Are British girls open to dating Indian guys ?

[ThatFlakyOliveReader]

I am an Indian research scholar in Math/Theoretical Physics living in the UK. So far, I have managed to make some acquaintances with some of the British guys and girls ,and some solid EU friends. I have noticed that it's a little hard to cross the boundary from acquaintance to actual close friend with the Brits, but they are lovely, so I'm hoping to cross that boundary soon. With EU people, sometimes it's easier because of the living out of-country status, cooking from scratch, and food-sharing culture.I can also speak French and am fairly knowledgeable about EU history, geography, and literature.
To be fair, India is quite diverse, and I am normally a little different from many Indians. I can cook several classic British dishes, like the classic Sunday roast, Cauliflower Cheese, Pigs in blankets, Lamb Cutlets, Christmas Pudding, and a lot of other cakes and bread. I can cook most Indian food , and a lot of French and Italian food as well.
I love classic British literature and poetry. The fact that many younger people aren't very interested in reading literature (or classics) is among the most startling things I've observed. Back in India, I thought that people would be far more into British literature. I do write some on my own as well.
I am often less religious and don't follow religious dietary restrictions. Additionally, my upbringing was also very liberal and had none of the Indian conservativeness.
I was wondering whether British girls like such guys(I know it's a lot less information), What are the dating/courtship rules? or on a date, who pays for the date? ( I have always seen this to be tricky with different nationalities.)
I appreciate your time if you have read this all. I will be grateful for your input.

Are you interested in white British girls or British girls born here with Indian heritage?

It’s like anything I think, you just happen upon someone who has something in common that you can both chat about and it moves from there eg food music books etc. personally I think it’s all luck of the draw!!!

You definitely can find someone who has a lot in common with you, food, literature etc.
As for paying on a date I think it's generally the person who proposes the date but a lot of women will want to go halves even if you ask them out.

Lol yes some of us like such guys (I'm a British woman married to an Indian guy that I met here in the UK! )
I don't think you will be short of dating prospects among British women :) it's probably just a case of getting out there and being yourself! You sound good fun and interesting, and let's face it we all like a guy who can cook.
I think one thing to mention since we are on an anonymous forum... And this is a bit of a hard topic so sorry to lower the mood here... are you dating for fun or potentially for marriage? My husband and I had a very happy dating phase but marriage has been really, really hard due to cultural differences. The pressure that my MIL has put on my marriage is immense - she lives with us several months of the year and it's really hard, she is quite controlling and dramatic, and my liberal, chilled DH undergoes a total personality change when she is with us. DH and his inlaws were honestly so cool before marriage and then everything changed, things I'd pre agreed went out of the window.... I could write a novel on this. We are still married (just 😅) and have a lovely child. I still enjoy his Indian cooking and celebrating all the Hindu festivals so it ain't all bad.
I think there may be British women out there who are dating with a view to marriage who could be nervous about dating someone from a culture where there may be heavy involvement from in-laws or expectations that inlaws will reside with them/be financially supported by them. I'm not saying one culture is superior to the other, not at all, but I think if you want to date British women you should examine your own heart and your own intentions and be really honest from the get-go about family expectations if things look like they might be getting serious. Really do the emotional work to think about what kind of family set up you want and be sure to communicate!
Wishing you all the best!

I wouldn't worry about nationalities, just find someone you like, and who likes you.

But you have reminded me of something and made me smile. As a twenty something, fairly innocent woman, (in the 80s), I wasn't, because:

I am an atheist and I think Indians tend to be more religious
I'd heard horrendous stories about Indian MILs
I liked living in the UK
I wanted my children to grow up in the UK
I thought it meant I would have to learn another language, and I'm rubbish at languages.

One of my closest friends from college invited me over for lunch in our final year. He was Sikh and from the Punjab. I thought it was just as college mates but he was introducing me to his mother, who had cooked a vast table full of food.

It only dawned on me when I got there and his whole family was in attendance.
I was horrified and made my excuses as soon as politely possible.

Thank goodness the UK is a much more cosmopolitan society today.

So, this is obviously a generalization and I don’t want you to imagine this will apply to every British girl you meet. But one reason young women from societies that are more liberal about sex and relationships may be wary about dating men from societies that are more conservative about sex and relationships is they are worried about being treated as a starter girlfriend or a girlfriend who would never ever be considered as suitable for a wife or life partner. It can feel very insulting or devaluing to have a man presume you will be more open to a sexual relationship with less commitment than a woman from his own culture.
Now this obviously does not mean that either happy respectful relationships/marriages or mutually satisfying casual relationships do not happen between women from societies who are more liberal about sex and relationships and men from societies that are more conservative. But it may be a barrier you have to consider when meeting or getting to know British women.

Like everywhere, it depends on the person. The more diverse a place you live, the more people will be used to making friends with anyone, from anywhere.
Honestly, I think British culture is quite stand offish and socially cautious for all people, even British nationals - people take a long time to cross barriers from colleagues/class mates etc to actual friends.

So at this meal, did he tell you that he was introducing you as a wife-to-be once you were there?

No, he seemed to think because we had been friends (and only friends!) for the three years of study, it was a reasonable thing to expect.

I was never particularly quick on the uptake when it came to relationships and this was totally outside my experience.

I’m middle aged but I know at least two middle aged white UK women with Indian men. Their children are beautiful. They seem extremely happy. You sound lovely, go forth and find your true love.

I have 2 exes from different continents so theoretically I would!

My general thoughts are:

I think the man generally still offers to pay for the first date but it's 50/50 contributions afterwards (or take turns)

I wouldn't expect anyone to cook British food to suit me as I eat everything. One of the bonuses in having non-british boyfriends was the sourcing and cooking of new (to me) foods.

The only culture clashes I can remember are having to explain sunburn and one ex's horror that I dried my underwear on the radiators and someone might see it!!

Universities are very multi cultural and have loads of social clubs etc that you should get involved with plus you'll get to know people in your department. Why not invite them over for dinner if you're a good cook? I know lots of Indian/British couples- the weddings are great!

Crikey. But he did confirm that was his expectation then?

I know Indian families are welcoming (my mum would still feed 800 courses to her worst enemy 😂) but that’s a lot to digest!! Pardon the sort of pun.

I think on the whole, white British girls are less likely to date Asian men (any Asian). I'm not saying it's right. It clearly isn't. But there are cultural stereotypes as well as outright racism that would get in the way of it.

I've heard girls make comments like 'I'm not attracted to Indian / Chinese men.' Which is daft. Because no one is asking them to be attracted to any specific nationality in general, just to individuals.

Having said that, I think the UK is a less racist place than the US. And if you cook well, that's always a huge bonus. If I was 20 again and a bloke of any ethnicity cooked me a gorgeous meal I'd probably have married him on the spot.

In general, I don't see British women rejecting Indians out of racism. The first couple I think of when I saw this thread was a British Asian boss I had years ago with a white British wife. They have adult children now. There are many mixed race couples like them. But to date someone, you have to consider them as sexually attractive. There aren't many Asian leading men on screen, and I can't think of any considered to be attractive.

There's also a cultural gap. You will more likely see a British woman with a British Asian than someone foreign. I'm foreign and I found there's a cultural gap between me and British. To form a relationship, in addition to attaction, you'll also have to have similar goals and outlooks in life. Do you find it easier to relate to people from your home country or do you find it easier to make friends here?

Yes, when he came back to digs that evening. He wouldn't believe I 'hadn't noticed'. But being in the run-up to my finals, finding a husband couldn't have been further from my mind. It had never once occurred to me. 😁

I couldn't fault his mum's hospitality though. The poor lady must have cooked for hours.

My best friend at school was Indian, but her own mother put her off Indian men because she said that you end up marrying the whole family as they are so involved in your life.

I think a lot of non-Indian women would be put off by the reputation of Indian mother in laws.

No.

Or yes.

My DH is Indian and I know lots of mixed marriages. It is very common.

For the record, my MIL - now sadly no longer with us - was bloody wonderful, and not at all like the stereotypes.

OP, I think you just have to find someone that you "click with". There may be some cultural differences that make it harder to get to know people, but ultimately, people are just people and cultural barriers can always be surmounted.

Focus on building friendships first, without any expectation of them leading to anything more. When you meet the right person, it will happen naturally!

I agree .
It’s the fact a lot of the time white women are not taken / accepted as a suitable wife and as less a person .
The Indian way of doing things over rules what the wife would like for her child or her life .

