Disrespectful boyfriend - what would you do?

[S0rrywhat]

I am staying at my boyfriends house tonight. He has recently adopted a terrible snoring problem every night, previously had no issues over the last 2 and a half years. I woke him up 3 or 4 times to tell him he was snoring and was keeping me awake. His response was irritation that I had woken him up, suggested I sleep downstairs. When I suggested that maybe he should be the one to do that, he told me this was his house and his bedroom and if I didn't like it I shouldn't stay again. I suggested he should stop being an a total asshole and was being selfish as he was keeping me up, to which I was then told to fuck off and stop waking him up! To say I'm astounded is an understatement...what would you do here?!

He can’t help the snoring, he’s not doing it on purpose. A rational conversation in the morning receiving this response and you’d have a genuine beef, but you woke him up, a lot of people wouldn’t give you a friendly response if you did this!

As a snorer myself there is absolutely nothing he can do about this and being woken up is really annoying because you literally can’t help it.
I suggest you take his advice and don’t stay over again.

God he sounds dreadful. In the moment I can imagine him getting grumpy at him being repeatedly woke up, the first night it happened (noone likes being woke up) but he talked to you like completely shit, clearly doesn't care you were being woken up & couldn't sleep, clearly didn't care about your feelings and talked down to you like a piece of crap.

Basically this was the first time you both faced a little hurdle together and he blatantly embarrassingly failed. Just dump this guy, he's horrible.

Ultimately I feel like everyone's missing the point of his post - sure in the moment she could've gone downstairs but it was the talking to her like shit that was the major red flag here, surely. I'm guessing there wasn't a respectful kind conversation the next morning, OP, and he thought he was in the right to speak to you like that?

I would end a relationship with someone who thinks it's ok to tell me to fuck off and who doesn't care if they are keeping me awake and prioritises their comfort at the cost of mine.

He can't help it. What do you expect him to do about it in the middle of the night, half asleep? People are fallible.

Get up and go home. Sleep in your own bed.

Then have a civilised conversation about it. Does he have a cold, swollen tonsils, had he drunk a lot, is he over weight? All possible causes. Work out which one, then decide if you are prepared to wait until it is fixed. Or stop seeing him.

But stop whining.

If you lived together then maybe his response would seem a bit crap, but he is right. It's his house and his bed. Ypure choosing to be there. If you can't sleep, don't stay. I've been on the sofa many times as a result of my DPs snoring, and the roles have certainly been reversed lol YABU

Being woken up repeatedly isn’t nice, what did you want him to do that night, lie awake, move downstairs himself?
I’d have just discussed it in the morning, there are plenty things to try - him for the snoring and you’ll need some ear plugs.

I wouldn’t like being spoken to like that though, it sounds nasty, no need for that. That’s more the issue for me.

There is plenty you can do about snoring from therapies to surgery to wearing a CPAP.

You repeatedly woke him up to tell him to stop doing something that he has no control over, then suggested he sleep on his own sofa so that you can sleep in his bed in his house. And you think he is being unreasonable?

End it now. He'll get a lucky escape.

Go home. Stop waking him up. You're the selfish one.

I'd end a relationship with someone who woke me multiple times during the night to complain when they could simply have gone home. After the second time they would have been told to get out of my house.

It seems different if it is man doing it? Why? I have no idea but not surprising

She didn't have to be so rude and nasty.

Um, what? You have that completely the opposite way around. He was the one who was being so rude and nasty, even swearing at her. Nothing excuses that.

Don't think the GP is open at 3am 🤣

She called him and asshole first, and tried to kick him out his own bed 🤣

You've woken him up 4 times for something he has no idea he's doing. Of course he's going to be irritable. The sensible thing to do would have been to sleep elsewhere and have a proper discussion about it in the morning.

Yabu to be 'disappointed in his reaction' and I would suggest if you don't like it you have the option to simply not stay over again.

I'll be honest, if someone kept waking me up when I was dead to the world to ask me to stop doing something that I had absolutely no control over, then I'd be fucked off too.

This is a conversation for when you're both awake and not tired, not in the middle of the night.

You want him to see a doctor in the middle of the night ?

I'm sorry but I agree with him. It's his home and his bed. He can't help snoring. If you don't like it, don't sleep there or sleep on the sofa.
I think it's a bit of a cheek that you want him to give up his bed.

You are out of order. I would have told you to F off too if you kept on waking me up during the night.

This.

The relationship has no future.

It's not about snoring.

Each of my long-term partners has snored to one degree or another. I would nudge them or clap my hands to stop them while it's happening, then have a conversation about it. Not once did I ever wake them up to have a go at them. I slept on the sofa a number of times. However, if you have to sleep on the sofa then you may as well go home and sleep in your own bed.

If he still wants you to stay over then he needs to help the situation by looking into the cause of his snoring. In the meantime, earplugs may be your best option if you don't want to go home.

A close family member had horrific sleep apnea and the only indication was an occasional clucking noise in their sleep. A private sleep apnea test showed they were stopping breathing multiple times in the night. I think you should have the test too, the NHS probably won't do it but if you can afford a private test it could be life changing. Their life has been changed by sorting out their sleep, they didn't even know there was a problem because they'd got so accustomed to life in a permanent over tired state.

Is this a joke?

You are being incredibly unreasonable OP and if I were him I would have told you to f* off.