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Original poster

Should I pay my partner rent?

355 replies

isaisa123 · 02/03/2025 17:28

tl;dr: partner owns his property outright and wants me to pay him rent on top of bills etc.

I have recently moved in with my partner of 3 years. He owns his (2 bed) property outright: he bought it with money from a family trust set up for him when he was born. He rents out one bedroom to his friend for £700 / month. We share the other bedroom. He wants me to pay him £350 / month on top of all bills which are split equally three-ways. We also split the cost of any house repairs that need doing.

He says the arrangement will make us both richer -- as I will be paying less than market rent for a similar room.

When we first spoke about finances, before I moved in, he said that the money I saved in rent could be put towards making our lives 'bigger'. When discussing this recently, he said that this was still true, that the money I pay him can go towards his masters course fees for example, and that this will benefit us both long-term.

The amount is small, but I'm not sure how I feel about it in principle. Because he pays no rent or mortgage, I can't see why I should pay him rent. On the other hand I am benefitting hugely - the flat is lovely, we are making a home together, and I am able to save more money than if I were renting on the private market. On the other other hand I am very much sharing his room, and there is not much space in the flat for my things (they are currently in boxes in cupboards / storage)

I also end up doing most of the housework and I worry that if I am giving him money on top of that and on top of bills etc I will become resentful. I'm also not sure what his motivations are for asking me to give him money, since he doesn't really need it.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Joystir59 · 03/03/2025 06:52

He is profiting from you sleeping in his bed.

reyann · 03/03/2025 06:57

He sounds manipulative.

It seems like he is already in a better financial position than you by owning his property outright, so to expect you to part with money every month that he would not gain from anybody else (he can't rent out half his bedroom) to pay for his masters and twist it into benefitting the both of you?!

I'd expect to help out with bills but nothing more

What is the point of partnership if you are seeking to make financial gain from the other person?

Titasaducksarse · 03/03/2025 07:05

Suggest you'll put that £350 into a separate account to go towards a larger house should you move in the future. You're building your savings....plus an escape fund should he turn out to be as big a knob as he sounds.

Codlingmoths · 03/03/2025 07:15

I’d agree to pay a moderate amount, less than half your previous rent since you only get half a bedroom, and start paying ONCE HE STARTS PULLING HIS FUCKING WEIGHT AROUND THE HOUSE, COOKING AND CLEANING LIKE AN ADULT.

arcticpandas · 03/03/2025 07:15

Wow! I would never charge rent from someone living in my mortgage free house. What I would expect is sharing the bills etc. If he makes you pay 350 then tell him he can use that money to get a cleaner come in since obviously he doesn't want to be bothered by that.

No, seriously I would exit the relationship. If he's tight now just think about having kids with him.. nightmare

jubs15 · 03/03/2025 07:20

£700 a month to rent one room? Jeez, I had no idea renting was this expensive.

AgentJohnson · 03/03/2025 07:27

I think you should pay rent but the circumstance you describe sounds unfair, why would you be contributing to household repairs and stop doing more than your fair share of the housework. His masters doesn’t benefit you, that’s some BS spin to make you think you are investing in something.

Yes you should pay rent but he’s seeing you as a cash cow, this man is house rich but cash poor. If you were foolish enough to move in with him under these circumstances, he would milk you dry under the pretence of a shared future (which I bet good money he would avoid you becoming legally entitled to any of his assets).

The plus point is that now you know the type of person he is with regards to finances and that is someone who talks a good talk but is all about enriching himself.

RB68 · 03/03/2025 07:28

I think if you are paying rent you don't pay repairs - he is the landlord. He cant have it both ways

Also if charging rent you are only responsible for your share of any housework etc. So dont get stuck with that unless you bill them.

I wouldn't say you shouldn't contribute to some costs BUT longer term you need to think about yourself. If married def no pay any rent as what is his is yours etc BUT again contribution to food bills etc.

I am with others though buy your own place and keep - otherwise you will loose out long term. he is treating you like his friend rather than a partner

Bollindger · 03/03/2025 07:30

Just imagine this..
Instead of a lodger, it is a child , the mum gets £850 a month child support from the dad...
She owns the house and a man moves in to live with her.
He pays £150 a month for bills......
Keeps the rest of his pay and has £1300 extra now as he used to rent alone.....

brookebum · 03/03/2025 07:31

Depending on how he defines repairs you may end up having a claim on a part of the house if you contribute to the upkeep.

DP also owns his house outright. I earn much more than him so I pay £500 a month more than him into our joint account which covers all our food and day to day bills.

I save some money separately which is my money and will one day be used for a house deposit, with or without him

He pays for all the house repairs and house upgrades.

I do more housework than him, some of this is my choice. Equally he cooks more of our meals so it balances out enough. He wouldn't get away with doing any less though and will be doing more in the future.

It's not unreasonable you pay towards some upkeep. It is unreasonable how much housework you do and that he wants you to contribute to upkeep as well.

Livelaughlurgy · 03/03/2025 07:34

I personally think the rent between partners is fair. You're still saving by moving in with him. But I think the issue is it was organised after you moved in leaving you in an awkward situation.

You can either push for the £350 in a joint account for holidays or pay him rent and he uses that for his masters. If he's using it to pay for the masters it's rent, don't let him think he's spending it on something for you both, he's not.

If you're paying rent tell him the landlord will be sorting all repairs. I'd also say the housework needs to be fairer.

Finally I'd also be thinking he's charging you the same as his friend, just to be aware. You're not getting any special treatment.

