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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think my husband has given me the ick

134 replies

CalmReader · 26/03/2025 08:52

I woke up with this realisation this morning and not sure how I can get past it!
For context we’ve been together 13 years, married 6 with 1 DS3

However he has this really annoying habit of shouting ‘boobs’ or ‘ooh boobs’ whenever I’m getting changed and they’re out. I’ve told him time & time again, I don’t like it, I mean, it’s not exactly a turn on is it?! It’s got to the point where I want to hide when I’m getting changed as I feel it’s childish - yes I have boobs, you’ve seen them countless times and they don’t need an announcement whenever they’re out!
He said it again last night when I was getting ready for bed and something in me just made me realise it’s a really annoying habit. It definitely doesn’t want to make me rip his clothes off, and in all honesty I think it’s given me the ick, but am I being silly?! How would everyone else react? Turn on or turn off?!

OP posts:
Umidontknow · 26/03/2025 11:09

Try saying "oop there's the little winky" everytime you see his knob

Epilepsystruggle · 26/03/2025 11:14

Men acting like children or doing baby voices or whatever makes me physically recoil.

You've definitely got the ick.

Look at the ICK thread on Mumsnet classics.
Some of them makes me shudder.

TinyFlamingo · 26/03/2025 11:22

Shout, "Urg turnoff, we're never having sex again."
Every time he does it and keep doing it - he will stop. Train the puppy!

Also, I wouldn't want this to be an example for DS3 either - it's grim. Definitely ick worthy.

gannett · 26/03/2025 11:23

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/03/2025 10:33

I think you underestimate how much this can grate on your nerves. Maybe it wouldn't grate on yours but it does on OPs. I had an XP with the mindset of a 13 year old boy once and I put up with it for eight years before it all just got too much for me (compounded by other issues). I had tolerated it with a weak smile up until that point but then it became just one more nail in the coffin of our relationship.
So it might be a minor thing to you, but I expect you have something that, if done to extremes by someone asked to stop, would make you finally snap.

Show quote history

How on earth did you put up with it for EIGHT YEARS? Or even eight months? Or even once?

If I did something for eight years and my partner smiled and never objected I would it assume they liked it, or at least had no problem with it. If you dislike it it's on you to say so before you actually MARRY someone.

Goingforit2025 · 26/03/2025 11:23

foxxxxy · 26/03/2025 10:54

You could shout ooooh tiny penis whenever he’s getting changed and see how he likes it.

I think this would be very effective! Be prepared for some double standards though

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 26/03/2025 11:24

He sounds like the 5th member of the inbetweeners

Eww, he needs to stop

Easterbunnygettingsorted · 26/03/2025 11:25

Agree start pointing and jeering at his penis.. Bet it isn't much to write home about when it's flaccid....

Chuchoter · 26/03/2025 11:28

Once as a joke might be acceptable although personally I find it very childish.

Seeing as you've already asked him to stop I would make a big point of going into the bathroom to get dressed or waiting until he leaves the room and would tell him that as he won't respect your wishes to stop with the puerile comments then you have no option but to take away the source of his pathetic childishness from his view.

UnctuousUnicorns · 26/03/2025 11:29

Oh, I fucking hate that word. If my DH did that - he wouldn't, thank goodness, as he's not twelve - he would never see my breasts again, as I'd get dressed and undressed either in the bathroom, door bolted, or in our bedroom which also has a bolt on the inside of the door for privacy. With him on the outside, obviously. As for sex - no thank you. Ugh, ugh, ugh. 🤮

UpMyself · 26/03/2025 11:29

Don't say anything about him, but tell him in a firm voice that you have heard it for the last time. He can stop saying it or he can stop being married to you.

gannett · 26/03/2025 11:29

Umidontknow · 26/03/2025 11:09

Try saying "oop there's the little winky" everytime you see his knob

Edited

Wouldn't the equivalent be yelling "nice dick!" not "tiny dick!"

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 26/03/2025 11:30

Sometimes you have to be really blunt

"when you say that, I feel disgusted and any attraction I have for you just completely goes".

You shouldn't have to be so blunt, a simple "I don't like you saying that" should be well and truly enough... But it seems like there's a lot of men out there who think they are impossibly charming and cute and know better.

Lanaz20 · 26/03/2025 11:31

Shout "flaccid penis" at him...see if that does it for him.

But seriously, it's like living with a grubby leery 12 year old. Sorry to hear that may have other sleazy tendencies. Mine did too. He's the ex now. (Also had increasing obsession with watching porn and gaming.)

CraftyWasp · 26/03/2025 11:32

My DH smacks my bum every single time I'm laying down near him. I hate it. I've asked him to stop repeatedly and got nowhere so now I gently kick him. He doesn't like it. I'm hoping it'll become a Pavlov's dog situation and eventually he'll stop (odds are not in my favour though)

I think you'll have to consider how long you're willing to put up with it and what steps you may take if the behaviour doesn't stop. Also shouting PENIS every time you see him might help, you never know.

thepariscrimefiles · 26/03/2025 11:35

thankyounextplease · 26/03/2025 10:28

I'd find it hard to get worked up about something so minor to be honest.

Either you have no problems in your life (lucky you) or you have zero sense of humour (not that I think it's funny, but it would be an affectionate eyerolling from me with my partner, especially because presumably he's been doing it for years at this point so seems odd to just get the ick now. I'd rather him yell boobs than not look at me or find me attractive or be scrolling other women on his phone and just grunt at me instead of talking to me, like apparently a lot of mumsnet men).

It's not a binary choice between a DH behaving like a teenager who has watched too much Beavis and Butthead and a DH who shows no interest in OP and doesn't find her attractive.

He could behave like a grown man who respects and loves his wife and doesn't actively choose to do stuff that upsets her. As it is, his behaviour is counter-productive as it will probably mean that he has less sex with OP and sees her breasts less often.

Barney16 · 26/03/2025 11:35

Errolwasahero · 26/03/2025 09:04

Ok as a joke once or twice perhaps, but not ok that he’s ignoring your wishes! I think I’d be inclined to shout ‘prick!’ Whenever I saw him…

This. It's making me laugh so much. Every time he comes into a room just shout prick. See how he likes it.

redphonecase · 26/03/2025 11:40

CalmReader · 26/03/2025 09:40

All of this unfortunately which I’ve only just come to realise since you’ve said it!

I’m sure he would like more sex, but this isn’t the way to go about it. I think I do feel objectified

Show quote history

Tell him very clearly how it makes you feel, that there won't be any sex until he stops and that if he continues you'll have to reconsider the future of the marriage.

what a baby.

Kazzybingbong · 26/03/2025 11:40

thankyounextplease · 26/03/2025 10:28

I'd find it hard to get worked up about something so minor to be honest.

Either you have no problems in your life (lucky you) or you have zero sense of humour (not that I think it's funny, but it would be an affectionate eyerolling from me with my partner, especially because presumably he's been doing it for years at this point so seems odd to just get the ick now. I'd rather him yell boobs than not look at me or find me attractive or be scrolling other women on his phone and just grunt at me instead of talking to me, like apparently a lot of mumsnet men).

Why does it have to be one thing or the other? Neither of those things are attractive. Men aren’t small children that can’t control themselves. You need to raise the bar for the men in your life if you’re ok with this as long as they’re not cheating 🙄

UnctuousUnicorns · 26/03/2025 11:42

CraftyWasp · 26/03/2025 11:32

My DH smacks my bum every single time I'm laying down near him. I hate it. I've asked him to stop repeatedly and got nowhere so now I gently kick him. He doesn't like it. I'm hoping it'll become a Pavlov's dog situation and eventually he'll stop (odds are not in my favour though)

I think you'll have to consider how long you're willing to put up with it and what steps you may take if the behaviour doesn't stop. Also shouting PENIS every time you see him might help, you never know.

If my DH did that to me without my consent - again, he wouldn't, as he's not a pig - he would get "Don't. you. ever. fucking. dare. do. that. again." In a tone that would leave no doubt that I was 100% serious. But like I said, it would never happen. Raise your bar, some of you! The shit some of you put up with beggars belief, it truly does.

YourBestFriend · 26/03/2025 11:42

Divorce that motherfucker now.

LlynTegid · 26/03/2025 11:46

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 26/03/2025 11:24

He sounds like the 5th member of the inbetweeners

Eww, he needs to stop

I think that is unkind to the Inbetweeners. Their characters are 17 or 18, the DH here is probably in his thirties or older.

pikkumyy77 · 26/03/2025 11:49

Just set a consequence and follow through until you break the habit. How about a calendar? Mark ot every time he says it and put another mark a month out. Tell him a month from the most recent incident is when you MIGHT consider sex again. I only say a month because i think its good for him to see offense and result on the same page.

But you can also put up one of those factory signs “3 days since most recent accident! Remember accidents cause marital death! Strive for a 0 accident day!”

gamerchick · 26/03/2025 11:49

RedHelenB · 26/03/2025 10:11

This. Do you shout dick whenever he gets undressed ?

Show quote history

Yeah they just do a helicopter at you

Time to be more forceful OP. Tell him his sleazy comments are putting you off him as a partner and if he doesn't stop, divorce is inevitable.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/03/2025 11:51

He sounds like a 13yr old

As an adult I have no attraction to 13yr olds and would have to inform him he is ruining his chances acting this way.... but tbh once the ick has set in I'd feel resentful he hadn't stopped when asked and that would add to the lack of desire and an eventually dead bedroom.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 26/03/2025 11:52

Yes (although he's yelling 'boobs', not 'nice boobs), but as people have pointed out, men like the OP's husband are unlikely to be bothered by this kind of immature remark (because they themselves are immature), unless it's got an actually disparaging adjective included.

Edit - this was in response to the poster suggesting 'Nice dick' would be equivalent. My quote vanished!