Have I done something drunk?

[Onslow1985]

I know this is a real wake up call to stop drinking but I just needed to mention on here for accountability. I went out for a friends 40th last night ended up at my local pub afterwards. Last ones in the pub with my friend who booked a taxi and somehow lost me in the pub, said I wasn’t in toilets and I can’t remember getting home. I don’t know if I’ve decided I was too drunk and left to walk home as I got home safe with all of my belongings and woke up fully clothed in bed. My husband was away for the night and he isn’t happy with me and rightly so. However I’m in panic mode that I don’t remember getting home at all and coming up with all sorts of scenarios, that I’ve ended up getting a lift off a random and inviting them in my house although there is nothing to suggest doing so. We weren’t talking to anybody in the pub and last ones in there. I’m really panicking! Don’t want to ask neighbour in case she’s seen something of these hopefully made up scenarios!

Wrong! It sounds like you drank to black out @Onslow1985 - for those who don’t know, this is when your blood alcohol is so high, the parts of your brain that make and store memories are not able to do so.

@Letmecallyouback thus is different to passing out. People in black out can hold conversations, cook, even drive themselves home with zero memory of it.

https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/interrupted-memories-alcohol-induced-blackouts#

@Onslow1985 it is unlikely you will remember what happened. The hangxiety will wear off soon and you’ll hopefully feel calmer. Although something “bad” could have happened, the most likely thing is you went into homing pigeon mode and took yourself back to bed.

Kindly - and you’ve alluded to this - now is the time to get in control or your drinking or stop if you can’t. I say this as a problem drinker myself who has had several blackouts so no judgement 💐

OP honestly, you should relax. Unless there's something you're not telling us here, it's highly likely that you left, walked or got a taxi home, then got into bed and slept. Occams razor applies here. You're not the first person to get blackout drunk, and you won't be the last. Really try not to panic anymore, and enjoy your weekend away.

I’ve thought about this, nearly went in today to say I’d lost a lipstick! Which I didn’t coz I have everything amazingly. Looking at my steps and timings I think I’ve still been in the bar and left at closing (thinking I’ve been the toilets). I haven’t eaten properly in days or looked after myself so don’t feel great but I’m taking every niggle in my body as I’ve done something. I would like to think if I had done something bad on Saturday evening it would affect me the following day rather than days later.

I would concentrate on stopping drinking altogether so you never put yourself at risk again.
Drinking to blackout is more than a problem.
Had a friend doing it last year who ruined her life, lost her friends and family. It happens that quickly.
She called me in blackout to tell me she’d been diagnosed with cancer. It came out of the blue, I didn’t know she was in blackout.
It was the same cancer my mum died of, which she was around for. Spent three hours on the phone with her, I was devastated.
Her brother rang me the next day to tell me she’d called me but wanted to know want she had said. She didn’t have cancer.
Since then these calls have ruined people’s friendships - too outing to say exactly what, but it’s been horrific.
Go and get some proper help with your drinking.

Thanks again for all of your messages,
im constantly going back to them coz anxiety is high and im now feeling a heavy feeling in my pelvis and panicking like hell. I honestly don’t know if it’s my body just reacting to the anxiety or if I’ve prodded and poked thinking I’ve got niggles and now created niggles if that makes sense.

Do you have anxiety issues normally? Because I think you should probably go see the GP about your anxiety, as this is getting a bit out of control after days of posting.

It's incredibly unlikely anything happened in that small window of time you don't remember. You are working yourself up and creating a narrative you have no basis for, from what you said initially.

You're actually starting to make yourself ill here.

I'm sorry you're still feeling like this. I did exactly the same as you, constantly poking and prodding, but you need to stop.

If anything had happened, some information would have surfaced by now. Like others have said, just because you can't remember, it doesn't mean you will have done anything out of the ordinary. You woke up in your own bed, with all of your clothes still on and you still had all of your belongings.

I remember the high anxiety so well after I went through this. It's easy to say to just try and forget about it. I was able to reassure myself then the anxiety and overthinking would come back in waves. I am a highly anxious person anyway so it wasn't a good combination for me. Have you spoken to your friend again about all of this?

Now I have niggles in my pelvis I’m convinced my bad feelings are correct and I’ve done something even with no memory. Feeling so unwell with it.

I think you’d really benefit from seeking some support with your mental health and considering sobriety.

I agree too but how does this help if I’ve done something and destroyed my relationship?

Because there's absolutely nothing to suggest you have. You woke up with hang-xiety which can send our minds to all sorts of places, but you'd worked yourself up so much that it's carried on long past the hangover. You need to breathe OP, and allow yourself peace. Nothing happened OP, other than you drank too much. As I've said before, you're not the first and you certainly won't be the last.

