Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

Don't you think that it's likely that OW is meeting him at arrivals?

I keep asking myself how he’s going to cope with all the deliciously-spiced (aka flavourful) food in Dubai…. I hope he chokes on his beige, tasteless, bland nothing food.

My solicitor told me to talk my half straight away - some accounts cannot be frozen and once its spent it wont be on the Form E.

I waited and trusted him after we separated - a month later logged on and he had already spent half of our savings !! Quickly logged in and took my half - which paid for a deposit for my new home

There's always a chance he is playing the OW along & has no intention of ditching you (not that you should continue living with him.)
Id find it interesting to discover if he actually has the intention de make the jump.
He will at some point want to come to the house to "empty his desk etc"
He may even accuse You of cheating, why else would you want to divorce such a Peach.? Dont take the bait !
Grey Rock responses only: examples:
Hmm
Oh really
Interesting,
Not yet
I'll think about it
suggestions?
No

Honestly, I think I'd be more surprised if he WASN'T stringing the OW along!

WOW - OP, you are an absolute star.

The only thing I can say is that I live in Abu Dhabi, and so could the UK please keep him? We don't need another jerk here. And as someone else pointed out, you can only come here on a work visa, he cannot sponsor a girlfriend, so she either comes on a tourist visa (max 90 days in 180) or gets a job. Jobs are very hard to come by in most fields, the job market is extremely competitive and in many roles there is a Filipino/Indian/Pakistani etc who will do the job at least as well as a Western person and for a fraction of the salary. On costs are significant for employers so temporary/short term jobs are rare.

Absolutely agree with this.

Badmouthing an ex (no matter how justified) and exposing children to raw, unfiltered, adult emotions is clearly really unhealthy for them. But going to the opposite extreme isn't healthy either; the lies we tell and the truths we conceal in our attempts to protect children can actually end up gaslighting them, when what they actually observe and experience is at odds to what they are being told.

ETA - sorry I didn't mean that it sounds like that is what I think you are doing, OP! I bet you will handle it excellently. I was just agreeing with the point made by the PP.

I dont know if this would work but could you remove money from the joint account as cash - say your weekly shop is £80, withdraw £120/130 and start depositing the spare cash in an account that is set up in someone elses name like your grandad/mum/sister etc. Use £80 for shopping and then deposit £50 in account. If you are ever asked why you are withdrawing money you spent it on food shopping/clothing for children and you paid in cash whilst skimming off the top? I know they are small amounts but it all adds up and then when its all over your grandad can transfer to you?

I'm going to move my side of the joint savings just before I drop him a bombshell. There is a considerable amount in there so I've just been waiting for my solicitor to call me back and reassure me (again) that this is absolutely OK for me to do, which it is. I'm relieved because if he stops contributing towards the mortgage and bills I don't want my poor grandfather having to help me there too.

I won't be meeting him at the airport, his flight lands very early am and the girls need to go to school, so normality for them but after 9am that's it.

So well done for getting everything in place before just reacting. You know he’ll try and come back when it goes wrong but i know 100% there is no chance of you letting that happen. Enjoy your freedom!

My first comment, although I've been reading your posts.

My goodness, you've done well getting through this. Your weekend looks like being a stressful one, but hopefully your resilience, plus the great advice you've have from your solicitor, family and MNers will help you get through it in the best way possible.

@Jessa85 just be mindful that the bank may have daily limits that you can withdraw. Check today if you can transfer your share in one go tomorrow. You may need to pre-book a CHAPS payment.

Thank you, I feel in a strong position and I'm ready. I know there might be thoughts of me rushing into it and I've had those thoughts too but this feels right for me. Those divorce papers might get served by email any day so I'm keeping myself ahead and in control.

Based on the messages I've seen between them, he won't try to come back, he seems completely smitten with her and ready to abandon the kids he regrets having but I suppose the next few days will be telling.

I honestly don't think he will make the next payment to the joint account so I'm taking the 50% from the savings to cover the monthly bills. I've done a massive food shop and used up most of the funds available there so I think me and the girls will be good for a while.

Thank you, I've already spoken to the bank and confirmed my limit. Thankfully the daily limit for a transfer to my solo account (same bank) is high enough. I was initially looking at transferring it to the new bank account I've setup with Monzo but the daily limit for bank to bank was a lot lower. He cannot access my solo accounts at all so everything is good there.

She'll be with me from tomorrow

OP, he has financially abused you for years.
This is the basis of you taking from that account.

Take as much as you can.
Experience has shown you he is financially abusive and I believe he would clear it out.

Gather as much proof of the coercive abuse you have endured and examples of his financially controlling you.

I really hope you repirt him and make life very difficult.

I absolutely would be showing his parents the texts and recordings.
I wouldn't protect any of his relationships family or business.

At the very least, from the savings also move what would USUALLY be his share of next month's joint costs and then get your lawyer to do some wording saying you're looking for a smooth transition and have done this in the interests of ensuring all bills can be met in these first few weeks while you're figuring things out? I can easily see a situation where your share of the joitn savings goes on normal bills....

Please remember either of them could look at this thread, particularly if the papers pick it up.

Best of luck for tomorrow @Jessa85

You've been incredibly strong in what must be such a stressful situation.

Do what you need to do OP - he’s clearly been a shit for many years.

You should buy some supermarket vouchers so you'll have some way to buy food if money is short down the road.

A power cut could wipe out your fridge or freezer stash.

Agree.

It would tip him off and give him a chance to catch up before the OP's papers are ready and before her short term finances are secure. And importantly, it would be stalkerish.

Congratulations on being so strong for you and your girls- what a brilliant role model you are being for them! You will have a good life when you get on the other side of this.

Another one here cheering you on. I also don't think you should take the car to the OW. Actually I wouldn't even let on that you know about the OW, as difficult as that will be. Knowledge is power, and you want to keep your cards close to your chest. Be as calm, cool and detached as you possibly can be... Think of all the evidence you have as your secret weapon.

He will go bat-shit furious as soon as he realises he has lost control over you. However detached and not-bothered you think he is, sadly I am absolutely certain he will show unimaginable rage and cruelty once he knows you mean business.

Brace yourself lovely. Get as much real-life support around you as you can. Post here whenever you need, but also never feel you owe us an update or that you have to post.

There's a bright future for you and your girls on the other side of this, that's also for certain