Are British girls open to dating Indian guys ?

[ThatFlakyOliveReader]

I am an Indian research scholar in Math/Theoretical Physics living in the UK. So far, I have managed to make some acquaintances with some of the British guys and girls ,and some solid EU friends. I have noticed that it's a little hard to cross the boundary from acquaintance to actual close friend with the Brits, but they are lovely, so I'm hoping to cross that boundary soon. With EU people, sometimes it's easier because of the living out of-country status, cooking from scratch, and food-sharing culture.I can also speak French and am fairly knowledgeable about EU history, geography, and literature.
To be fair, India is quite diverse, and I am normally a little different from many Indians. I can cook several classic British dishes, like the classic Sunday roast, Cauliflower Cheese, Pigs in blankets, Lamb Cutlets, Christmas Pudding, and a lot of other cakes and bread. I can cook most Indian food , and a lot of French and Italian food as well.
I love classic British literature and poetry. The fact that many younger people aren't very interested in reading literature (or classics) is among the most startling things I've observed. Back in India, I thought that people would be far more into British literature. I do write some on my own as well.
I am often less religious and don't follow religious dietary restrictions. Additionally, my upbringing was also very liberal and had none of the Indian conservativeness.
I was wondering whether British girls like such guys(I know it's a lot less information), What are the dating/courtship rules? or on a date, who pays for the date? ( I have always seen this to be tricky with different nationalities.)
I appreciate your time if you have read this all. I will be grateful for your input.

Do you mind sharing how old you are and what university?

You sound great ! I hope You find a great suitable partner.
I actually love Indian food and there spices .
I too love the social aspect of cooking together and hanging out in the kitchen. .

Was lovely to read your history on Indian .

Really only you can answer how you feel about Britain’s women and if there are too many larger differences to make it work.

What are you happy to compromise on ?
How would you expect your kids to brought up ?

If you monologue about history on your dates, I can see why you're not successful...

Try asking British women. Not girls.

British woman, 33. I have dated an Indian guy before (although he was born and raised in the UK). I wouldn't rule it out again but based on my experience I'd be hesitant. His family were lovely but they made it clear to him that they expected him to marry a woman from his culture/background, which he eventually did! Thankfully there was no heartbreak or anything as our relationship was pretty short lived once I realised he would put his family first. I love Indian culture though and his wedding looked stunning!

My DH is Indian, born and raised in India then moved here, where we met
His heritage wasn't what attracted me to him though

Finding someone you like being around is much more important than where they're from, IMO

Britain is a very diverse place, but you sound very fixed in your idea of what a British (and European) person is. Some people like literature, some don't. Some people like cooking, some don't. If you want to become closer friends with someone, get to know them properly and appreciate them for who they are, not for whether they meet a stereotype in your mind.

OP

The main thing I would say is don't worry about dating for a while, get used to the culture first because it will come as a shock, it always does.

A gorgeous Indian guy is like my ultimate kind of gorgeous tbh.

I would say from your messages, that you sound too much.

If I was dating, I want a laugh, companionship, nice food and lots of lots of sex.

I don't want you to be fluent in French, to be able to cook nut cutlets or to be able to quote literature and poetry at me. I can provide all those things.

What are you actually like as a person? What are you interested in? (Not what you are listing so you look clever and well read - what do you really love?)

There will be British people that share your interests. What about joining a cookery society or reading society at university? Maybe you could go on a date with someone who is studying English literature.

It’s disappointing that as a scholar you refer to adult women as girls 🫠

I think you would be very disappointed with British 'girls'. You should brace yourself and examine your expectations vs reality. Brits don't generally cook - they eat take-away. They like going out for drinks and have fun and watch Tik-Tok. They generally waste a lot of money buying tad. Women here are generally very independent and they do what they want. They won't change for you. If they hear from you or your family that they would have to 'adjust' to you/them, they will brake up with you immediately.
My DH is Asian. It's difficult but not impossible. Previously totally unexpected problems come up when kids arrive and start growing. The attitude to education, the insane competitiveness... it's hard. It's crucial to find balance and stay open-minded. Both sides have to compromise. If you start pushing too much in your direction, you will be alone.
And yes, many, many local women won't go out with you seriously because of prejudice and the lower status of women in the society in your home country.

I can't speak for the Brits as I'm also from another country. But you sound like a smart and interesting person. The main problem is culture - people don't tend to talk about history or food in dating but more about simple things such as holiday destinations, TV shows, gossips etc. You will acquire all of these after living here for a couple of years.

You sound great. I am sure you will meet someone before too long, it takes time. Just be friends for now.

Someone above said
"Honestly, I think British culture is quite stand offish and socially cautious for all people, even British nationals - people take a long time to cross barriers from colleagues/class mates etc to actual friends."

And that is very true. I am British but lived in a Mediterranean country for several years and it was a huge culture shock for me coming back and having to start again.l.

It seems to take about a year for friendships to deepen and get onto a fitting where people will meet up independently if the setting in which they met, and even longer to get onto home visit terms.

As someone else said, British people tend to talk about more frivolous stuff socially and on dates....sports, TV, music etc.
Dates are seen as finding out if you will have fun with the person, rather than more serious discussions to see if you have common ground.

The more serious conversations come a little bit further down the line.

That all being said, you sound lovely, just be yourself and give yourself time to get used to our strange British ways.

This paints a tragic picture of British young women. Takeaway, ticktock, boozing and tat buying. I think OP needs to join university societies etc where hopefully there will be some intelligent women with interests other than the above.

Another thing I would add is that food and cooking often isn't as emphasised in British culture as it is in some Mediterranean and Asian cultures. My Indian DH is a terrific cook but he and his family made it pretty clear to me that my food wasn't up to scratch so I just... don't cook any more..too much of a minefield. there is being passionate about food and then there is shooting people down and being mean about British cooking skills and food preferences 😬 look, I'm a very cultured person, I have a literature degree from an elite uni, am politically aware and well-travelled but I love a Gregg's sausage roll and going out for a pint, and my sense of humour can be pretty juvenile at times. I'm know there are British women who are terrific cooks and who are really into talking about food but...also I am not an outlier, so brace yourself, you may find a woman who ticks all your boxes but is partial to cooking birdseye potato waffles in the toaster and doing other such abominable thingd 😬 I think my husband bitterly resents the fact that I'm not a better cook. Too late for us.... But I am here on the internet as an anonymous stranger to warn you.

Also OP the context you give about the huge cultural diversity in India is a really good one. If I may say so I can imagine inlaws from a very academic Kolkata background (who sound like they have their own interests and probably skew quite progressive) are a very different kettle of fish from families from more conservative or patriarchal-leaning cultures in other states.

I also agree with what previous posters have said about Brits being a bit standoffish and taking time to warm up. Honestly I'm British and even I find it a bit hard-going sometimes which is why a lot of my friends are international. I love the warmth of South Asian culture and I guess that's one of the things that helped me click with my DH right in the beginning.

Cooking and literature are quite solitary interests. Practising them isn’t going to net you many first dates (although if you find some else interested in these things it could lead to a second date).

Have you tried mixed social groups in your location -perhaps a team sport, hiking, an evening class, meet up groups, Facebook social groups etc, if you want to meet people?

Why? It was very interesting and he was explaining the history.

You sound rather intense @ThatFlakyOliveReader
Did you post hoping to get a bunch of PMs?

I hope you are in London 😎

Britain is a funny place. I think foreigners imagine that everyone is really into literature, cooking, classical music, museums etc, as these are fairly normal hobbies in many countries.

Whereas in the UK these are pretty minority hobbies and interests, maybe 10%. I’m yet to meet a straight man or a woman that shares my hobbies, unless it’s someone very ‘posh’ as people like to say.

I’d say you have the best chances within your academic circles, and perhaps attending literary events etc.

I’ll be totally honest, I’ve been in cross culture, cross ethnicity relationships when younger. I’m quite vary now when it comes to people from what I’d consider ‘more conservative’ countries as I worry they may have quite conservative views. I’d be more open to dating someone from a different background if I met them and got to know them organically before any dating.

Having worked with many Indians, I think many British people have the view that Indians are looking for marriage and wouldn’t want to date a non-Indian woman. Thus I feel often women think an Indian man wouldn’t see them as datable.

Oh, and many Russian women think Indian men are to die for! I mean, look at Staz Nair… Whose mum is Russian!

For many people it's not about race, it's about personality and what they find attractive.

I think you just need to be the right fit for something - so for example I love cooking and entertaining and feeding people but would only do that once I was comfortable with people. So you might not immediately get that vibe from me.
I also like a samosa chat or a Greggs veggie sausage roll when I want a savoury snack ! Both have a place and you will find someone who works for you I'm sure

What an absolutely ridiculous post.