I am now suffering with pelvic pain which won’t shift. It just has to be related.

So you're thinking you had sex you don't have any memory of, in the 20 minutes you can't remember, with an unknown someone who you were previously not interacting with at all, which left no trace or physical signs at the time. And presumably were unlucky enough to get an STI?

Anxiety commonly presents as pelvic pain. I think you've worked yourself up so much that anxiety is causing you all sorts of problems OP. Honestly, I highly doubt anything untoward happened. And I was once the queen of blackout drunkeness and hangxiety. I'm sure all is fine OP, try to relax, really.

My friend said she searched all over, drove the taxi past where I would walk and couldn’t see me - I could have went another way or stopped somewhere I suppose. Have I wandered into the men’s in the last 30 mins the bar was open. She said we were the only ones in, she was drunk but remembers everything she said. I’ve done about 500 steps which is probably not enough to get home but not sure how accurate my phone is. I’ve made it home but don’t know, how went to bed fully clothed, but I could have just put these on after being in the men’s or something? I’m away at the moment and the pain, nausea etc is impacting on it and and I can’t eat. My husband knows there is something up. I am messaging my mum and on here as I have absolutely no idea what to do for the best. Not sure what other reason there could be for this pelvic pain though I’ve never had it before and I’m frightened it’s going to get worse on my trip. Asked my mum to call the pub this morning to say her daughter has left somethin when she was in and can they check. Not to sound naive but what do you think I would of felt straight away if I had done something?

Get an STI test to put your mind at rest. They can be done via post. Since when have you had sex and had pelvic pain a week later? If not STI test then you are in the clear.

Therapy will help you to recognise how irrational your thinking is and help you to reduce/stop obsessive and intrusive thoughts. At the moment you’re sadly feeding the monster by ruminating on it and giving it lots of time and energy so it’s not getting better.

I'd have thought there would be soreness, stains, fluids. I generally know when I've had sex the previous night, don't you? Not saying it's impossible, but it's not like you'd be likely to be properly aroused for sex while drunk in a toilet with a random.

Look, just book an appointment with your gp for your anxiety and get an STI check if you can't let go of the idea.

Get some medical help OP - An STI check, to be very sure. Also, help with your drinking, pelvic pain and anxiety.

Sorry you're feeling so shitty. I've had horrible hanxiety before, so can emphasise - it really is the worst.

It does sound exceedingly unlikely anything happened. As others have said, I think you'd be able to tell if you'd had sex the night before, because everything is usually a bit "different" down there isn't it? Maybe another friend, or someone else from the pub, saw you were too far gone and put you in a cab? Sounds more likely than you being raped in a pub, but then having no soreness or anything the next day x

You havent had sex with a stranger. You've probably either walked home or got a taxi. You woke up fully clothed in your own bed. No evidence on your body and your friend says you were the last people in the pub

Really gently if you were so drunk you blacked out then anything sexual would not have been consensual. You do not need to worry that you've done something that's ruined your marriage. You need to seek help for your anxiety, a bit of hangxiety the next day is normal but worrying a week later is not

I agree - that degree of memory loss is very rare.

Do you have Google maps on your phone? If you go to your profile then My Timeline you might be able to see exactly where you were and when. It saved me when I had a similar alcohol induced blackout, though in my case I woke up covered in cuts and bruises and was absolutely terrified, but I'd just wobbled and fallen off my bike on the way home (stupid I know to cycle in that state, it was only a 5 minute journey)

Sympathies OP. In my younger and less responsible days I had this more than once and empathise with your confusion and anxiety. Once I’d got a local car back service (where they drive you home in your own car) but in the morning my car wasn’t on the drive. Thinking maybe I’d actually got a taxi instead I called the friend I’d been out with, who’d walked me to my car and waited for the (Known to us, trustworthy) driver with me. I found my car on next doors private gated driveway where my parking instructions had clearly gone badly awry. Another time I ended up tracing my journey home via bouncers and barstaff I knew and had talked to. Nothing untoward had happened either time, I had ‘just’ blacked out and not formed memories of getting home. I now exercise much more control over how much I drink, particularly when I’m out. It sounds like you got home safe and alone, please don’t be so hard on yourself. Just take it as a warning and a lesson, and adjust your behaviour in future x

I really hope that this is anxiety induced & I feel better tomorrow coz it’s currently completely ruining my trip with my husband & the whole time I’m not present, googling stuff on my phone

i have it but don’t think I gave it enabled. Can you tell me how to check please?