Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Please please help me with this

142 replies

Gorgeousfeet · 28/02/2025 16:01

Hi all.

my world feels like it’s been blown up this afternoon. My husband is working abroad . He accidentally called me on WhatsApp and I overheard him being incredibly flirty and quite pervy with another female. I think it was the cleaner in his room. It was for about five minutes and amongst other things I heard him tell her she had a lovely bum and could he feel it. Lots of random noises after that ( I am going not sex ) but maybe kissing afterwards.
He knows I know. He’s denying it.
Is there any way that I can retrieve the WhatsApp conversation on my phone? Does anyone know? Can anyone help me ? Please

I have so so much going on in my life right now and I can’t believe he’s done this.

OP posts:

OriginalUsername2 · 28/02/2025 17:18

Write down everything so you don’t get gaslighted when he gets back.

Sassybooklover · 28/02/2025 17:28

It's highly unlikely that the cleaner entered his room, and that was the conversation. Most housekeepers in hotels, barely have enough time to do their job, in the time allocated to them, let alone find time for sexual behaviour, during their shift. Either this was an escort or it was a colleague, but it sounds as if it was probably pre-arranged. You know what you heard, he can deny it all he likes, but you didn't imagine him asking another woman if he could feel her arse, amongst other things. It's a case of now you know what he gets up to whilst on business trips (this won't be the first time, but one out of numerous), what do you want to do about it? Unfortunately, you do need to see your GP or go to a sexual health clinic, because if he is having sex with other women, you don't know if he's using protection.

Cucy · 28/02/2025 17:30

OriginalUsername2 · 28/02/2025 17:18

Write down everything so you don’t get gaslighted when he gets back.

I agree.

You heard it with your own ears and he’s going to try and pretend it’s all in your head. It’s not.

I’m sorry he has cheated on you and you had to find out this way.

Tell him to find somewhere else to live for now.
You can then spend some time deciding whether cheating is something that you can forgive or not.

Cucy · 28/02/2025 17:31

It definitely wouldn’t have been a random cleaner.

It’s a woman who he obviously knows well and has done this thing before with her and she may or may not be a cleaner.

Notfeelinit · 28/02/2025 17:32

I’m so sorry OP. Agree with others that you can trust what you heard, a replay of the call isn’t possible but you don’t need it.

At least he is in another country and you don’t need to see or speak to him for now. That buys you time.

You’ve had a big shock, try to stay calm and if you can, detach for a bit and do something normal, like prepping dinner, pop the hoover round or have a shower etc

PlanningTowns · 28/02/2025 17:33

To answer your question I don’t believe you can get a copy of the call because they are not recorded. If WhatsApp do that it is a massive GDPR breach.

TheSpryGoose · 28/02/2025 17:38

Are you sure it was his voice?
Also what makes you think it was a cleaner he was talking to?
Perhaps he was watching porn.
It sounds like the plot of porno - maid comes into clean the room, man tells her she has a lovely bum and other flirty comments and then they get it on.
If you’re sure it was his voice - maybe he was indulging in role play with another woman.
i just find it hard to believe he has cracked on to the maid and she has gone for it.

Original poster

Gorgeousfeet · 28/02/2025 18:45

Notfeelinit · 28/02/2025 17:32

I’m so sorry OP. Agree with others that you can trust what you heard, a replay of the call isn’t possible but you don’t need it.

At least he is in another country and you don’t need to see or speak to him for now. That buys you time.

You’ve had a big shock, try to stay calm and if you can, detach for a bit and do something normal, like prepping dinner, pop the hoover round or have a shower etc

I think the worst of it was that i missed the tail end of it.. I was actually in McDonalds waiting for a burger when he rang and my knees just went and I thought I was going to throw up there and then.
I rushed out and had to go under an underpass with people talking around me so I missed the end of what happened/ was said.
I’ve written it all down what I remember. I still can’t believe it. I am trying to self regulate and self soothe.
My MH is already on the floor as it is and I am under the GP and MH team. This I do not need.

I tend to agree it may have been pre planned. He knows her from the breakfast/ dining hall ( so he says ) and she cleans room during the day.

I don’t know what to think to be honest but the reality makes me feel absolutely awful.

OP posts:

OriginalUsername2 · 28/02/2025 19:13

I wonder if it would be a smart idea to contact the hotel to say you believe you overheard your “friend” sexually harassing one of their workers in room _ at _ time.

Middlepiepush · 28/02/2025 19:17

OriginalUsername2 · 28/02/2025 19:13

I wonder if it would be a smart idea to contact the hotel to say you believe you overheard your “friend” sexually harassing one of their workers in room _ at _ time.

Are you insane?

Original poster

Gorgeousfeet · 28/02/2025 23:07

bump

OP posts:

Original poster

Gorgeousfeet · 28/02/2025 23:09

Spoke to him via text only .

He's been on long term work abroad for months. This hotel is a regular hotel they go to once a year.
I honestly don’t know what to think about any of it .
wtf do I do ? Please x

OP posts:

mrsmagooandtheblueshoe · 28/02/2025 23:17

Gorgeousfeet · 28/02/2025 23:09

Spoke to him via text only .

