Dress shamed on dates

[rubberduck68]

I am mid-fifties and OLD. I have been on the receiving end of a comments about how I dress, all implying that I am not dressed up enough. I like jeans, and trousers. I wear good quality ones, on trend (or so my daughter tells me!), good tops, nice jackets, I'm a trainers and Chelsea Boots fan, don't do heels. Own one smart black dress, wore it for a funeral two years ago, and have a couple of summer ones that I pull out when it's scorching. Last night went to Bills for dinner. Bills is low-key, it's a chain, we ate burgers, I wore good jeans, a vintage Bella Freud jumper, some boots, hair and make-up effort was applied. He said, "I thought we'd be dressing up." This has happened to me a fair bit since OLD, never happened when I was younger and dressed the same. Is it just men of this age who expect women to show up in high heels and skirts/dresses? We had a polite debate about it, and he asked me what I'd wear if he took me (I know, I know) to a wedding, and I replied that the last wedding I went to I wore a fitted waistcoat with nothing underneath, wide legged linen trousers, and lots of cool jewellery and got loads of compliments. He pulled a face. A face!! Anyone else dress shamed on dates? Is it their age? Am I out of touch with what to wear on dates? Brutal honesty welcome!

Sorry, I am not sure what you are saying to me. I was replying to the poster who said that he grandparents who are in their 60s are very conservative dressers. I pointed out that it is a personality thing not an age thing and many in their 60s, especially those who grew up in the 70s and 80s, do not dress that way.

Sorry if I have misunderstood something here!

It could be something like this, these men have no idea about fashion but feel 'entitled' to someone who looks like she's displaying all her assets for him. In a burger bar.

Incredible to think you've met three of them with no manners.

If he's critical on a first date it saves you wasting time on a second.
Wear what you want.

To be fair, I think men of a certain age (I'm coming up to 60 and dated online from 50 to mid fifties until I met my now DH) think they have the god given right to pass judgement on everything. I had been on a few dates with a guy who after picking me up from my house for date 4 or 5, confided that he'd expected me to live in something smaller. It was a 4 bed detached on an estate, so not some 6 bed mansion and he already knew I was selling after my partner had died, but felt compelled to let me know. Weirdo!

I actually do like to dress up when I go out, I enjoy the ritual of getting ready and like wearing dresses and skirts but also may decided on jeans and a blazer and I would be very at any less than complimentary comments. I go by the mantra that if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing. Given the amount of scruffballs who turned up having made a minimal effort, there was a lot that could have been said that wasn't!!

It doesn’t seem to matter what you wear. I always wear dresses and trainers and I have still had comments about being overdressed and underdressed.

Its plain rude I’ve had men turn up wearing all sorts and never been ill mannered enough to criticise their outfits despite actually having more grounds to do so then they have

Men, or some men, especially as they get older, often have fixed ideas about how a woman should look 'sexy', for their benefit and that includes clothes, shoes and make up. A discerning man will look beyond superficiality. It sounds to me as though you are quite smart and trendy - and you are far from 'old'. He doesn't sound like a man of discernment to me, and not much intellect to boot. You can do better.

I hear you re.them, but I think you can be all of those things without wearing a dress or skirt, but maybe a lot of men don't, well clearly some of them don't!

Yes overall the date was not good, talked at me all night (this happens so often I've just come to expect it and am surprised when they don't, how do these men ever, ever get anything to stick?)

I’m nearly 60 and when I was doing OLD the sheer number of men my age saying they want a women to dress sexy, wear heels, lingerie etc on a first date

I saw a guy who on his profile said ‘if you wear Bridget jones knickers swipe left’

There's always big clues as to why these princes are single

An ex of mine had a crush on Diane Keaton, and I think she optimises the kind of dressed down stylish but sexy look. He was a rare beast though, and moved abroad taking his very good taste with him!

Fucking hell. A kind of "woman tax" paying for all that stuff.

Begs the obvious question - what was he wearing ? How much effort do you fee he put into his outfit ?

It's his fantasies that are his problem and this stuff is very common in OLD. Men don't seem to think much about their appearance but expect the woman to reflect their porn ideals.

Bin him

You don't hate to break it to anyone. @Katiesaidthat . If men are visual, how come most of them can't see how unappealing they dress.

@rubberduck68 , I've had those sort of comments too. From men who'd look shit in saville row outfits. Like hell am i going to go to a chain restaurant in something slinky and sexy.

What were these dates of yours wearing?

I used to do OLD and bloody hell there's some dreadful men out there! As I have said before on here, treat it like a hobby and don't be afraid to cut the date short if he's awful. There are nice men too, you just have to do enough dates. I love the sound of your style OP, it's them not you.

I’ve had male friends comment on how I dress with one saying I should dress in a sexier fashion. He got short shrift. Another asked me why I didn’t wear tight t-shirts. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t but it really isn’t any of his business. I was in my 30s for the first one, 50s for the second. I’m sure there have been other comments over the years. My female friends, on the other hand, tell me I am a stylish and elegant dresser.

Ha ha ha so true, selective visual skills!!

Agree. I get loads of compliments from women about my style but not many from men probably because I like slightly quirky outfits and trainers rather than having it all on show

It seems an excellent sorting technique to get rid of duffers to me - don't change yourself. I'm always overdressed because that's how I like it, if you can't be yourself by your middle years, where does the madness end?

That whistling noise is you having dodged a bullet, OP. I bet they're the sort of men who'd have made comments about being "overdone" or somesuch if you'd rocked up in a frock and heels.

There's no point in dressing as someone you're not. The right person will like you just as you are.

OMG, he said what? Didn't bother Daniel Cleaver, did it?!! What a moron.

Wear can I buy these bridget jones knickers please?

Just an opinion from a mid 50's bloke. Wear whatever you feel comfortable in and you like to wear, he should take you as he finds you and I certainly wouldn't expect any woman to dress in any particular way!

Argh, it's so rude. I mean, even if. you turned up at a wedding dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, I'd expect the person to decide you aren't the kind of person they want to date, not comment!

As for Bills. I have spent a lot of time in various Bills' over the last few years because it is DD's favourite restaurant. I can categorically say that anyone who turns up in a silk dress and heels would look like an absolute idiot!

I'm just wondering how you pulled off a fitted waistcoat with nothing underneath?! 🤔 also no offence but I really dislike linen trousers unless in a hot destination. They are quite casual.