Have I done something drunk?

[Onslow1985]

I know this is a real wake up call to stop drinking but I just needed to mention on here for accountability. I went out for a friends 40th last night ended up at my local pub afterwards. Last ones in the pub with my friend who booked a taxi and somehow lost me in the pub, said I wasn’t in toilets and I can’t remember getting home. I don’t know if I’ve decided I was too drunk and left to walk home as I got home safe with all of my belongings and woke up fully clothed in bed. My husband was away for the night and he isn’t happy with me and rightly so. However I’m in panic mode that I don’t remember getting home at all and coming up with all sorts of scenarios, that I’ve ended up getting a lift off a random and inviting them in my house although there is nothing to suggest doing so. We weren’t talking to anybody in the pub and last ones in there. I’m really panicking! Don’t want to ask neighbour in case she’s seen something of these hopefully made up scenarios!

"One sniff of the barmaid's appron" 🤣 this made me lol 🤣

I’ve had a couple of times where I’ve had no memory’s of getting home, my boyfriend was with me and after said I was walking and talking on the way home so it is possible you did just walk yourself home and go to bed just your brains deleted all the info as it hadn’t gone into your memory bcus of the alcohol so now you’re thinking the worst x

The more time goes on the more the anxiety is increasing! I’m now convinced I’ve brought someone home with me and I don’t know why, convinced my body feels different even though I was fully clothed when I woke and it’s eating me with guilt. Studying the underwear I was wearing for anything. Think I’m imagining scenes in my head because there is nothing there I’m hopefully making it up! I hope to god I am cos I’m now worrying about my neighbour and whether she has video footage.

It sounds like you were pissed, your friend was pissed, either you left before her to walk home or she left in taxi and you realised she'd gone and walked home.

Is it a pub you've walked home from before? If so that seems likely.

I think this is alcohol induced anxiety and agree if you never want to deal with this anxiety again the smart thing would be to stop drinking.

If you can’t let this go maybe you should ask your neighbour if she has any footage? You clearly weren’t in a state to consent to anything so if anything has happened you were taken advantage of. That’s a crime.

Do you have strategies to calm your anxiety? Like the 5 senses one or something (google a few and try them all and see what works). If you can work out how to calm your anxiety it will probably help you stop drinking to excess in future, you'll be so much more in touch with yourself & able to handle things.

You probably just walked home on autopilot. In the unlikely event your neighbor has a video it is probably of you talking to the pot plants or something incredibly innocuous.

nothing happened. Dont let yourself get that drunk again.

Thank you but not sure I can for the fear or something being there. I live in a really small place so there is the fear of someone else coming into the bar who I know or bumping into someone on my short walk home. Type of place where it’s only a matter of time before something would come out anyway. We go away for my husbands birthday this weekend and I’m so annoyed with myself that I’m feeling like this ahead of it potentially from being stupid.

Hi @Onslow1985hope you’re feeling better this Morning! Just to say I’ve been there, the fear is awful but it will get better. Try and talk yourself down, you got home, you’re safe and today is a new day. I’m hoping the memories come back to you - mine usually do after a few days!

Hi OP just to say the anxiety and feelings of doom don't really mean something bad happened. Alcohol seriously messes with the chemical balance of your brain and can make you feel extremely anxious. It's very common and tends to get worse the more you do as alcohol does a number on you. Before I quit drinking I'd only have to have one or two drinks to feel horrendously anxious the next day.

I've been there op. That night I mentioned in my previous reply, I was convinced I must have done something and like you was checking my underwear and everything for any signs. I completely spiralled and then even got paranoid that I could be pregnant as it was around ovulation time. I didn't relax until I got my period 2 weeks later.

The chances are very slim that you did anything. You woke up with your clothes on. Sleeping with someone is such a significant thing that you would get flashbacks from if it did happen. This is the anxiety causing you to think this. It might take some time but it will fade, I promise.

Somewhat disappointing that your 'friend' didn't make contact to see if you got home okay..

She did, she had messaged me I just meant no calls or texts from myself so I musnt have been looking at my phone at all. She was really panicked.

Stop stressing about it and gradually through the day it will probably all come back to you.

It's only Tuesday, why are you expecting this to have an impact on the weekend away with your husband???

Eat something, go for a walk or if you're at work concentrate on that.

Thanks so much for your message. Yes it is also my ovulation time. Now I’m paranoid I can feel niggles down there. I really hope this passes soon. I’m struggling to hide it at work and home. Luckily I can speak to my mum with no judgment but there’s no way I could mention it to my husband.

Honestly, please don't worry. I have had blackouts before in the morning and been so worried. When mentioned to a friend they would say "you don't remember, you didn't seem drunk, you were fine" I think its a hormonal age thing, u would have had a flashback by now if there was anything sinister. PP's are right, it will fade in time.

Well that's reassuring at least. I'm sure nothing untoward happened, you'd know somehow. Trust me, I've been there! 😆🤦‍♀️

The fact that you are getting blackout drunk is a real concern.
If I were your partner/spouse I could not tolerate this.
I know you have been through a lot but this is not helping.
What could have happened last night doesn’t bear thinking about. Be glad it didn’t, but you are making yourself vulnerable. To do so when your other half is away is an added risk.
See if you can access some counselling.
Have a friend who got to the blackout stage and it’s gone further. She’s lost everything, and it seemed to spiral so quickly. One minute she had a great job, family, partner. She’s now homeless and very few people are still around because her behaviour had become appalling. I hardly recognise her.
Instead of worrying about last night, start thinking about your future. You have been safe so far, but you could easily slip into a different life you do not want.

How did you know you’d been there?

Oh I meant not remembering how I got home. The hangxiety is real though. I'm sure you're fine. You can't help but overthink it though.

Agree I get this and did more so when I was younger, I don't have to be especially drunk and can usually function well but my brian just completely blacks out and I have no memories, I have to be very careful now when I drink.

I keep going back to your comment as a bit of reassurance as I’m still panicking about down there and I don’t know why. But if you’re still functioning in a blackout it could be possible? The feelings of going to the pub to find it and never stepping foot in there again in case I’m barred or something or find out something I don’t want to hear with my husband standing next to me!

I keep going back to your comment as a bit of reassurance as I’m still panicking about down there and I don’t know why. But if you’re still functioning in a blackout it could be possible? The feelings of going to the pub to find it and never stepping foot in there again in case I’m barred or something or find out something I don’t want to hear with my husband standing next to me!

I'm sure if your friend was looking for you at the end of the night in the bar then she would remember if you had done anything that would cause you to be barred. If you are anything like me, you would have just realised how drunk you were and decided to get yourself home there and then.

Could you call the bar and ask them if they saw you leaving? You could try to cover it with saying you lost something, and ask them if they saw you leaving with it? That way, that could reassure you that you left alone and I'm sure if you were barred (which you won't be) then they would tell you on the phone.