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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Disrespectful boyfriend - what would you do?

103 replies

S0rrywhat · 09/03/2025 01:48

I am staying at my boyfriends house tonight. He has recently adopted a terrible snoring problem every night, previously had no issues over the last 2 and a half years. I woke him up 3 or 4 times to tell him he was snoring and was keeping me awake. His response was irritation that I had woken him up, suggested I sleep downstairs. When I suggested that maybe he should be the one to do that, he told me this was his house and his bedroom and if I didn't like it I shouldn't stay again. I suggested he should stop being an a total asshole and was being selfish as he was keeping me up, to which I was then told to fuck off and stop waking him up! To say I'm astounded is an understatement...what would you do here?!

OP posts:
DonnaSueWeloveyou · 09/03/2025 09:56

S0rrywhat · 09/03/2025 01:48

I am staying at my boyfriends house tonight. He has recently adopted a terrible snoring problem every night, previously had no issues over the last 2 and a half years. I woke him up 3 or 4 times to tell him he was snoring and was keeping me awake. His response was irritation that I had woken him up, suggested I sleep downstairs. When I suggested that maybe he should be the one to do that, he told me this was his house and his bedroom and if I didn't like it I shouldn't stay again. I suggested he should stop being an a total asshole and was being selfish as he was keeping me up, to which I was then told to fuck off and stop waking him up! To say I'm astounded is an understatement...what would you do here?!

Dump him.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 09/03/2025 09:57

He refuses to seek medical treatment and wants you out of his house.

Enjoy being single and getting full nights of sleep. I would have been out of there on night number one.

WillIEverBeOk · 09/03/2025 09:58

S0rrywhat · 09/03/2025 09:41

We had been in bed for about 30 minutes, it's not like I continually woke him over the entire night. This is not the first conversation we've had about it, he is more than aware and many day time conversations have happened. I recorded a video one night and showed him the next day. He was horrified and agreed it sounds shocking. He refuses to go to a GP for it. I also didn't demand that he vacate his own bed, but as a reply to his suggesting I should. It's not so much about his inability to control snoring that bothers me, more being spoken to like that and told to fuck off when a guest in someone's home. I'm glad we are normalising this kind of communication with our partners.

Getting up at 2am to drive an hour home would only cause more of a drama!

Edited

Then if he refuses to see a GP about, he has no concern for your comfort and I would leave him. Seriously he's not worth it. If he won't do anything to help himself (and by extension, you) and isn't taking this seriously, he's a write off. End it, and be glad you did so before you moved in and got to enmeshed. You aren't compatible. That's it.

Marshbird · 09/03/2025 10:03

Seen drip feed…

WillIEverBeOk · 09/03/2025 10:05

TheSassyTraybake · 09/03/2025 09:47

I’m sorry but reverse the genders here and I think mumsnet replies would be outraged, recording without permission etc.

Do the man a favour and end this. Let him sleep.

Show quote history

I don't think so. Women are often encouraged to record verbally abusive partners/husbands for proof. It's pretty standard advice on here, so 'recording without permission' is not something mumsnet has an issue with. Recording your partner snoring so they can hear it is standard advice too.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/03/2025 10:06

You say it’s been happening a lot lately. So, why sleep there if it annoys you so much?

In future (if there is one) use noise cancelling headphones.

MissJoGrant · 09/03/2025 10:07

Your bf should seek help with his snoring (but not in the middle of the night).

In the meantime, you should get ear plugs.

gillefc82 · 09/03/2025 10:38

@HouseFullOfChaos thanks for your post. Funnily enough my DH has said in the past he is worried I might have sleep apnea as he says sometimes it seems like I will stop breathing for a worrying amount of time and then suddenly take a breath. I will definitely follow up on this. Thankfully I have pretty comprehensive private medical insurance through my job so will explore if I can arrange the test through that. Thanks again.

Imbusytodaysorry · 09/03/2025 10:45

S0rrywhat · 09/03/2025 09:41

We had been in bed for about 30 minutes, it's not like I continually woke him over the entire night. This is not the first conversation we've had about it, he is more than aware and many day time conversations have happened. I recorded a video one night and showed him the next day. He was horrified and agreed it sounds shocking. He refuses to go to a GP for it. I also didn't demand that he vacate his own bed, but as a reply to his suggesting I should. It's not so much about his inability to control snoring that bothers me, more being spoken to like that and told to fuck off when a guest in someone's home. I'm glad we are normalising this kind of communication with our partners.

