Boyfriend has dumped me 10 days after dad passing away

[BoldViper]

Hiya I need some advice
My father passed away 12days ago, I've been struggling emotionally and the man that claimed loved me has today decided to end the relationship, it was early days only 6 months in but apparently it was too much for him and causing him stress.
I do feel a little resentful that he's done this while I'm trying to navigate my way through.
Am I selfish? Should I be more understanding?
Please be honest. My emotions have been up and down I know i ain't been perfect but I am trying

You are better off without the selfish prick.
sorry for your loss x

My friend has messaged saying she can't come why is my whole life falling apart in one month

@BoldViper I’m so sorry about your friend, that’s incredibly hard on you on top of everything else. Do you have any family support?

I thought it did but instead I've been left looking for support from strangers on the internet

Me too. I presumed he was 21-24 ish based on his behaviour. What a horrible human being that’s old enough to know much better.

I agree. Other PPs say he's being a bastard, but it is too much pressure for a 6 month relationship. It's very, very unfortunate timing. It's just the way it is. He owes you nothing. Lots of love to you for losing you Dad, it's a bugger.

Death is an incredibly hard thing to come to terms with and everyone reacts differently. Whilst I haven’t lost a parent, I did lose my grandmother a few years ago who I was incredibly close to. I kind of coped for the first year, but then I then developed crippling anxiety, looking back I had a breakdown. I’m lucky, I managed to get intensive CBT and EMDR through the NHS (I had a nearly year long wait but it was worth it) which really helped. I withdrew from everyone but my immediate family, it’s definitely had a long term effect on my friendships unfortunately.

Do you have siblings or a Mum you can grieve with? It might also be worth going to your GP for support. There is nothing wrong with turning to the internet for support, sometimes it helps to speak (or type) to others who are a bit more removed than your immediate circle.

You are not selfish!

He's a snowflake, melted under your shoe ... wipe your feet of him and move on. He is not worth thinking about any further.

I'm sorry you feel so alone right now.

What would your dad say to you right now?

I’m so sorry, OP. I’d assumed he was quite young too from his reaction. He is an immature manchild if he can do this at the age of 43.
My ex DP behaved horribly after I lost my dad. I couldn’t grieve for my dad because I spent six months wondering why the person who should have been there for me the most was being so horrible. I never forgave him for that. Friends also let me down and I remember feeling very alone too. I think a lot of people don’t know how to console someone who is grieving and are scared in case that person gets upset. So what if they do? If they’re a good friend or partner, they should be able to cope with a few tears.

I agree with PPs, don’t reply at all or send something very “grey rock” (if you have heard of it). He’s just trying to assuage his conscience. You could say something like “of course I’m not alright; I’ve just lost my beloved dad and the person I thought would be there to support me has broken up with me”. And leave it at that. And don’t reply to him again.

I also feel for you with it being your first relationship after your DV relationship. I remember the first guy I saw after an emotionally abusive relationship breaking up with me and I felt absolutely devastated. It is very hard to trust again after a DV relationship and then when the next person lets you down you can really take it to heart. This guy isn’t worth your time at all. Focus on yourself and your own grieving, though I know that’s easier said than done. Sending you a virtual hug.

What I think was bastard behaviour was him blaming the OP’s behaviour for him breaking up with her. He said she was “too emotional” when she’d just lost her dad. I’d have still not been impressed if he’d ditched her ten days after losing her dad but he could have taken some responsibility and said he can’t cope with the pressure rather than trying to make it the OP’s fault. That’s immature and unfair and has left the OP blaming herself when she should be focusing on her own grieving. I’m sorry-that is bastard behaviour in my eyes.

" I presumed he was 21-24 ish based on his behaviour. What a horrible human being that’s old enough to know much better"

Oh lord! Another one on the loose out there that I'll probably end up marrying. Such as shame we cant have a list of ' potential partners to avoid'.

As for the text - I don't think I'd reply. It does sound like he is seeking to alleviate his conscience a little. The trouble with texting someone who has/is causing us pain, is we then spend all day waiting for that little bit of a 'human touch' from them.

Looking in the wrong place sweetheart.

My dad was my world and when I lost him, it was my first real experience of death and grief. It still hurts some six years later, but its manageable now. The last thing you want to hear is that 'time is a healer' and 'everything will be ok' because in your very bones and soul you think it never will be.

I think that perhaps the hurt you feel towards this chap is more hurt for your recent loss of your dad. It's very early days in your grieving process and you need someone to listen to you, sit with you whilst you sob your heart out - it really doesn't matter if they are strangers on the internet or a physical best buddy - as long as they care and listen. I went to my GP about three weeks after my dad passed and sat there in a mess of snot and tears and asked him to help me.
He said " I can't - you are grieving and you have to go through it. I could give you sleeping pills or something to numb it all out for you - but that is a temporary fix".

He was right. I did ring a grief helpline a few times, and the Samaritans and a few other helplines when I felt it was all too much - they were great and listened to me and let me pour it all out.

You pour away sweetheart and none of us are strangers - just friends that haven't met yet - sorry, saw that on a pub wall once and it just popped into my head.

My dad died recently. If this had happened to me he wouldn’t even be in my thoughts. If he has so little decency then he’s not worth a second of your thoughts.

be kind to yourself, DMs open if you need a hand hold