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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have I done something drunk?

154 replies

Onslow1985 · 23/03/2025 17:35

I know this is a real wake up call to stop drinking but I just needed to mention on here for accountability. I went out for a friends 40th last night ended up at my local pub afterwards. Last ones in the pub with my friend who booked a taxi and somehow lost me in the pub, said I wasn’t in toilets and I can’t remember getting home. I don’t know if I’ve decided I was too drunk and left to walk home as I got home safe with all of my belongings and woke up fully clothed in bed. My husband was away for the night and he isn’t happy with me and rightly so. However I’m in panic mode that I don’t remember getting home at all and coming up with all sorts of scenarios, that I’ve ended up getting a lift off a random and inviting them in my house although there is nothing to suggest doing so. We weren’t talking to anybody in the pub and last ones in there. I’m really panicking! Don’t want to ask neighbour in case she’s seen something of these hopefully made up scenarios!

OP posts:
category12 · 01/04/2025 12:19

Onslow1985 · 01/04/2025 11:58

Just want to say thank you so much for this message. I am back from a lovely trip with my husband which unfortunately I felt really unwell some of the days but I still don’t know if it is due to anything like an infection or attributed to anxiety - or both! If it is anxiety, it’s pretty scary coz I really didn’t feel well at all. It’s the pelvic pain and checking any speck of discharge in my underwear that’s really freaking me out. If that is anxiety it’s the most it’s ever affected me physically. I’m also unsure on the colour of any discharge and keep googling that. It seems off to me.

I am heading the the pharmacy for a uti check as I am prone to them but can’t get a drs appt until next
week. I never let on to my husband how unwell I felt but he could tell something was up and I was secretly messaging my Mum a lot as I needed advice and reassurance. Also checking on here.

I must admit I have also experienced blackouts many times before but nothing like this where I’ve become lost from a person and potentially wandered off. I’ve always made it safe in a taxi home with my friends. And also when I have had blackouts and some something embarrassing I have had a flashback.

This occasion has really frightened me that
I’ve put myself in such danger anything could have happened & I am still on edge that something might come out and contemplating contacting the pub but haven’t really got the courage to. So don’t know where I should just leave it.

My mental health has suffered for about 5 years now with the pregnancy losses & watching everyone around me start a family and I have been in counselling off and on. Sometimes I want to drown it out and have a good time but unfortunately I can’t seem to drink for toffee and it ends up with me feeling extremely low!

Awww sorry. You've had a tough time.

I think some people are more prone to black outs - or once you've started having them, it's kind of like you train your brain into it being a pattern. I used to get them a lot. And it was horrible.

I've given up drinking for years now, and I've gradually figured out how to have a good time and be silly socially without alcohol, even in pubs (which I avoided initially after stopping). You can get really decent zero alcohol drinks these days that look the real deal but aren't, so it doesn't have to be obvious.

I'd really recommend sobriety tbh. It doesn't have to be dull, and you don't get the horrible downs and anxiety after the buzz.

Onslow1985 · 01/04/2025 12:26

Coffeeforayear · 01/04/2025 12:10

Dh was out with a group of friends and one of them suddenly left without saying bye and managed to get himself 10 miles home with no memory of it. My guess is he got a taxi.

I guess falling asleep in the loo is also v possible. I know people who have done that.

Try not to worry too much if no bruises etc.

It’s just I had no cash on me and no money coming out of my account for a taxi. I did have a sore shoulder and actually hurt me knee but funnily enough the knee was from earlier in the evening slipping sober in a bar on a wet floor!

OP posts:
CoolPlayer · 01/04/2025 12:57

My guess is time will pass you will be fine and these feelings and thoughts will also fade with time when nothing does crop up. Most people on finding you very drunk would just try to get you to go home..don’t forget for people who are out a lot or work in pubs it can’t be completely rare for them to see someone very drunk. I’m pretty sure some people would wake up an just be happy to be home and not over think it x

Onslow1985 · 01/04/2025 13:15

CoolPlayer · 01/04/2025 12:57

My guess is time will pass you will be fine and these feelings and thoughts will also fade with time when nothing does crop up. Most people on finding you very drunk would just try to get you to go home..don’t forget for people who are out a lot or work in pubs it can’t be completely rare for them to see someone very drunk. I’m pretty sure some people would wake up an just be happy to be home and not over think it x

But if I’ve been in a blackout and appeared normal. Bar shut at 1am and I lost my friend at 12.30. Is it possible the pub would serve me another drink then? What time would a pub normally chuck people out?

OP posts:
Onslow1985 · 01/04/2025 13:17

I have a pregnancy test at home and I am petrified to take it. Going to Drs for a uti test but I may have to go to GUM clinic for others?

OP posts:
Onslow1985 · 01/04/2025 15:45

I’m currently at the walk in centre as UTI at the pharmacy was clear. They said they might examine my abdomen but that’s all they can do until a DR appt.

OP posts:
WhyamIanexhaustedEllie · 01/04/2025 18:00

Kindly, OP, your posts are upsetting to read. Not because of what you think you may have done, but the level of rumination and fixation.

it’s highly, highly, highly unlikely anything untoward happened. You need to let this go otherwise you’re going to make yourself very unwell mentally.

SquashedMallow · 01/04/2025 18:23

I wonder if you're like me. (I very obviously had an alcohol problem 😁) But I suspect (would never get diagnosed) I have OCD. There are many other traits apart from this particular example, but I feel this is perhaps part of my undiagnosed OCD. Ruminating, fixating, obsessing, catastrophising, and round and round and round and round it goes in circles. It's enough to make you suicidal. I've certainly felt that. Do you think there's any other traits of OCD like behaviour?

Although I'm totally undiagnosed and have zero plans to seek a diagnosis, I'd do other stuff (right back to childhood) this is going to sound odd as hell, but things like say out loud "of course I love my mum" 16 times. If I didn't say it, it meant I wanted her dead . Ok, so that's an extreme example obviously (never told another sole of that ) but seeing as my post drinking obsessions were on the same scale as yours, I just wonder if you have any traits.

LSGXX · 01/04/2025 18:29

You’re riddled with hangxiety. Don’t fret about how you got home. You got home - fully clothed and in one piece. Stop worrying, draw a line and move on.

What you SHOULD be worrying about, however, is the fact that you’re drinking to the point that you blackout whole sections of an evening. It’s hazardous on every level.

No judgement from me - I’ve been there and got the t-shirt - but can I tell you to get your arse over to Soberistas??

Bottom line is - you can’t drink normally so you can’t drink at all. I’m years down the line and it’s honestly the best thing I ever did.

Sending love x

WhyamIanexhaustedEllie · 01/04/2025 18:29

SquashedMallow · 01/04/2025 18:23

I wonder if you're like me. (I very obviously had an alcohol problem 😁) But I suspect (would never get diagnosed) I have OCD. There are many other traits apart from this particular example, but I feel this is perhaps part of my undiagnosed OCD. Ruminating, fixating, obsessing, catastrophising, and round and round and round and round it goes in circles. It's enough to make you suicidal. I've certainly felt that. Do you think there's any other traits of OCD like behaviour?

Although I'm totally undiagnosed and have zero plans to seek a diagnosis, I'd do other stuff (right back to childhood) this is going to sound odd as hell, but things like say out loud "of course I love my mum" 16 times. If I didn't say it, it meant I wanted her dead . Ok, so that's an extreme example obviously (never told another sole of that ) but seeing as my post drinking obsessions were on the same scale as yours, I just wonder if you have any traits.

I agree with the OCD suggestion. It’s a cruel illness and some people with OCD have been so convinced they’ve done something wrong, they’ve called the police on themselves. Please seek help for your anxiety and mental health OP, I’m actually quite worried about you from your posts. Take care.

Onslow1985 · 01/04/2025 20:44

WhyamIanexhaustedEllie · 01/04/2025 18:29

I agree with the OCD suggestion. It’s a cruel illness and some people with OCD have been so convinced they’ve done something wrong, they’ve called the police on themselves. Please seek help for your anxiety and mental health OP, I’m actually quite worried about you from your posts. Take care.

Thank you for your concern, it is very genuinely appreciated. I have heard of something called relationship ocd on here where you can obsess over being unfaithful. Unfortunately I imagine it doesn’t go well with alcohol blackouts!
I think I just need to receive some clear tests and then I need to focus on putting my mental health first and drinking habits behind me!

OP posts:
Mozzarellaballs · 01/04/2025 21:18

I was convinced I did bad stuff in my marriage too and the anxiety was horrible. Anyway if you did something when drunk, I don't think it would have been your fault anyway as you would have been taken advantage of and couldn't give consent but to be honest I don't think you have done anything but your anxiety is spiralling and you need some anti depressants to help, sorry if I have missed any part where you said you take them.

SquashedMallow · 01/04/2025 22:30

Onslow1985 · 01/04/2025 20:44

Thank you for your concern, it is very genuinely appreciated. I have heard of something called relationship ocd on here where you can obsess over being unfaithful. Unfortunately I imagine it doesn’t go well with alcohol blackouts!
I think I just need to receive some clear tests and then I need to focus on putting my mental health first and drinking habits behind me!

Bless your heart.

I wish you'd stop beating yourself up!

I totally get it believe me. You've not been unfaithful and deep down I think rational you knows that.

Please please do consider sober life though, it means you never have to experience this terror again. It's an atrocious way to feel.

sassysaint99 · 01/04/2025 22:36

I get so ill if I drink lots of Prosecco and I never remember what happened when I’m drunk and I don’t even need to be massively drunk

Onslow1985 · 01/04/2025 22:49

SquashedMallow · 01/04/2025 22:30

Bless your heart.

I wish you'd stop beating yourself up!

I totally get it believe me. You've not been unfaithful and deep down I think rational you knows that.

Please please do consider sober life though, it means you never have to experience this terror again. It's an atrocious way to feel.

Hopefully the tests are clear despite niggles I’m still experiencing (which I’m hoping are just anxiety) but I may never find out how I got home!!

OP posts:
SquashedMallow · 01/04/2025 22:49

Onslow1985 · 01/04/2025 20:44

Thank you for your concern, it is very genuinely appreciated. I have heard of something called relationship ocd on here where you can obsess over being unfaithful. Unfortunately I imagine it doesn’t go well with alcohol blackouts!
I think I just need to receive some clear tests and then I need to focus on putting my mental health first and drinking habits behind me!

Ps please know that your behaviour does not define you. The fact you care so bloody much says you're a good old soul.

Change the internal record you're playing. Start believing you are ok. You're just fine. Please look to the future and don't keep ruminating over this. You'll destroy your mental health!

Can I recommend a book to you : the unexpected joy of being sober

Ok, can I recommend two ? : Bryony Gordon, glorious rock bottom (she eventually goes down the AA route which I've got a lot of negative things to say about) but when I read her story I felt so much less 'alone'. Give them a go OP!

eyesoncctv · 01/04/2025 22:55

Hi @Onslow1985 Just for a little reassurance, please don’t feel you after to avoid the bar you went to - I’ve Managed Bars and pubs my entire life and the staff would never make comments / remind you of your previous visit. We deal with drunk people all day everyday and it just isn’t the done thing! Hope you’re starting to feel better and your tests come back clear Flowers

Danglinglights · 01/04/2025 22:56

OP I do think you’re worrying yourself into a state of being unwell physically. Like others have said, it’s more than likely all is OK. Step counters are rubbish in handbags. I’m glad you’re safe though. Try not to overthink (I know it’s easier said than done especially at night!).

SquashedMallow · 01/04/2025 23:15

Onslow1985 · 01/04/2025 22:49

Hopefully the tests are clear despite niggles I’m still experiencing (which I’m hoping are just anxiety) but I may never find out how I got home!!

Truthfully, you probably staggered home with the hiccups desperate for bed.

Honestly my dear, if you'd have shagged someone, there's not a single hope that you'd have got dressed again.

Believe you me, sadly I'd had moments where I woke up naked from the waist down in bed. But no hint of talking to or being with a man. So I had the added torture of the fact I had slung my undies and jeans off (probably for comfort) with putting two and two together and believing with this 'evidence ' it must make 4!

You were clothed. You seriously honestly did not shag anyone my darling.

User28473 · 01/04/2025 23:32

This does sound like OCD op, it must be worrying not being able to remember, I've never lost memories from being drunk, but I've read you either get black outs sometimes or you don't, it's not to do with amount as such.

You've asked a couple of times about Google timeline, not sure if I've missed a reply. Open Google maps, and tap on your red initial in the top right corner, then on that drop down tap timeline. Where it says today, you can tap that to change the date. It isn't always 100% accurate, but if it is turned on, it can often say if you were in a car or driving, or what time you left somewhere.

User28473 · 01/04/2025 23:33

Also, pelvic dragging pain and cramping is common during ovulation, you maybe haven't noticed before because you weren't focusing on it.

Onslow1985 · 02/04/2025 08:36

User28473 · 01/04/2025 23:33

Also, pelvic dragging pain and cramping is common during ovulation, you maybe haven't noticed before because you weren't focusing on it.

From previous I normally ovulate later around day 20 which I hope is still the case as this is outside the weekend which I had the blackout. The walk in gave me antibiotics for a uti as said there was slight infection present and did a preg test which was negative but probably would be too early to show anyway. Honestly the pelvic pain has just really really really frightened me. I’ve had that dragging feeling but not this! I had some discharge I was unsure about but this could relate to being on my feet all day every day on holiday.

OP posts:
madaboutpurple · 02/04/2025 11:23

Kindly meant but I reckon you need to stop drinking. You have no idea what you did for quite some time. You are realising it is not a good state to be in. Hopefully nothing bad happened. You were so drunk you cannot remember. The way to prevent this is give up alcohol. You owe it to yourself. If not I imagine you will carry on as you are doing Something bad is bound to happen. Maybe seek help with AA.

Onslow1985 · 02/04/2025 11:31

madaboutpurple · 02/04/2025 11:23

Kindly meant but I reckon you need to stop drinking. You have no idea what you did for quite some time. You are realising it is not a good state to be in. Hopefully nothing bad happened. You were so drunk you cannot remember. The way to prevent this is give up alcohol. You owe it to yourself. If not I imagine you will carry on as you are doing Something bad is bound to happen. Maybe seek help with AA.

I completely agree. It’s petrified me. I’m definitely realising that if nothing did infact happen which I am praying every second it didn’t that this is not a good way to be afterwards. I need my period to arrive and tests to be clear to be able to move on I think.

OP posts:
Onslow1985 · 02/04/2025 12:04

eyesoncctv · 01/04/2025 22:55

Hi @Onslow1985 Just for a little reassurance, please don’t feel you after to avoid the bar you went to - I’ve Managed Bars and pubs my entire life and the staff would never make comments / remind you of your previous visit. We deal with drunk people all day everyday and it just isn’t the done thing! Hope you’re starting to feel better and your tests come back clear Flowers

This is really reassuring to hear but I’ve been catastrophising that I’m barred for whatever reason or been found in the men’s or something!

OP posts: