Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

[Jessa85]

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

• no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
• no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
• no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
• refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
• won't eat fish
• no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
• jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
• hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

Cook what you want. Eat and enjoy with the dc. He sounds worse than a sulky toddler. This is no longer your problem. Good idea to batch cook and freeze or go to Iceland his bland bloody meals.

I saw a comment about him feeling more important than me because he earns more... that's 100% the case, in fact he has said those exact words to my face when I begged him for a lie in one weekend when I was on mat leave with our second child. Despite him earning more than me, I still contribute 50% on all our bills with the exception of holidays.

So he feels more important than you not because he contributes more, just because he earns more? And? Does that mean Elon Musk is more important than him because he earns more?

I mean, obviously not one person is more important than the other but as you contribute financially equally, how does he justify basically using you for your greater contributions of your time and energy?

Why should you do more than him, let alone cooking his ridiculous meals.

I'm so angry on your behalf op!

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking.

How many times must I read this on here. WHY do women live like this in 2025?

Bare minimum going forward: DH is responsible for 50% housework and ALL his own meals: procuring and making thereof. Then you can eat what you like.

I would let him cook his own boring meals, freeze them and tell them you will defrost a meal for him but nothing else. Then cook your wonderful dishes for you and the children. Start with meals you know the kids will prefer and hopefully their enthusiastic will rub off on him!

I think that you need to be start the conversation of how he will cope when you are not around. And then suggest teaching him to cook the meals he likes to eat - maybe when he sees how it is done he might conform to your menu choices.
Do stop treating hi like a spoilt child or you will forever be teated like a doormat.

What have I just read?!
So you both work full time, and despite that you do everything in the house. And he earns more than you but despite that you have to pay 50% of everything.

And your solution to this is batch cooking for him?

Seriously, why do people put up with this shit?

OP, you're the cook, so by and large you decide what everyone is eating. Just cook whatever, if he doesn't like it, he's free to cook his own food.

Don't batch cook for his lazy ass. If he wants that, he can do it himself.

What is wrong with people? Does he have no manners? If someone has cooked for you eat it and you're thankful!

A few suggestions here to batch cook for him, or buy him pre frozen meals, or some other such solution.

I'd suggest you do NOTHING for his meals. Let him sort it out himself.

As he's been so deeply disrespectful, until he changes and apologises for treating you like a servant, do nothing for him.

Cook for you and the kids. Don't serve him anything.

I like the suggestions to only put the % proportional to your salary into the joint account from now on, and TELL him (don't ask) he puts in a higher % proportional to his salary.

TELL him he needs to do 50% of housework and child care.

If he does not, the marriage will end. I'd be telling him that point blank, no discussion, hard as.

Then I'd grey rock as he throws a mantrum and gets all testerical. He'll soon learn he either steps up or you step out.

Oh, yes, cash. Withdraw some cash each time you can, just so you have a little wedge in case anything kicks off. Knowing it was there, even though I didn't have to use it let me take that extra breath I needed sometimes.

Because he earns more, everything is material with this man. He knows it's wrong, he knows he should do more but he doesn't. He's lazy and selfish and unfortunately for him going to have a bit of a shock in the coming weeks.

Also as he must have more spare money left over as the higher earner, whilst you contribute equally, he can afford to buy his own suitable ready meals. Or make toast every night.

If it's any help I was in your same mindset, only instead of working and earning my own money, I was/am disabled due to health conditions. It's since come out, via multiple independant nhs consultants, that my conditions are possibly caused by, but certainly exacerbated by, stress and abuse. Emotional and financial abuse. Be aware that if you stay your physical as well as your mental health could explode. And then what? You would be even more trapped.

Now, after 45 years of marriage, rapidly approaching pension age (with no state pension as he refused to pay my stamps), housebound due to ill health, I finally told him that I could not live another 20 years with his lazy, dirty, selfish ways. He's gone, and we are in the process of selling the house. Despite being very poor and physically struggling I am finally in charge of me, and I am loving the freedom and the peace.

Don't settle

he knows how to cook, he's just damn lazy and I've become his live in housemaid. It's my own fault for pandering to him

He sounds an awful human. I've read all your posts and have noticed the evolution of your inner fire developing against him. Rooting for you 💐

Page 1 me and page 8 me are two different people haha, I'm done with him. He's going to have to show up fast or divorce.

'I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking'

Why? Why do you do all of this? Stop!!

I'm glad you're planning on moving forward OP. The last straw with my XP was when I suggested making a bread and butter pudding one day (we'd gone out for the day, but obviously I was expected to cook when we got back) and he made 'sick' noises, like a seven year old being asked to eat something they didn't like. I hadn't made it even, I'd only suggested making it and his childishness at rejecting my idea was one of the things that made me think 'hm, this man is not for me.'

OP - this food thing is also divisive, so that your husband/you and daughters
move on parallel lines, chug chug chug - but it seems to me and others that
you are about to hit the buffers

once you remove control from him, you have power to make changes

10 years is long enough to be financially/domestically/culinarily subjugated

I really hope you will come back soon with an update! good luck!

Yes, depending on his actions in the coming weeks and my discussions with the solicitors etc... things will be changing around here. I'm being taken advantage of in everyway, enough is enough

Dh has AFRID and it sounds like yours does too
So me and the kids eat and he eats the same as us or makes something separate if he'd prefer
The kids have just been told daddy can't eat xyz but you can so you'll eat with mummy

This is silly OP. You need to cook whatever you and the kids fancy and let him do his own thing. I would even phrase it to the kids daddy doesn’t eat this type of food because he’s fussy but we do because we eat everything and it’s yummy! Poor daddy

Page 1 me and page 8 me are two different people haha, I'm done with him. He's going to have to show up fast or divorce.

Love this op. Seriously well done for taking this on board. So often you get ops simply disappear when they are told that the bottom line is that their husband is an arsehole, I guess because they don't want to/aren't ready to hear that yet.

An update of how it goes would be lovely.

yes exactly! out of HIS money! and batch cook ha ha as if

Thank you for sharing your story, you've found the strength to get out of that marriage, I'm very happy for you. Good luck with the house sale and your new free life!

Thank you for reading and rooting for me. I appreciate everyone that has commented and supported me today.