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Original poster

Boyfriend has dumped me 10 days after dad passing away

113 replies

BoldViper · 12/03/2025 20:37

Hiya I need some advice
My father passed away 12days ago, I've been struggling emotionally and the man that claimed loved me has today decided to end the relationship, it was early days only 6 months in but apparently it was too much for him and causing him stress.
I do feel a little resentful that he's done this while I'm trying to navigate my way through.
Am I selfish? Should I be more understanding?
Please be honest. My emotions have been up and down I know i ain't been perfect but I am trying

OP posts:
Vkad · 12/03/2025 20:38

No, you are not selfish and I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.

Think positively about the dumping though - better you find out that he's a selfish, spineless turd who only cares about himself now, rather than when you had bought a house and had a baby with him.

TakingBackSunday · 12/03/2025 20:39

It's been causing him stress?

Jeez, I'm so sorry op, it probably feels a million times worse given the circumstances but it sounds like you're better off without him.

Do you have any friends or family that can support you?

I'm so sorry for your loss x

Hoppinggreen · 12/03/2025 20:40

I am sorry for your loss
For whatever reason it wasn't working for this man.
Would you rather he had stayed with you out of sympathy?

pimplebum · 12/03/2025 20:42

Two big losses , I’m sorry for you but at least the second one is clearing out the trash and will be easier to get over - what a loser!

Kt06 · 12/03/2025 20:42

It won't feel like it now but you'll look back on this as being a blessing in disguise.

Original poster
BoldViper · 12/03/2025 20:43

The confusion is it was working absolutely amazing up until the grieving process started but he says I'm too emotional. Of course I wouldn't want him to stay out of pity, I want him to be happy

OP posts:
crumpet · 12/03/2025 20:43

No you are not selfish - but be pleased that you only wasted 6 months on this charmer. Could have been worse.

JenniferBooth · 12/03/2025 20:45

He was a fair weather partner @BoldViper
Im so sorry for your loss Flowers My dad died back in October
Its shit

Zeitumschaltung · 12/03/2025 20:45

Sometimes the trash takes itself out. You will find better.
Sorry for the loss of your dad.

Hoppinggreen · 12/03/2025 20:46

BoldViper · 12/03/2025 20:43

The confusion is it was working absolutely amazing up until the grieving process started but he says I'm too emotional. Of course I wouldn't want him to stay out of pity, I want him to be happy

Well either it wasn't working as amazing(ly) as you thought OR he couldn't deal with anything that didn't centre him.
Whichever it was you are better off without him

User5274959 · 12/03/2025 20:47

I'm sorry OP 😞
I think that he has made it clear who he is, and that he doesn't have the emotional maturity or capability to support you through difficult times. As hard as it is, better to know now.

EmeraldRoulette · 12/03/2025 20:48

BoldViper · 12/03/2025 20:43

The confusion is it was working absolutely amazing up until the grieving process started but he says I'm too emotional. Of course I wouldn't want him to stay out of pity, I want him to be happy

Well you're nicer than I am wanting him to be happy

"the idea you had of me, who was she?
A never needy, ever lovely jewel, whose shine reflects on you" as Taylor Swift would say

he doesn't want a human being. FFS.

What a wanker. I mean, actually that's a really mild word.

I am so sorry for your loss 💐

Original poster
BoldViper · 12/03/2025 20:50

Was i wrong for talking to him about it? Could I have done something different

OP posts:
WinterSun20 · 12/03/2025 20:52

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but this is a good thing. I believe you don't truly know a person until you go through a hardship of some kind. You'd be surprised how many people (men in particular) who are just can't hack being there when the going gets tough. You just need to look at the stats of the number of men who walk away from their partners when they get cancer. It's better that you've found out now rather than later down the line.

