Boyfriend refusing STI test

[ColdSpring25]

Been together 4 years, found out he was dating apps at the end and ended it. He’s now started communication again and I told him that it will alleviate a lot of my anxiety if he would do an STI test (he does not use condoms). I’ve just done one which came back clear. I told him that I could buy him a home kit and that I can’t consider sex without it, but He is adamant he’s not doing one and said to stop bullying him into something he doesn’t want to do. 1. I don’t understand his reluctance? 2. I can’t bring myself to be intimate with him without it, so what’s the point of reconciliation? I’m conflicted because I adored this man and thought he was the one I was going to spend my life with.

Have some self respect for goodness sake, tell him to fuck off.

Love it when selfish dickheads use “stop bullying me” to mean “stop having reasonable boundaries”.

You know @ColdSpring25 that he will just bring you down, take your last ounce if confidence, leave you and then still blame it on you.

You are better. Be strong. You can be. There's a whole new future out there.

He's a real piece of shit isn't he.

1. He cheated on you with dating aps.
2. He refuses to do an STI test.

He sounds.....'adorable'. Not.

And you want/ed to spend the rest of your life with this thing?

This man is a pos and not anyone you would want to spend any time with, let alone the rest of your life. He is garbage. What do you do? You should have stuck to your original decision to end it. Block him on all devices, have nothing to do with him again. If he is "adamant" that he is not going to have an STI test, then you need to be equally adamant that this is the end for good. You deserve so much better than dregs like him. He had you fooled, he is adorable like norovirus.

Doesn’t use condoms? How did he make it into your bed the first time? That should have been a dealbreaker.

its extremely unlikely he truly can’t use them. I’m horribly allergic to most condoms, but I still made sure to track down and always have the special non-allergy ones that I could use when I was in that phase of life.

now he doesn’t want an sti test and you are wavering. An sti test should be standard at the start of a relationship and again several months in because of incubation periods. It has nothing to do with him personally. Any potential partner should want to keep you safe by testing and using protection.

you need to get this man out of your life and then work on your self esteem.

Why are you taking him back?

He sounds awful.

We all have a line in the sand about things
you asked he said no it’s that simple

he’s not going to get one so you either accept that or move on

Have some self-respect and standards and dump him.

To PP, yes he is very old fashioned. He’s 50.

I wouldn't fuck him with someone else's. Reconcile for what? Do you love him? Do you think he loved you when he was having unprotected sex with other people and the jeopardising your health?

He doesn't care about you. Probably also suspects he is infected and doesn't want you to know. Nice guy.....not!

Not taking any offence op but I am 50 he’s a dick! He’s on the apps like a kid in a candy store. I have a divorced mate exactly the same can’t now be happy with what he’s got and cheated via the apps with every partner since divorce.

There are nicer men out there listen to the women on here. Back into the pond he goes x

You can't bully him he is right, but why on earth you would sleep with him I have no idea or stay with him

Duplicate post

If he is "adamant" that he is not going to have an STI test, then you need to be equally adamant that this is the end for good.

Even if he ultimately relents and takes one, you still need to bin him, the damage is done. He’s absolute scum and you deserve better.

Don't you mean ex boyfriend?

I think you have to lower your expectations if you want to be with this man.

You are not his priority and he does not have your best interests at heart.

Other women. No STI checking. No condoms.

You may love him, but he doesn't love you. He's going to make you unhappy again, because even in the reconciliation stages he's not prepared to do anything for you.

Honestly, you'd be better off single. I know heartbreak is hard, but on the other side of it is peace. You're never going to be at peace with him, because he's going to let you down, again and again.

50 - old fashioned!? That suggests to me you’re a lot younger. I’m 55. I came of age when HIV infection was a death sentence. My friends and I used condoms religiously. He’s a similar age so it should be in his DNA to use condoms and if it’s not then he’s a staggering health risk. You’ll have huge anxiety if you try to get back with him. Best to move on.

Not that old fashioned if he was cheating using dating apps.

With all due respect, why the fuck would you even dream of going back to
this scumbag?

@ColdSpring25 well he definitely aint it now, is he????

As @Dery said - I’m 55 and using condoms was drilled into us - as was refusing sex with selfish men who ‘didn’t like’ them - we grew up at the height of the AIDS crisis.

His refusal would have been a dealbreaker anyway but this - no - find a man who treats you better and dump this man baby.

No he is not!!! Old fashioned men don't go behind their partner's back, or refuse an STI test when asked.

He is the exact opposite of old fashioned.

He’s not ‘old fashioned’ he’s a lying cheating selfish prick.

Im older than him and I wouldn’t tolerate his behaviour.

Are you significantly younger then?

Same here - I’m 57. If a man won’t use condoms, he’s gone.

He doesn't even care enough about you to do a simple test.

A person who loved themselves would block him.