Should I pay my partner rent?

[isaisa123]

tl;dr: partner owns his property outright and wants me to pay him rent on top of bills etc.

I have recently moved in with my partner of 3 years. He owns his (2 bed) property outright: he bought it with money from a family trust set up for him when he was born. He rents out one bedroom to his friend for £700 / month. We share the other bedroom. He wants me to pay him £350 / month on top of all bills which are split equally three-ways. We also split the cost of any house repairs that need doing.

He says the arrangement will make us both richer -- as I will be paying less than market rent for a similar room.

When we first spoke about finances, before I moved in, he said that the money I saved in rent could be put towards making our lives 'bigger'. When discussing this recently, he said that this was still true, that the money I pay him can go towards his masters course fees for example, and that this will benefit us both long-term.

The amount is small, but I'm not sure how I feel about it in principle. Because he pays no rent or mortgage, I can't see why I should pay him rent. On the other hand I am benefitting hugely - the flat is lovely, we are making a home together, and I am able to save more money than if I were renting on the private market. On the other other hand I am very much sharing his room, and there is not much space in the flat for my things (they are currently in boxes in cupboards / storage)

I also end up doing most of the housework and I worry that if I am giving him money on top of that and on top of bills etc I will become resentful. I'm also not sure what his motivations are for asking me to give him money, since he doesn't really need it.

What do you think?

Regardless as to whether you pay rent or not, neither you NOR his friend should be paying towards his property repairs. You don’t charge lodgers for property maintenance, just rent.

His friend is an absolute mug if he’s actually doing that.

No. You will be financing him while he is sitting comfortably. Unless you can stay there till you have enough saved to buy your own house

Completely agree

You saving the money you would pay in rent makes perfect sense. Giving it to him though ..... no.

You should definitely be splitting the bills but the asset is his. If you split up he keeps the house and you have nothing.

Agree to save the £350 a month for your next house purchase together. And then you have it if you need to move out and get somewhere else.

He's a part-time masters student and works full-time as a TA. I would otherwise be renting a room in a house share. I would say if I'm paying him £350 / month on top of bills I will be saving about £300 / month more than if I were living in a house share.

Yes we are planning to have children.

No.
I never paid "partner" or future husband any rent.
I fucking moved country to live here, 20 years ago 😆
Live on your own, I cannot imagine the joy of living unmarried with a man and paying for the privilege.
Just my opinion.

This isn't a cocklodger equivalent as the OP is more than pulling her weight. If she wasn't contributing any money, wasn't doing any housework and just expecting to sponge off her bf because he has access to her golden vagina then it's a different story.

She has a worse deal than the other lodger as she is doing more than her fair share of the housework and has less than half a room to call her own. If she wants to stay living there the money she is saving on rent should be going into her own savings not paying for his current/future studies. If she builds up a savings pot that can be then used in the future for something that will truly benefit them both or provide an escape route.

I suspect if she said she was putting the savings into her own account the bf wouldn't be happy to wait to see some benefit from it.

I would get out and get a houseshare where OP gets a room to herself at least and can save for the future. If he can't appreciate the need for her to build for a future as well as himself he's not partner material.

We also split the cost of any house repairs that need doing

Absolutely not! He does not get to treat you like a tenant when it suits him by charging you rent, and a partner when it comes to household repairs, he can't have it both ways, the entitled little sod. If he wants you to pay rent, ask for a rental agreement that will give you legal protection, otherwise he can throw you out whenever he fancies, and tell him you will not be paying for repairs on top of this. He may try to sell it as because you're paying a low rent, its fair, but you can point out that you're paying a low rent because you're sharing a bedroom with your 'landlord', as well as cleaning up after him and you haven't even got the legal protection a real tenant would have.

Also stop doing the majority of the housework, you're making a rod for your own back. Do your share and that's it. Whilst paying this low rent though, you should really try hard and build up some savings as this man has shown he will always put his own best interests first, and then just pretend its for both of you.

There was a vague agreement that we would put the money I saved in rent into some sort of joint fund for holidays / the future. A month into living together I brought this up, and it was at this point that he said he would like me to pay him £350 (half what his friend pays for the other room) / month in rent on top of all bills etc. I previously lived in a house share and was paying £650 for a room.

I'd be happy to pay £350 rent as both gaining.

He'd have to carry half the load though on housework etc.

I would only pay a third of the bills if 3 people are living there - why are you paying his lodgers share?

I would not be paying for house repairs.

So your costs will have gone up!!!!! £350 for half a room! You're saving nothing and doing more cleaning.

Sadly I can't afford to buy my own place

Neither likes cooking, and both have lower standards for cleanliness I guess. So if I don't tidy up / clean the house becomes a tip. They don't mind that but I do.

OP did the £650 cover the bills? If it did you are getting a raw deal here. Also do you buy food for you and your partner? How is that managed. I wouldn’t be paying him in this case, but then I also wouldn’t be living in a property I have no legal rights to remain in with a partner and a lodger. Just sounds like you have the worst of all worlds. No security, but paying for the privilege of being someone’s girlfriend.

Only pay him the 350 (for half the room) if you DO NOT contribute to house repairs.

1. The house repairs are the landlords responsibility that he has to use some of the rent on
2. If you contribute to home repairs you'd have a financial interest in his property and could get some of this if you split, so not in his best interest either.

You're paying for his masters and living out of boxes. If you separate, he still has a house and you have nothing. I'd have the major ick about this man if I was you.

Because the woman is probably going to a have babies and time
Off work

You'd be better off in a house share. You'd have your own space and only clean up your own shit. Honestly, the need to nest is real. Why would you accept this for yourself? You are going to be the cook and maid for 2 grown arse men. Pay rent. Pay bills. Then he wants you to pay for renovations (which aren't your responsibility). Then also expects the money you "save" from sharing a room with him to go to joint holidays. He thinks you're a mug.

What exactly are you getting out of this? You lose your privacy. You lose your personal space. you havent even got your own storage space. You get to live with 2 guys who live like pigs and clean and tidy up after them. You arent actually saving anything. You think you are saying £300 Pcm but he expects that to be saved for joint holidays. Also when the boiler goes and he'll want your 1/3 to fix.

I think because we haven’t seen a parallel to this. Here OP is sharing a bedroom and will be living out of a suitcase with two men. Pays for bills and repairs and food, and is the free housemaid and cleaner. Partner has no rent or mortgage and they are talking long term, kids etc.
in most posts by women they have their own place but with a mortgage or rent, normally have other dependents living with them, a man moves in who pays nothing towards anything and saves his money off her back, while doing no housework!

You absolutely shouldn't be doing all of the housework - this should be shared between all three of you.

You should be paying some rent, if only notional. Whether he owns the flat outright is irrelevant. You don't want to be whatever the female equivalent of a cock lodger is.

so you are

cleaning up after him and his mate and also paying him £350 for the privilege?

you have nowhere to put any belongings and you are expected to pay half the repairs on a property you don't own

he will use your money to pay for his masters degree

what exactly do you gain out of this other than a bed to sleep in and a lot of extra work?

You're cooking for the lodger as well?!!!

He's taking the piss. And there's a smell of misogyny there too.
My partner lives in my house, she pays half the bills. I'm not her landlord, I don't want to profit from her.

I'd move back out to a house share, cos then at least you can have your own room, and he can be a partner again instead of a landlord.