Should I pay my partner rent?

[isaisa123]

tl;dr: partner owns his property outright and wants me to pay him rent on top of bills etc.

I have recently moved in with my partner of 3 years. He owns his (2 bed) property outright: he bought it with money from a family trust set up for him when he was born. He rents out one bedroom to his friend for £700 / month. We share the other bedroom. He wants me to pay him £350 / month on top of all bills which are split equally three-ways. We also split the cost of any house repairs that need doing.

He says the arrangement will make us both richer -- as I will be paying less than market rent for a similar room.

When we first spoke about finances, before I moved in, he said that the money I saved in rent could be put towards making our lives 'bigger'. When discussing this recently, he said that this was still true, that the money I pay him can go towards his masters course fees for example, and that this will benefit us both long-term.

The amount is small, but I'm not sure how I feel about it in principle. Because he pays no rent or mortgage, I can't see why I should pay him rent. On the other hand I am benefitting hugely - the flat is lovely, we are making a home together, and I am able to save more money than if I were renting on the private market. On the other other hand I am very much sharing his room, and there is not much space in the flat for my things (they are currently in boxes in cupboards / storage)

I also end up doing most of the housework and I worry that if I am giving him money on top of that and on top of bills etc I will become resentful. I'm also not sure what his motivations are for asking me to give him money, since he doesn't really need it.

What do you think?

Oh and he's bought a house thanks to a family trust - he perhaps expects others to pay for him. Yuck.

This isn't a serious relationship, not as far as he's concerned. What are you hoping to develop between you-:a commitment, marriage, children? He's not at that stage in life. He is being very transactional about your connection. Which is fine if you are at the same stage about it.

No £650 for rent and bills on top of that in my previous place.
We have a house Splitwise which we put any food or other purchases onto.
Because they both work in schools and I have 2 days wfh I am home a lot more, and end up doing more food shopping and cooking. My partner is insistent that he wants to live in a house in which we all eat together, so I end up doing much of the planning, shopping and cooking for them both. The cost of food is shared equally.
We also share the cost of repairs -- for example a drain needed replacing the other week and the cost (£160) was split three-ways.

Are you also cooking for the lodger? Does the lodger get their meals as part of their rent or do they pay extra?

Your partner sounds liked a spoilt 'trust fund baby' who has never had to work for money. I wouldn't pay £350 on top of sharing all the bills for the privilege of sharing a room, no storage space for my things and doing all the cooking/housework.

The lodger is paying £700 plus 1/3 bills plus repairs? he expects you to do the same?
He's using you both to live near enough free!!
Wake up OP and walk away, he's a user, do not get any further entangled with this fucker.

Ah OP, you are the maid of two men and he wants you to pay for the privilege.

Well I DO think you should be paying rent, and half what the other person pays seems fair (you get half a room after all!).
It doesn't really matter how he owns it, it is his, not yours.

However... You should absolutely not be doing all the cleaning, or food shopping and cooking!
OR repairs - the homeowner is responsible for that! One of the major downsides of owning a home (the upside being that they can collect rent!)

My partner is insistent that he wants to live in a house in which we all eat together
I missed this; is he starting a cult where you pay for the privilege?
Splitting the drain repair is a piss take; it's his house, he benefits from you paying to maintain a house you don't own.

A TA finishes work at 3.30 (unlike a teacher). He has plenty of time to cook and clean.

A "fair" contribution would be to split your saving of £300 - so £150 to him and you benefit from the other 150 saving. He can hardly rent half his bedroom to anyone else, so this (and one third of the bills) is a gain he wouldn't otherwise have but don't forget the saving is also a gain for you.

I don't think you should pay no "rent". A man would be called a cocklodger for that.

The housework, including cooking, is another matter. That is so unfair! I would say one third each or you will be reducing your 150 contribution down to 100 to reflect the cost of your labour.

You and the other lodger should not contribute towards household repairs. That's a homeowners responsibility and contributions are already wrapped up in your rent. You have no legal interest in the property. It would be different if you were on the deeds but at the moment you would be helping him enhance the value of an asset belonging solely to him.

Having said all that, I would be very wary of this man. Observe carefully how he behaves and reacts to your proposals about rent. He might just have not thought it through. Or he might be one of those men who wants everything split 50/50 (except housework, strangely enough) and will expect you to save so you can pay 50% of everything during your maternity leave etc.