Getting up at 2am to drive an hour home would only cause more of a drama!

Edited

Why would driving home have caused more of a drama?
Get up go home and have got a decent sleep and waken when your body was ready .

MissMoneyFairy · 09/03/2025 10:50

Why stay there if you know he snores, he's not seeking medical help, he's rude and irritable and you don't sound very sympathetic, it's his house, I'd not bother staying again.

CharityShopMensGlasses · 09/03/2025 10:51

If you want to stay and you know he snores how about sleep headphones? What he did wasn't great but No one's at their best self being woken up from deep sleep.

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/03/2025 11:06

A decent host would offer the guest to bed and go down to the sofa.

He's a nasty loser. Why are you involved with him?

TwistedWonder · 09/03/2025 11:07

It’s pretty unreasonable to keep waking someone else up to tell them to stop doing something that they can’t help in-the middle of the night.

Its like you were spoiling for an argument and then causing drama when you got a reaction.

Yea its shit when you can’t sleep but I’d have just gone downstairs and discussed it in the
morning.

Yea he was rude but I think I’d be rude if I got woken up in the middle of the night

arethereanyleftatall · 09/03/2025 11:10

You don't need our permission to dump him op.

If this isn't for you, you have two options

  1. End the relationship completely
  2. Carry as as bf and gf with no sleepovers
rubberduck68 · 09/03/2025 11:10

I don’t think I’d want to be lectured in the middle of the night in my own bed, but a friend of mine handled this brilliantly. Her BF is long distance and refused to fix his snoring problem, so she put a stop to his visits on the weekends making it clear why, and after three weeks of her saying no to visits/without any sex, he showed up with one of those mouth guard things that works. You can be quite friendly about it. He’ll get the message!!

Cucy · 09/03/2025 11:21

This is not the first conversation we've had about it, he is more than aware and many day time conversations have happened. I recorded a video one night and showed him the next day.

Why do you continue to sleep over when you know you’ll get no sleep and be upset about it?

Seriously OP raise your bar and sleep in your own bed.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/03/2025 12:00

Have a chat in the daytime, is he happy to investigate ways to stop snoring? If not then don't stay at his place - he can come to you and then go home after sex to sleep at his house

happytobee · 09/03/2025 12:03

You’ll be lucky if he invites you back to his house Hmm

CrownOfEagleFeathers · 09/03/2025 12:30

I get it's annoying, but I would also tell someone to fuck off if they woke me up that many times. Half asleep people are rarely reasonable.

You do have my sympathy though because listening to snoring is hellish.

muffinmclay45 · 09/03/2025 12:41

Nobody is going to be their best selves after being woken up several times op. I don't think anyone is advocating verbal abuse here but this situation isn't really a case of that is it? Come on now.

Just don't stay over unless he agrees to get medical help or sleep in another room. You are the one making a drama. Lots of people snore.

BansheeOfTheSouth · 09/03/2025 13:37

How did you wake him 3 or 4 times when you'd only been in bed 30 minutes @S0rrywhat ?

Just end the relationship. He snores. You don't like it. Stop dating solves the problem instead of being abusive.

Growlybear83 · 09/03/2025 13:37

Sorry but if you were staying at your boyfriend's house I don't see how his behaviour was wrong. If someone was staying with me, in my bed in my house, and kept waking me up, I would tell them to fuck off too.

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/03/2025 17:04

Wow, so many people have incredibly low and uncouth standards.

Bottom line is that she was a guest in his house.

If a guest is uncomfortable, you don't tell them to fuck off no matter how tired you are. You get up and fix the problem. In this case it would mean him going to sleep on the sofa.

If that's too much trouble, don't host. Don't shag someone and then treat them like a pesky interloper.

MarkingBad · 09/03/2025 17:19

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/03/2025 17:04

Wow, so many people have incredibly low and uncouth standards.

Bottom line is that she was a guest in his house.

If a guest is uncomfortable, you don't tell them to fuck off no matter how tired you are. You get up and fix the problem. In this case it would mean him going to sleep on the sofa.

If that's too much trouble, don't host. Don't shag someone and then treat them like a pesky interloper.

Waking someone up repeatedly and having a bit of a row is not high standards.

There are high standards and there are unreasonable expectations.

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/03/2025 17:24

@MarkingBad

If he'd been a decent host & gone to the sofa the first time, he would not have repeatedly been awakened.