You lost a parent less than 2 weeks ago and he can't handle it because he's too stressed and you're too emotional? Yeah, he's done you a massive favour. I'm just sorry that you now have to add this upset on top of your grief. I hope you have other support you can rely on. Flowers

Original poster
BoldViper · 12/03/2025 20:53

Thank you all for condolences
Just get through today, tomorrow can wait.
Last night was my worse night and I didn't sleep probably was frustrating for him. I don't want to give the impression he's a bad person, he isn't. I just think it was a lot of preasure for a 6 month relationship.
Thank you all for advice

OP posts:
vipersnest1 · 12/03/2025 20:55

What would your dad say OP? (I'm guessing he would tell you that this 'man' is no catch.) go with that.
Take care of yourself. Flowers

Ohdeardearme · 12/03/2025 20:57

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

And of course you should have been able to talk to him about how you were feeling.
It's not your fault he is a selfish shallow man who thinks everything should be about him.

It won't feel like it now but really you were best to find out the type of person he is.

You deserve so.much better.

Lostworlds · 12/03/2025 20:57

I’m so sorry for your loss.

He is an idiot and as hard as it is to see now, this is a great thing for you, you’re well rid of him!
6 months in is new but surely he could be far more understanding of the situation, your dad died, that’s heartbreaking and any decent human being would want to comfort and support you.

The fact he said you’re too emotional shows he’s not the good person he portrays himself to be. Even if it was too much for him, he could have suggested giving you a little space to grieve with your family for a couple of days and continue checking in on you.

AFrankExchangeofViews · 12/03/2025 20:58

Im so sorry for your loss, and I hope you can think of this as a final gift from your dad. This man is not good enough for you. He cant even offer even the most basic of support, 10 days is pathetic of him. I know it doesnt feel like it now, but finding this out after just 6 months is a blessing, your life will be greatly improved without a person like that in it. Whatever goodness you thought he had, he doesnt, that was just window dressing. People show you who they are.

aquashiv · 12/03/2025 20:58

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. This is a confusing time emotionally, and it's essential to allow yourself to grieve.

Regarding that guy, he would never have been good enough for you. Be thankful that you didn't waste too much time on him.

oakleaffy · 12/03/2025 21:14

BoldViper · 12/03/2025 20:43

The confusion is it was working absolutely amazing up until the grieving process started but he says I'm too emotional. Of course I wouldn't want him to stay out of pity, I want him to be happy

You want him to be happy??

He sounds a selfish asshole you are well shot of.

Sorry about your Dad, but this asshat was probably looking for an 'out' anyway, and this was a convenient excuse.

{Get a dog- much more loyal and faithful!}

YourBestFriend · 12/03/2025 21:31

I'm sorry for your loss. However, it's important not to judge your ex-boyfriend for this. He has the right to end the relationship if he feels it's not right for him. In fact, it takes courage to make that decision. Imagine if, months from now, he admitted he had been postponing it—you would likely feel misled and deceived. Ending it now is the more honest choice.
Sending virtual hugs.

ChewbaccaAteMyHamster · 12/03/2025 21:38

I'm really sorry for the loss of your Dad. I lost mine 3 weeks ago. 💔

You have not done anything wrong so please don't think you have.

To be honest I think you have had a lucky escape. If he can't deal with you when you are going through your worst then he doesn't deserve you at your best. He has shown himself to be the kind of person who jumps ship at the first sign that things are not completely rosy. Don't waste any more time worrying about him and how he is feeling. Concentrate on yourself and taking care of yourself and getting through this difficult stage of your life. One day you will meet someone who will be worthy of you.

oakleaffy · 12/03/2025 21:39

BoldViper · 12/03/2025 20:50

Was i wrong for talking to him about it? Could I have done something different

No, in a word.
You have to be true to yourself.

If this man can't ''cope'' he will always have feet of clay as far as you are concerned.

When one truly gets on with someone, there is no need to moderate how one feels, or pretend to be someone you aren't.

b0zza1 · 12/03/2025 21:39

Apparently people show their best selves for the first 6 months in relationships. You're just seeing who he really is. I like the question, 'what would you say to a friend in your situation?'