Boyfriend has dumped me 10 days after dad passing away

[BoldViper]

Hiya I need some advice
My father passed away 12days ago, I've been struggling emotionally and the man that claimed loved me has today decided to end the relationship, it was early days only 6 months in but apparently it was too much for him and causing him stress.
I do feel a little resentful that he's done this while I'm trying to navigate my way through.
Am I selfish? Should I be more understanding?
Please be honest. My emotions have been up and down I know i ain't been perfect but I am trying

Better you find out now that he's not supportive in times of sadness or stress (or probably sickness), than you find out later on when you're more committed.

Sorry for the loss of your dad. 💐

You couldn’t go through life not ever expressing your emotions to your partner so that wouldn’t have worked. It is shitty timing from him and I am very sorry about your dad.

I can't imagine for a moment that anyone here would advise a woman to leave just ten days after her boyfriend father had died, and purely because (and to tell him so) he was 'too emotional' in his grief.

Sorry for your loss. I understand why you feel resentful that he ended your relationship the way he did, but unless he was all in for supporting you through your bereavement it was best that he ended it then. Had he continued you would have had to deal with his increasing resentment and flakiness when you should be taking care of your own well being.

As you said, 6 months is early days and so not really a committed relationship, not enough to shoulder that kind of pain. But he may well be the kind of person who will never be supportive and always find another person’s unhappiness too stressful, in which case he will never be BF material and, although the timing sucks, you’re lucky to have found that out now.

Ten days after my beloved dad died I cried for the first time. I think I'd been in shock until then. Was told to pull myself together and get over it. By my exH. The absolute coldness of it was the end of our relationship, and showed me just exactly what a sub-human specimen he was.
This one has done you a favour by showing you his true nature early on in your relationship, even though it adds another dimension to your grief.
I'm so sorry about your dad.

Just want to thank everyone so much for the support it really does mean alot.
The first 10 days he was good with me. There was a couple of things but I'm not perfect either can't be easy to be around someone that's crying all the time.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

You did nothing wrong talking to your bf. That's an entirely reasonable thing to do.

Some people aren't very good at dealing with other people's grief or at supporting other people and as pp have said, this would have shown at some point and probably means he wouldn't be a great bf long term.

Maybe he was only happy when things were going his way and fun. Same again - not a good long term bf.

It's sad that you've had to find out this way, but it only reflects badly on him.

So he's messaged since
" just want to see if your OK, I don't want you to think I'm a twat or horrible so just thought I'd see if your ok as i do care"

I have not replied, should I?

You reply if you want to reply you don’t if you don’t. There’s no right or wrong here

You need to reframe that to “he is unable to deal with emotional relationships”

of course your emotional..you e just lost your father

i had a friend once whose boyfriend said “it’s been 6 weeks” astonished when she told him she was sad because of grieving the loss of her dad..bizarre!!

this guy was called Barry?? Any chance

Ooo now who did occur to that someone is a twat etc etc

I dont know what's right or wrong anymore
My dad was the one I always went to for advice on stuff because he always knew the right way to go about things

As others have said, you'll realise you dodged a bullet in time. I've been out with guys who cannot care for others in distress and run away instead. It's not the sign of a man you want to waste time with as who wants that when they have kids and need support? So sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry you are going through this but you have seen the level of support and understanding he is willing to give and are better off without him. I met my now DH 6 months before my amazing GM was diagnosed with cancer and died within 10 weeks. He flew back from a pre booked golfing trip early to come to her funeral (and only went on the trip because I insisted).

You should not be wondering if you should have done things differently around him, you can’t live your life tempering emotions like grief to suit someone else.

Sending you strength at this terrible time x

He's called stuart 😔

Personally I wouldn’t reply, his message sounds like he’s feeling guilty and wants to make himself feel better, it’s not about you. It is not your job to make him feel better. At the moment concentrate on yourself. I’m so sorry for your loss OP, I can’t imagine how you must be feeling after the loss of your lovely Dad.

Out of curiosity how old is he? I suppose if he’s in his early 20’s I can kind of understand he might not be emotionally mature enough to know how to cope and panic but any older and you’ve dodged a bullet.

My dad was lovely the best human to walk the earth. I was in a DV relationship for a while until my dad find out I was out of it the same day. My dad is my hero and I dont know how to navigate without him here

He's 43. I'm 38. My first relationship after 5 years single after a DV relationship.

What?

Only you know if you will want to reply, I would probably say I’m fine thanks and leave it at that others might not even want to read his message. Just do what you want if your not sure there’s no rush to reply

You’ve had a lucky escape from this man. Better to find out at the beginning that he can’t deal with normal emotion or be a loving partner.

I am so sorry for your loss

I’m so sorry, I have a Mum like your Dad and I can’t imagine how I’d cope in your situation. Just remember this man is not like your Dad and your Dad would want you to have and you deserve a man who is like your Dad puts you first and is emotionally supportive. I hope you have some real life support from family and friends. Most of all be kind to yourself, grief is incredibly hard to navigate and can hit you at the most unsuspecting times.

In that case as horrible as you feel about it now, you have dodged a bullet. He was not your person and they’ll be someone else out there for you better.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum last year and my husband was my rock. I cried on him so many times. Now obviously a husband is different to a boyfriend of 6 months but he sounds like a weak man who didn't really love you if he ran at the first sign of trouble. You'll see this as a blessing eventually.