My partner is insistent that he wants to live in a house in which we all eat together, so I end up doing much of the planning, shopping and cooking for them both.

Well you can be "insistent" that you won't skivvy for two lazy men! Honestly what did they do for meals before you moved in?

OP having seen your latest update where you do all the cleaning because they other 2 are filthy fuckers have lower standards than you and you doing most of the planning, shopping cooking meals for all 3 of you because your BF insists you all eat together I’m seriously doubting whether you should stay in this relationship let alone pay for the privilege!

Mm. It's hard. Left to their own devices they mostly eat out or get takeaways

If you’re paying towards rent then any repairs or upkeep shouldn’t be your concern at all. Yours or the other guy, even.

He’s being greedy because it’s easy money for him.

What do you think? I think he’s an evil genius. He’s found a way to shoe horn another housemate into his property who he knows will also act as housekeeper, and who he gets to have sex with.

There is so much wrong with this. He deceived you about the financial set up before you moved in, so he’s a conniving liar. He doesn’t think a clean home is important, you do so you do all the cleaning. Does that mean when you visited him before moving in, you were going to a pigsty? Why would you want to be in a relationship with a man who lives in filth? He wants the housemates to eat together and have only you doing the cooking. So the other guy is enjoying your housekeeping services too. And you’re only up a measly £300pm from this arrangement. Your self respect is worth a lot more than that.

Honestly, you're a mug.He's fucking you over and your still smiling because your need to nest is stronger than your common sense and self worth. I feel bad for you.

I rent out a room to a lodger. She doesn't paid things break. The kettle was grim with limescale so I replaced it. Things like that are not her problem. Broken shower - not her problem. I had to take a day off work and stay in whilst the plumber came over then I laid him to fix it. The tenant didn't contribute.
I use her rent to help me pay bills and keep my house up together. She has no claim on the house.
I would say that if you paid the £350 per month he could save that and use it for repairs. That would be you being very reasonable and kind as you were paying him rent and bills. That is pushing it and most partners wouldn't charge that. To also want you to contribute to maintenance is taking the p*.
If I was you I would use this as a wake up call to get a room in a really cheap shared house and save up as much as possible to get your own place. This man isn't behaving fairly.

Wow! Neither you nor the tenant should be paying towards repairs! This guy really has no idea! If you start paying towards the house then this potentially gives you a claim on the property. Unless he sets you up with a tenancy agreement too.

He should get some legal advice because he's actually putting his asset at risk with his lack of knowledge.

Then they can do that. Just tell them that you opt out of the takeaways as far as Spiltwise is concerned and you will sort your own food.

You might be WFH but your partner is a TA with time to study - he can take 20 mins to do some tuna pasta or something when he gets in.

If you cook, who tidies and loads the dishwasher?

The masters will benefit him, there's no security that it will ever benefit you. Lodgers should not be splitting house repairs, it's meant to be covered by lodging fees. He's got it made here because lodger fees are also tax free. Here's an idea. How about you take a course, and you pay the lodging money into that. And tell him it will benefit you both eventually 🙄

I think it's not much of a stretch to see who will be doing the childcare if you have a child with him.

This seems quite unfair for you although I do think something should be paid towards your housing as if you weren’t with him you would have to pay for a roof over your head anyway. But absolutely not what he’s proposing and you are doing more housework and cooking.
I bought my house (although I have a mortgage) and when my partner moved in, we made it that he would contribute towards repairs and obviously equally for bills but he would put half of his old rental amount in the bank
If we were together forever then this flat and his savings would eventually become our new house
But if things fell through, then he had money to get himself secure
It also meant that he had no ownership of this place if things went badly

it also means he didn’t ever have a lot more disposable income than me which I would find difficult if he wasn’t paying for rent or housing and could buy lots of nice things for himself whilst I was on a more restricted budget

I'm sorry OP but you're an absolute mug for doing this.

Yep - online ordering for a delivery after they get home to put it away is presumably what they did before you moved in, or they went to a shop with extended hours, or they went at the weekend...

Whilst I do think you should pay rent, the fact you are paying for repairs, doing all the cooking and cleaning and housework is taking the piss.
This gives you an indication into what your life would be like if you had children together so I wouldn't be sticking around!