I’ve been reflecting on your next move @Jessa85 and what strikes me is that this entire relationship has been financially skewed—what, 70/30 in his favor? No matter how much you strive for an amicable divorce, when the reality hits that he’s looking at a minimum 50/50 settlement, he’s going to get nasty. So even if you try to keep things civil, or try and play fair, it won’t change the outcome.
It’s unlikely he’ll actually want a divorce—he’ll probably try to drag it out because he knows he’ll be financially worse off. And nothing you do will prevent the inevitable acrimony that will come when he finally realises that, for the first time in your whole marriage, he’ll be forced to actually give you what you’re entitled to. Oh the irony.
There are different ways you could approach this:
Option 1: Keeping the peace (but at what cost?)
He comes home on Saturday, tells you he’s off to Dubai, and you meekly agree that separation is for the best. He “kindly” offers to give you space and goes off to stay “in a hotel,” yada yada. You’ve maintained peace for now, but what have you actually achieved? You’ve been lied to again and accepted it, taking another hit to your self-respect. And ultimately, this won’t change how the divorce plays out. Sure, he might continue underestimating you for a little longer, but the moment he gets legal advice—and realizes you have too—the gloves will come off anyway.
Option 2: Taking the lead (but bracing for impact)
He comes home on Saturday, and his stuff is already packed in the car. He’ll likely kick off, cause a massive scene, and try to enter the house, but ultimately, he’ll drive off to his OW and tell her he chose to leave. That will be incredibly distressing for you, so if you take this route, I’d suggest having someone there for support—maybe your Grandad—so you don’t have to deal with it alone.
Option 3: the drop off
You pack up his stuff and drop it off at his OW’s house. I completely understand why this approach is tempting—it’s the only scenario where you are in total control. Some pp have raised concerns that this might make you look unhinged, but let’s be real: they both know they’ve had an affair, and kicking him out is hardly a shocking reaction from a betrayed wife. And honestly, even if they do think you're 'crazy', who cares? The OW will figure out soon enough what a dud she’s won.
That said, there are a couple of things to consider:
• Some pp have pointed out the risk of him claiming his belongings were stolen, especially the car. I'd time it so that you do the drop when he arrives at her house and hand him the keys directly. You could even have your mum film it as evidence. You don't need to say anything to him.
• Another option: meet him at the airport and play out the car handover there. It’s a public place, so he’s less likely to cause a scene. But logistically, you’d need to be sure you catch him as he gets off the plane and aren't chasing around the airport looking for him!
Knowledge is power—but so is taking back control. You’re absolutely right to seek legal advice, and your safety and mental health should be your top priorities.
Keep going, superstar. You’ve got this.