It’s read about alot on here . Then even the extreme cases where the kids are lost abroad to foreign partners .
British white women I’d say are more independent and wouldn’t put up with a lot that is put on Indian women .

Being attracted to someone and enjoying all the same things still wouldn’t tempt me to get involved in a relationship with such cultural differences

My DH is Indian, but I’m not British. However, before we met, he did go on dates with British girls. I think they usually met at activities organised through things like MeetUp, so maybe you could try that. None of these relationships got very serious though, and I think part of it was due to cultural differences. That’s not to say it’s impossible to meet someone you get on with. One of his Indian friends is happily married to a British lady and they have four children.

One of my colleagues is Indian and married to an English girl, so it's fairly normal I think, especially in more educated circles.

My only advice is probably avoid online dating, particularly if you are little shorter in stature. Stick to trying to make things happen organically.

I suspect your difficulty making friends with British people is because you're a research scholar. There is the presumption you'll be moving away in the next few years, so it's not worth investing time and effort.

You'll need to communicate your intention of casual dating/long term/marriage quite clearly. Especially as there are quite a few people in academia with absolutely no intention to commit to a location, or a relationship.

Also, you come across as quite...not transactional, but appearances-focused (as in Keeping Up Appearances, not what you look like). You describe yourself like you've been to finishing school and ticked the boxes of cooking, being well-read, and a foreign language! What about your own values and personality?

Finally, I expect Indian liberal isn't quite the same as UK/northern European liberal for women...

(I've dated British Asian/Indian people, but not Indian beyond a casual level, for reasons above.)

I am answering your comments ....
Chuchoter: British or European girls , not Indian girls * *
Olinguita,Meadowfinch,Sharktoothgirl,IMustDoMoreExercise ,Imbusytodaysorry: I've discovered that India and its history with the UK are frequently left out of British history textbooks. India is an extremely diverse country, with distinct cultures, religions, languages, cuisines, and other aspects of life in the east, west, north, and south. It is equivalent to the EU. Although they are British, French, Dutch, or German, the people are white. In general, we in Kolkata, the capital of British India, are less religious than those in other parts of the country. One of the reasons Kolkata is known as the cultural capital of India is because of the completely distinct culture there compared to the rest of the country. Nearly all Indian economists, scientists, writers, and artists hail from this little area. Regretfully, once the UK left India, the area fell to communism.
The only Indians you saw in the EU during the Raj were those from Kolkata. However, the Marxists stole passports and held people as hostages for forty years. As a result, the businesses departed, and other regions of India began to reap the rewards. During the World Wars, North Indians and Punjabis served as mercenaries. People from Bangladesh and southern India also made cultural migrations to the west during this period, which lasted from 1960 to 1970. However, those locations and their inhabitants were never culturally diverse, and they fostered religious intolerance and stereotyped Indianism. We put an end to the North Indians' custom of burning women alive. Thus, we are frequently disliked by both North and South Indians, even within India.
II know since I've lived in both places. We also don't usually consume as much spicy food as the rest of India; in fact, I've discovered that Indian food in the UK is excessively spicy and greasy, which is adverse.My parents are cool; as long as I pursue my academic objective of becoming a scientist, they don't care who I marry. Both of them have solid occupations and a good education. Since I eat meat, I don't care for conservatives, and Indians are frequently religious, I can't relate to them here.As long as we are both headed in the same direction, I have no problem marrying a girl from the UK or the EU. Academic careers are frequently challenging.
Additionally, I am living independently after the age of 18, unlike other Indians. I have learnt how to cook, clean, sew, plant, and fix household items.
I can speak English well for ages, and I don't even have a typical Indian accent.
So far, I've seen that British females and guys my age aren't typically interested in eating. Meal bargains from Tesco; anything from McDonald's or Greggs would do. However, European Union men and women, particularly those from France and Italy, have a passion for cooking. When they visited my house last Sunday, we spent the entire day hanging out and making homemade chicken fricasse and lasagna. From what I've observed thus far, British folks tend to decline home invitations and food offerings.

I think there is quite a big personality difference at play judging from your post. Maybe it's cultural, I don't know. But either way that's your issue.

People want to have fun here, it's not an IQ based marriage exam. Lighten up.