Please help me unpick this insulting 'compliment'

[KnackeredOldCatLady]

Have been dating a guy for about three months. We are both in our 50s and I am a couple of years older than him. All is (or rather, was) going well. We met via OLD.

The other day, he said these words to me:
'When I first saw you on our first date, I thought you looked old and that put me off. I then spent our date wondering if I could have a relationship with someone who looks so old. However, now that I have got to know you, I actually think that you look young. Younger than me in fact'.

He actually meant this as a compliment and was surprised that I was upset. Very upset.

And BTW, after our first date, he was very keen to snog me and pin me down for an early second date (asked if he could see me the next day).

So WTF????? Is this a LTB offence?

What did he look like in his? Did he reveal the big belly and the bald patch? Was there "I'm the prize" vibes with his profile words, did he dictate how you should look? Maybe not, but often when you go back there is a sign of what's to come...

So I’d drop him a text to say: “when I saw you on our first date I thought he looks like he could be a bit of an immature and misogynistic wanker, and that put me off. I spent the first date wondering whether I could have a relationship with someone like that. Now that I have got to know you I actually know you are an unpleasant and nasty manchild. More so than I initially thought, in fact. So Goodbye.” Aaaand block.

This one I disagree with - you started this about your weight loss, so if you want the adulation, you will have to take the jeers.

negging can be unconscious op. He said what he was thinking.

time to move on.

Thing is, he might just claim he is making factual comments on your appearance re the bunion and rosacea and 'body that's lost weight', but if that were the case, he would have also made factual comments that are about positive things too. But he hasn't has he? Why not?

And you can be SURE that if this men had previously dated two much younger women, you would be sick of hearing about it by now!

Woman are generally discreet and considerate. I just wish men reciprocated

What?😂

In who's world is that true? It is perfectly normal not to expect jeers from the person you are going out with!

Excellent point!

why in holy hell would anyone "jeer" a person for losing three stone?!

I didn't want adulation. We were just having a general conversation about losing weight and I briefly mentioned my weight loss in passing. I would have been quite happy with an 'oh OK' or no response at all.

You don't need a man
You definitely don't need that one
Get a dog instead that will love you and not insult you

I have just done a quick shag calculation and have definitely never been negged by men who were great in bed, ever! I think there is a direct link between the three month period (where by that stage most of us have found our sexual mojo with a partner, or not) and these insults. He knows he's not giving you a great naked time, so he's starting to put you down?

He's either deliberately negging you, or he feels he's such a prize and you're lucky to be with him; but can't help pointing out all of your "flaws".

I couldn't have (mediocre or otherwise) sex with someone like that.

Dh has a "friend" (selfish inconsiderate tightarse, obnoxious in my opinion).
Has the temerity to criticise women he dates.
He is short, tubby, has a daft semi beard & is greying, going bald. He acts as though he is a George Clooney lookalike. In fact he looks more like a garden gnome in training, just waiting for the pointy hat & fishing pole.
And then he wonders why none of them hang around for long. Ignorant oblivion.

Judging by OP's username, another cat may be more in order 🐈🐈‍⬛

I'm amazed that he gets any dates in the first place!

Definitely!!!!!

That's a spiteful comment! Where did she say she wanted 'adulation'?? She simply mentioned it in passing. That's all! Seems maybe you're insecure yourself about your own weight so are spitefully reading things into it that the OP never said or even hinted at.

And even if she did want 'adulation', nothing deserves jeers or putdowns. Nothing justifies that. Give your head a wobble!

Oh ignore @Hwi he/she can't help being an arsehole...as demonstrated on every thread it posts on

Get him in the bin 🗑️

He’s a misogynistic old cunt.

You'd wonder even more if you met him. He's initially quite pleasant in passing, hence the one night stand frequency (and, I guess, alcohol goggles). However when the true personality appears with sobriety they regain their senses & rapidly disappear.

I've also just done a quick shag calculation and while it's not exactly a scientific study, it seems to have been the least attractive men who have treated me the most badly. Maybe the good looking ones are more secure and don't feel the need to put a woman down.

I think this is best advice than the immediate knee jerk ‘get rid’ comments. Just play it by ear, if it continues going well and he takes on board that he’s upset you then it’s all good.

How patronising can you get? Don't think there is a way forward really.