Finally if he's charging you rent the same as the friend that means you have the same "rights" as the friend. So I'd be making sure your bf is sharing the room with you, all the wardrobe and storage space etc, you're paying for it after all. It can't be both ways, a favour and you're paying? That makes no sense.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 03/03/2025 07:38

I don't see a problem with paying rent and bills as you are living in his house, especially as it's cheaper than renting so you will save money. But any money outside of this I'd be saving as a safety net should things go south, and if they don't I'd buy when I could afford it and rent it out.

It also gives you a bit of a safety net, should he want to go halves on repairs - big fat no as you already pay him rent to cover stuff like this

I'd also draw up a cleaning and cooking rota, you need to stop doing the lions share of this, unless of course he wants to reduce your rent in return for this?

But... and it's a big but....

It's all too transactional for me, especially if this is the man you're considering spending your life with, and having dc with. He's obviously very financially astute (nothing wrong with that), but it's always in his favour (wanting to improve YOUR life by improving HIS education), this is not a good foundation.

Codlingmoths · 03/03/2025 07:40

Good point from another poster. Get right on that language of his masters is for ‘us’. Dp you keep saying your masters is for us. If it’s for us I should ahve a say in whether that’s what’s best for us, if they are joint funds they should only go towards jointly agreed costs.if I said I might do a masters so I’ll put the money towards that as it’s for us, then I suspect you’d be annoyed. Cut the bullshit.

Bollindger · 03/03/2025 07:40

Just seen, there is a mirror thread where the OP is female with male moving in. Funny how most on that thread feels he should pay more than half the bills...

aCatCalledFawkes · 03/03/2025 07:43

Two masters and a phd and still doesn’t have a career? Surely that’s a warning sign?
I might be wrong but I don’t believe there is a lot of money in psychotherapy and definetly not in being a TA so regardless of him being mortgage free he’s going to need the extra money to top up his wages.
I would think carefully about this long term and what your lives might look like financially.

Pixilicious1 · 03/03/2025 07:44

IwantToDatePicard · 02/03/2025 17:59

I think rent is fine, everyone pays rent. Repairs however should be paid for by him as the landlord, not split 3 ways with his tenants.

100% this. I’m not sure why everyone thinks all OP should be paying is a share of bills, if the roles were reversed I'm sure there’d be more cocklodger comments!

having said that, I’d definitely be knocking ‘most of the cleaning’ on the head. It needs to be shared equally or you all pay for a cleaner.

daisypetula · 03/03/2025 07:50

He presumably,y pays the buildings insurance, contents insurance, council tax etc, it'll be extra now you live there. The bills will be more and so will the wear and tear. So suggest to him that you pay the amount agreed to include all bills.

Then see what he says, you'll know if he is being reasonable then.

Flossflower · 03/03/2025 07:52

No No No, If you are paying rent you don’t pay for repairs and you have places for all your stuff. You should also be billing him for all the domestic work you carry out. You are not better off. Have some self respect and leave.

LastHeraldMage · 03/03/2025 08:10

winedokument · 02/03/2025 17:55

This guy owns his house outright from a trust, she's paying bills and maintenance. Plus he's got a tenant.

She's not paying diddly squat, she's contributing. Jesus I'd be made up to have been able to keep my partner housed for free!

Show quote history

So she should love rent free?
That's a female cocklodger.

She should pay something, less than market though. She should not be doing more housework, and she should have equal space for things

HardenYourHeart · 03/03/2025 08:36

OP, he is either your partner or your landlord. But he is giving off red flags for both positions. I'd dump him and move out. Maybe not in that order.

GU24Mum · 03/03/2025 08:39

If you've benefited a lot by not paying market rent then I don't think you paying him a lower amount (so you're both up on the arrangement) is bad and a bill split is fair provided the basis of the split itself is fair.

Repairs are 100% for the homeowner though. Or style it out and ask to be a co-owner (even if a lower percentage than 50/50) and then say you'll pay repairs - but not rent. He can't have it both ways.

SnoopysHoose · 03/03/2025 08:47

So he has a masters and a phd and now wants to do another masters?
What age is this man that he cannot choose a career, free house no real pressure to earn esp when he has a lodger and OP funding him; if OP agrees he'll have 2/3 of his bills paid plus £1050pm coming in,I'm sure he loved the idea of her moving in.

Mulledjuice · 03/03/2025 08:49

MounjaroOnMyMind · 02/03/2025 18:51

You're not making a home together, OP. You're living in half of a double bed and sharing a living room with a lodger. You're paying 1/3 of costs and doing all the housework. That's not making a home!

This in spades!!

And you are doing most of the cleaning...

Lotusberry · 03/03/2025 08:54

Is he a student? Just wondered with him renting his other room out. If so this is not uncommon and it is a way of providing an income to support him whilst at Uni. If you would otherwise be renting a house share and renting from him is cheaper you will be making a saving. If this is the case then I think it’s reasonable.

DrunkOnYourAwe · 03/03/2025 08:55

LastHeraldMage · 03/03/2025 08:10

So she should love rent free?
That's a female cocklodger.

She should pay something, less than market though. She should not be doing more housework, and she should have equal space for things

Show quote history

I don't think so. My understanding is that a cocklodger is a cocklodger because they are not contributing towards costs and therefore taking advantage of the partner who is paying for the house. OP is contributing towards all applicable costs - i.e. bills. There aren't any housing costs here, the flat is mortgage free so there's nothing for OP to contribute to there.

It would probably be reasonable for OP to be saving up so that if they eventually bought together she could try and have decent stake in the place. But nothing like that has been mentioned!