one day outlined the Ick and how I’d made her feel. The difference is I was mortified and went and had a little cry where she couldn’t see. Never ever did it again and spent a lot of time making up for my absolute buffoonery.

Hes either not getting it or doesn’t care hopefully it’s the former and he can absolutely change his behaviour.

Not a bad idea. Start pulling his chest or leg hairs out when he's asleep. That should put a stop to it. Takes them a second to wake up, plenty of time to roll over and fake a mild snore.At least you'll feel better . 😂

Try shouting "TINY DICK" instead

I swear, the stories I hear here on MN makes me think so many men actually don't want to be married.

If my DH did that when he saw my breasts my vagina would dry up and clamp shut so damn fast. Infantile behaviour in a sexual partner tends to do that to most women.

Tell him about the ick. Tell him when he does that it makes you not want to have sex with him as you view him as icky.

If he doesn't get that then he really has no respect for you and is an idiot.

found a good 'un

this man gets it

My ex-husband would do this all of the time. As well as constant groping (and lots of other annoying habits and inappropriate behaviour) no matter how many times I told him that I hated it.

We had many other issues in our marriage that ended it but this was an example of no matter what I said, explained how I felt and how he made me feel he would just do what he wanted anyway.

It’s degrading and objectifying and makes you feel like your body belongs to someone else.

The fact you are even asking if other women would find someone shouting boobs at them a turn on or turn off shows that he has successfully skewed your perception of his behaviour. Does he expect you to find it a turn on? No woman would be sexually aroused by that behaviour. It’s juvenile, revolting and degrading, which is the whole point isn’t it.

What is he actually doing wrt the groping and when did it start?

Don’t let him, or anyone else tell you it’s affectionate or that he can’t help it because he’s so attracted to you. He’s going out of his way to make you feel grossed out and uncomfortable. Your home, especially your bedroom is somewhere you should feel safe and relaxed. Instead he’s deliberately degrading you and making you uncomfortable.

If he made those comments to someone at work he’d be sacked for sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is not about fancying someone at all it’s a just a different way of bullying someone. There will be other issues with this man. He has already shown he lacks boundaries with regards to your body and enjoys making you uncomfortable. So often when a woman tentatively complains about derogatory sexual remarks there is much more going on.

You have the right to protect yourself from his degrading comments by getting changed somewhere else. If he is groping you in bed or while you’re asleep you have the right to refuse to share a bed with him.

My husband does this! 😄And I do do it to him sometimes! It's just a bit of silliness, yes it's infantile and yes, sometimes it's irritating if I'm in a bad mood or in a hurry getting ready for work and there's some bloke shouting 'boobs' at me or whatever but I'd rather have a laugh about it. What's wrong with a bit of silliness? Embrace it!

Wonderful, you do you. Difference here is OP doesn't like it. And that's a problem. Stop minimising another woman's discomfort at the hands of her husband.

The day my DH stops looking at my boobs with a twinkle in his eyes would be a very sad day for me.

I wasn't minimising it, I was suggesting an alternative approach - embrace the silliness, have a laugh, try and see a funny side. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously or lose our sense of humour for a variety of reasons.

Although, to be fair my husband doesn't grope me randomly so perhaps there is more to it than how it is in my relationship.

Another minimiser who doesn't get it. 🙄

You've posted twice

So, OP should change her attitude and behaviour, not her DH... 🙄

My husband said it to me this morning whilst I was getting ready for work, I was tired and still half asleep....I was less than impressed lol

Tell him you don't get undressed infront of children and if he is going to continue acting like a child he will no longer get to see you get undressed. Men really are just boys and will always get excited about a pair of boobs but if he can't contain it after 13 years it's a bit pathetic!

Tell him it's a TURN OFF and it makes him unattractive to you.

No, I'm suggesting an alternative approach that might help, I'm suggesting looking at the what some might find, the funny side.

I'm not saying she should, I'm not saying there is a funny side for her, I'm not saying that the husband shouldn't change if the OP doesn't like it, I'm merely suggesting a different approach.

I have also acknowledged that there appears to be other stuff going on in their relationship such as the groping that might not make this possible and makes it different to my situation.

Is he 14?

"For heaven's sake Kevin - are you twelve? It's like being married to Benny Hill!"
(Then finish getting changed in the bathroom.)

Tell him you’re not having a sexual relationship with a leery, immature teenager, end of story.

Absolute turn off.

Yes you are, you told her to embrace it, what else could you mean?

Are you married to a 10 year old? 🤦🙄

If he is groping without your consent that is very serious.

The screaming boobs is repellent at his age, and my desire for any intimacy would die a death. Even the first time.

The immaturity would kill it for me, I want to spend my life with a respectful, loving man and not a grubby teenage boy.

Goodness only knows what he is looking at or participating in on line, this would be a major red line for me op. You are worth much more than this.

There is something wrong when a woman who is upset about being degraded is told to find the funny side.