Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Disrespectful boyfriend - what would you do?

103 replies

S0rrywhat · 09/03/2025 01:48

I am staying at my boyfriends house tonight. He has recently adopted a terrible snoring problem every night, previously had no issues over the last 2 and a half years. I woke him up 3 or 4 times to tell him he was snoring and was keeping me awake. His response was irritation that I had woken him up, suggested I sleep downstairs. When I suggested that maybe he should be the one to do that, he told me this was his house and his bedroom and if I didn't like it I shouldn't stay again. I suggested he should stop being an a total asshole and was being selfish as he was keeping me up, to which I was then told to fuck off and stop waking him up! To say I'm astounded is an understatement...what would you do here?!

OP posts:

Topseyt123 · 09/03/2025 01:52

I'd think that we were incompatible and that the relationship had no future.

DoAWheelie · 09/03/2025 01:53

He can't do anything to help it during the night. It's his house. Either go home or sleep downstairs.

During the day time he should be looking to see what he can do to improve the problem but constantly waking him up through the night when he can't do anything about it is just cruel. And I say this as someone who spent 15 years with a snoring partner.

LadyWiddiothethird · 09/03/2025 02:04

Go home to your own house! Or deep downstairs as your OH suggested!

BlondiePortz · 09/03/2025 02:09

Why would he have to sleep downstairs?

CheekyHobson · 09/03/2025 02:13

Can’t you just give him a gentle nudge in his sleep so he stops snoring? What he is going to do about his 💤 sounds like a discussion to be had during the day, not at night when nobody is in the mood for an argument or even a sensible discussion.

Original poster

S0rrywhat · 09/03/2025 02:15

@BlondiePortz He is snoring all night and keeping me awake? Am I being unreasonable to be disappointed by his response? It seems selfish to me. He's asleep but I lie awake all night and he doesn't mind if I get no sleep because of it.

OP posts:

MarkingBad · 09/03/2025 02:21

I would, and have previously got up and slept on the sofa and had a sensible discussion the next day.

If you can't cope with his snoring, there's no easy fix so either resolve to not spend the night or move out of the bed after together time and sleep elsewhere. It's his house and his bed.

I have sleep problems not snoring but it will wake people up, when staying over someone elses and they occur I move myself to another room if I'm made aware of it, if they are in my house, they are free to go find another room too.

Lurkingandlearning · 09/03/2025 02:22

You know he has no control over his snoring, right?

Why are laying next to him awake when you could be asleep on the sofa?

GarlicStyle · 09/03/2025 02:27

He's not exactly snoring on purpose, is he? I fail to see how this is disrespectful, nor why he should vacate his own bed to let you sleep more soundly.

Something's making him snore. If he doesn't believe he does it, get the SnoreLab app which records sounds while you sleep. You have to pay to access detailed results, but there's a free trial and the unpaid version works well enough for simple purposes.

If he's surprised by his snoring, he can check with his GP for any obvious causes and some advice.

FWIW, I once left after my first (and only ) shag with someone I really liked because his snoring was epic and non-stop. He was none too pleased, but there was no way I could ignore it.

Oopsps · 09/03/2025 02:37

I would check his tonsils to see if if they are swollen as this triggers snoring

TeaNtoast25 · 09/03/2025 02:38

Pinch his nose wen he snores he will soon stop (lol)

BlondiePortz · 09/03/2025 02:38

S0rrywhat · 09/03/2025 02:15

You are a grown up and can take yourself downstairs, I don't think a pumpkin carriage will escort you

Dillydollydingdong · 09/03/2025 02:47

What good does it do to keep waking him up? It just means two people are lying awake, one of them is very irritable and they have a row. YABU.

RickiRaccoon · 09/03/2025 02:48

I wouldn't take half-asleep arguments in the middle of night too seriously. I'd talk to him when you're not both tired. Tell him you can't sleep in the same room while he snores. He can try and get treatment, you can sleep in separate rooms or you can break up.

Popettypop · 09/03/2025 02:49

Seriously just go downstairs.

The conversation around this is for the morning, not waking him up multiple times during the night.. I would be aggrieved too, he can't help it right now can he.

The pumpkin comment made me chuckle, you do sound a tad princessy.

gillefc82 · 09/03/2025 03:01

So according to my DH, I will sometimes (seems to happen more when I’m especially overtired) make a “clucking” noise from the back of my throat. This “cluck” is supposedly executed at such a pitch that it’s guaranteed to disturb his sleep…..which in turn meant he would be waking me during the night, leaving me struggling to fall back asleep whilst he was happily snoring away next to me!

It’s fair to say having our sleep interrupted and being woken at 2/3am, we have both in our sleep deprived states been guilty of exchanging some angry, snappy and at times, downright nasty words. All very much regretted and retracted the following day.

I’ve tried mouth taping and two different mouthguards that are supposed to stop you snoring. They were all really uncomfortable and didn’t work, so were ruled out. So DH now wears foam ear plugs, that I buy in bulk for him every month or so from Amazon. They muffle any of my strange noises enough that he’s able to sleep which also means I’m more likely to get a decent night’s kip!

I’d suggest if you’re planning any future sleepovers, you grab a job lot yourself!

WillIEverBeOk · 09/03/2025 05:34

Yes he is being disrespectful and selfish, but it's obvious you aren't compatible. Take this as a warning before moving in with him and getting too enmeshed.

MWNA · 09/03/2025 06:41

WillIEverBeOk · 09/03/2025 05:34

Yes he is being disrespectful and selfish, but it's obvious you aren't compatible. Take this as a warning before moving in with him and getting too enmeshed.

No he's not! It's his fucking house.
OP, the onus is on you to manage this. Get up and sleep somewhere else or leave! I'm astonished at your attitude. I'd have been livid with you.

Changeissmall · 09/03/2025 06:45

I would have just gone to sleep on the sofa and talked about it in the morning. I used to give mine a bit of a nudge to encourage him to change position but no point in waking him up and trying to kick him out of his own bed.

WillIEverBeOk · 09/03/2025 06:50

MWNA · 09/03/2025 06:41

No he's not! It's his fucking house.
OP, the onus is on you to manage this. Get up and sleep somewhere else or leave! I'm astonished at your attitude. I'd have been livid with you.

Show quote history

It is disrespectful to not take steps to minimise snoring (ie seeing a doctor) and then abusing your partner because they can't sleep. He didn't have to be so rude and nasty.

festivemouse · 09/03/2025 06:54

I don't think it's disrespectful - if the snoring is new then he isn't perhaps at the go to a GP stage!

If you're kept awake by his snoring and have woken him up to tell him that four times, no wonder he is snappy! After doing it twice, surely you'd take yourself off to sleep elsewhere? Rather than keep waking someone up to moan at them? Then telling them they're a selfish asshole? No wonder he snapped at you!

FondantFancyFan · 09/03/2025 07:02

He has recently adopted a terrible snoring problem every night, previously had no issues over the last 2 and a half years. I woke him up 3 or 4 times to tell him he was snoring and was keeping me awake.

You don't adopt snoring, it's not something that you can control

Waking someone up to tell them they're keeping you awake due to snoring which they can't control is unreasonable.

Your behaviour is incredibly unreasonable, entitled and bat shit crazy. I'd tell you to fuck off for that, you don't get to tell someone to sleep downstairs in their own home.

IKnowAPlace · 09/03/2025 07:07

I appreciate that snoring can be incredibly disruptive but your partner can't fix it in the middle of rhe night.

i snore and my ex also snored a lot - he was always moaning at me for keeping him awake, whereas I never once complained about him. To me, the way he spoke to me about it was incredibly disrespectful. Maybe your partner isn't the one for you if you can't respectfully handle conflict.

Loungingbutnotforlong · 09/03/2025 07:09

You are not married, you have your own place. save yourself and sleep at yours or be prepared to sleep on his couch. Honestly, unless the rest of the relationship is amazing, get out now.

FigTreeInEurope · 09/03/2025 07:12

Some men are bastards, even when they're unconscious.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread