Boyfriend refusing STI test

[ColdSpring25]

Been together 4 years, found out he was dating apps at the end and ended it. He’s now started communication again and I told him that it will alleviate a lot of my anxiety if he would do an STI test (he does not use condoms). I’ve just done one which came back clear. I told him that I could buy him a home kit and that I can’t consider sex without it, but He is adamant he’s not doing one and said to stop bullying him into something he doesn’t want to do. 1. I don’t understand his reluctance? 2. I can’t bring myself to be intimate with him without it, so what’s the point of reconciliation? I’m conflicted because I adored this man and thought he was the one I was going to spend my life with.

He clearly isn’t the one 🤷🏽‍♀️

Id dump his sorry ass so fast, don’t let him
bully you into him not getting one!

Ick. How could you adore someone who cheated on you and now refuses to do an STI test? That’s grim. He’s not a keeper, sorry. I think he’s doing you a huge favour here. RIP the plaster off. Block him. Move on. There are proper decent men out there for you.

Why are you considering taking back a lying cheat who can’t do one simple thing to show he gives a shit about you?

he sounds like a right catch

This.

Ewww pick that bar up off the floor, block him and move on. He won’t take one as he knows he is riddled.

Dump him, he doesn’t care about your feelings or keeping you safe. You deserve better.

I’m afraid that if he genuinely cared about you and wanted to do the smallest, easiest thing to start making the tiniest of amends, he’d be delighted to take the test. I imagine his reluctance is because he doesn’t care. That sounds really harsh now I’ve typed it out, but it stands. I’m sure he’s saying lots of lovely things right now (forgive me if I’m making the wrong assumption) but he won’t do this one small thing?

You deserve better. I know it hurts, but that future you’re grieving over was fake. You deserve someone who is honest and treats you with respect.

What they said.

Vomit inducing. He needs to grow the fuck up, as do you.
What worldly advice would you give to a daughter of your own in this position? Do that.

Yeah. He's not that into you.

He wouldn't have cheated in the first instance.

Then refuse to have a STI test.

Don't interact any further. He's wasting your time. He really doesn't care about you.

Sorry.

But it's not a small thing.
It's a really important thing for OP's health and well -being.
I just find it amazing that someone who sleeps around obviously doesn't care about his own sexual health. He's playing Russian Roulette by not wearing condoms.

My guess is he knows he is riddled... Don't let that thing or him near you.
Ltb and don't look back...

What is it about him that you feel is worth fighting for. He’s not willing to do a very simple thing to make you feel safe before being with him again. What is it about him that would make you want to be with someone who has no respect for you and why would you even care what he thought. You’re talking about POS who doesn’t care what you think. If he treats you like this now, I couldn’t imagine if you trapped him with a baby. I’d rather be alone than with that, whatever you’d call him. He’s garbage. Take the garbage out and get some self respect. When you start showing confidence in yourself you’ll start attracting a better sort of human relationships. Maybe some therapy.

I can’t bring myself to be intimate with him without it, so what’s the point of reconciliation?

No offence but what's the point in reconciliation anyway.

He was cheating or at the very least trying to in your relationship and you ended it because you found out.

Why will he not go on apps again? What amazing changes would there be in the relationship?

Anyway decent people just end things and then try dating others. He doesn't. He tries to.cheat or line the next one up so ...

Maybe try to find someone who doesn't go on dating apps while they're still in a relationship.

Just move on.
He isn't worth it.

Why on earth would you consider seeing him again? He sounds awful, selfish, and disgusting.

Why would you get back with this sexually unsafe lying man? Please stand up and move on.

If he refuses to use a condom kick him out the door, it's obvious

Why would you want to go back to a cheater who won't even do part of the safe part of safe sex, that is, get tested so he's not giving you stis?

He won't even do the basics. Do not touch with 10 foot pole.

I just find it amazing that someone who sleeps around obviously doesn't care about his own sexual health. He's playing Russian Roulette by not wearing condoms

I was talking to a guy in his 30s about men online recalling experiences with Thai prostitutes in which they didn't use condoms and I was utterly mindful boggled at why/how ....he said that most guys he knows wouldn't eithe. They'd just be completely blasé and optimistic about it.

I saw a documentary by the BBC about typical differences in the spectrum of traits and behaviours in males & females, and they claimed that males are on average way more risk taking from young. A geneticist once told me that roughly equal numbers of males and females are born but that there has always been a tendency for higher female survival because males have been more likely to lose their lives doing risky things.

They seem to have this blasé, cavalier, it'll never happen to me, "whatever"wiring.

Sorry OP but more fool you if you take him back. You should want better for yourself than this.

Refuses to have an STI test? That’s very………..old fashioned.

Are you both okay with being HIV positive then? I mean, you can die from it, but apart from that it’s not too bad, right?

Bye then.

What a knob.

Yup