He's been on long term work abroad for months. This hotel is a regular hotel they go to once a year.
I honestly don’t know what to think about any of it .
wtf do I do ? Please x

It sounds like you've got an awful lot on your plate that you've been dealing with and if your husband has been abroad for a long time I'm guessing you haven't had great deal of support from him?
How is your relationship generally? Is he supportive, caring and respectful of you? Has he been good with communication while he has been working away?

Have you only communicated by text for a reason? I would expect a recalcitrant husband to be on the phone calling immediately either justifying what happened (lying) or apologising profusely.

If you take at face value that he is cheating on you, which the phone call strongly suggests -what do you want to happen?
If you divorce how does that leave you finaically?

Original poster

Gorgeousfeet · 01/03/2025 06:54

Thank you for your kind reply. To be fair, his communication has been pretty okay this time.
He has been supportive of my family situation recently but hasn’t gone out of his way so to speak; his work is his priority.
It sounds made up and utterly ridiculous but what I heard I know I heard. My ears were not lying to me. I keep going over and over it in my head- am I being dramatic and silly but it was so pervy in my mind that it felt like I never knew him and I can’t get my head around that.
Have been with him for almost 24 years so I thought I did know him.
He said he didn’t call as he wanted me
to calm down, that was his rationale . Everything we spoke about was via WhatsApp.
I just feel numb and I have so much to deal with and no one to tell about this.
Plus it’s embarrassing. Really embarrassing.

I am in a precarious position financially because I haven’t worked for a couple of years due to severe anxiety. So he is the main breadwinner.
My plan was/ is to get some treatment and grt
my back to work this September. I have caring duties for my elderly parents and my children ( we have two ) still need me to be around- especially with my husband who is away so much.

It feels like my world has blown up and he is not even admitting it. As if I am lying as to what I heard.
If we divorce, it leaves me in a pretty
shit situation and I am not even sure if I am strong enough to do it. I am still also getting over a major operation that I had myself before Christmas.
I am scared .

Thank you for your reply .

OP posts:

Original poster

Gorgeousfeet · 01/03/2025 07:00

TheSpryGoose · 28/02/2025 17:38

Edited

I don’t think he had sex with her . It was literally just under five minutes and initially was just chat - then he started with the flirting , how she had a lovely bum and asked to feel it.
He knows her in terms of that she serves breakfast in the mornings and is in the breakfast room ( according to him) and she was in his room doing something with the pillows on his return.
As I said I was ordering a burger in McDonalds and I heard most of it- not just the end where there was a lot of what sounded like muffled fumbling ( no sex noises) but possibly kissing . That’s where I could kick myself for running out into the street and leaving - had I have stayed where I was I would have heard it all but my knees buckled and I thought I was going to be sick .
How foolish of me to do that.

OP posts:

TagSplashMaverick · 01/03/2025 07:20

I’d try to force his hand by telling him I had recorded it so he needs to stop denying it. See what he says.

Original poster

Gorgeousfeet · 01/03/2025 07:23

TagSplashMaverick · 01/03/2025 07:20

I’d try to force his hand by telling him I had recorded it so he needs to stop denying it. See what he says.

I was thinking this. I have desperately tried to access a way to retrieve the conversation by googling and I can’t .

It is cheating isn’t it? I am now googling how cheating can be subjective and I am losing the plot .

Surely my reaction told me all that I needed to know so why am I doubting it?

OP posts:

ZekeZeke · 01/03/2025 07:28

He is vile for asking about touching her bum.
What more do you need?

Msmoonpie · 01/03/2025 07:50

It doesn’t matter if it’s “cheating” or not according to some random.

It is clearly unacceptable to you. Speak to a solicitor on Monday. If you are looking after the children to enable him to be overseas for work in a lucrative job you should be compensated in the divorce.

Original poster

Gorgeousfeet · 01/03/2025 08:09

Msmoonpie · 01/03/2025 07:50

It doesn’t matter if it’s “cheating” or not according to some random.

Thank you so much.

OP posts:

BananaBubbless · 01/03/2025 08:11

You don’t need proof.

molly2510 · 01/03/2025 08:28

My heart is pounding for you just reading your message. Love regardless of what he's telling you and of course he will deny anything and everything you say. You know what you heard. You need to ring him and tell him. He is properly trying to make up any excuse there is to make you think you're mad. Don't listen to it and be strong!! It's easy to say 'divorce him' 'leave him' . I don't know your situation but you need to tell him that you know. And hopefully you make the right decision. I'm rooting for you love. Stay strong and remember you know what you heard! Xx

MinnieCoops · 01/03/2025 08:30

You've got proof. You heard it.

Original poster

Gorgeousfeet · 01/03/2025 08:33

I know. I did hear it but the fumbling at the end I didn’t, or whatever that was.
I just need to hear it again. For my own sanity really .
Honestly I am beyond heartbroken.
Thank you for all your replies .

OP posts:

crossstitchingnana · 01/03/2025 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread