Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

[Jessa85]

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

• no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
• no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
• no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
• refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
• won't eat fish
• no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
• jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
• hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

That’s a great way of reframing this to say YOU have been ridiculous to pander to him. You can change what you do, and in this case it will certainly change the dynamic between you.

Hi @Jessa85 glad you've decided to make changes. If it helps make notes beforehand so you don't forget anything or lose track. Decide what you want & stick to it.
It's the end of the month, payday? Work out what proportion % is fair according to your earnings & only put that amount in the joint account. It's time he paid a fair amount.

You are not a trad wife. You do everything in the home and with thr kids AND work full time. Just because you earn less does not mean you are worth less.
You have to see & believe your worth before he takes any notice.

He can do his own cooking if he doesn't want what you & the dc have. AND clear up his mess. You are not unpaid staff.
You are not his mother.

Good luck with the chat later.

May I make a suggestion which is solely about food, and doesn't address the wider issues (whilst acknowledging that these exist, and there is some great advice on here)?

My own situation is that DH is on an extreme diet (Carnivore, which is extreme keto). The good news is that he has bought an air fryer (which might be an idea for your H) and cooks his own meals. I wonder if something like HelloFresh might be a helpful transition to your H cooking his own meals, and maybe even trying new things. I am assuming that if he DID cater for himself (and clear up afterwards) life would be easier at least in that respect....

Make what you want for you and the rest of your family and tell him to make his own meals.

That's a ridiculous list of dislikes especially as none are allergy related.

My son is T1 diabetic and eats everything I put in front of him.

I am glad you are getting so much support @Jessa85

Time to shake things up or your DD's are going to end up just like him!!

You have a duty to them to give them a varied and interesting diet.

Why not suggest you take turns cooking he can prepare the "habit/regular meals and on your nights you do what you like. If he doesn't want to eat it have a few frozen batch cooked meals or ready meals as an alternative

@Jessa85 You said - Unfortunately for me, unless he changes my situation will not change.

And he won't change unless you change.

This!

I have ARFID abs therefore a very restricted diet. There's no way I'd expect my DH and DS to only eat the food I do.
I often cook food I won't eat so that I'm pulling my weight. Or DH cooks for him and DS and I sort myself out.

This is a very good compromise. Stick to it OP.

I'm on it. Although I'm going to go through everything with him later, I have quietly made appointments just now with my bank and a solicitor for next week to discuss my options.

And the handy hint for everyone reading your thread @Jessa85 is to take a bloody good look at the family dynamics before you marry. Spoilt DC grow up to be your DH, a grown man who expects you to do everything, pay half even though he earns far more and to cater to his picky eating habits.
I'm glad you're seeing the light Op, time for a big shake up but I imagine he's not going to take this well

This!

Pop him a little bbq by the back door. Throw a few sausages his direction of a meal time... crack on.

Sending you strength and support, OP.

You sound lovely, and you - and your dc - deserve so much more.

I hope your talk goes well - but be prepared that it might not. Your h probably won't want anything to change, as you are running around after him. Why should he get off his arse and do his share? Will be his opinion.

Thankfully they do eat more varied than him but we're all getting bored of the same meals. Don't get me wrong, I like a pasta bake or curry but it's getting too much.

I can't believe you've done this for TEN YEARS. I'd get sick of it after a week.
I'm glad you are going to address it.

Yes that's a very good take from my situation and I whole heartedly agree about the family dynamics. I really don't want my girls having these issues if they decide to live with a partner or marry in years to come.

Thank you so much

What’s best for your girls would be giving them a strong role model of a mum who shows them that they don’t need to stay in a miserable relationship where they’re being treated like a servant.

What they grow up witnessing is what they will copy and learn to accept as adults. If you wouldn’t want your daughters being treated this way by a man, don’t accept it for yourself.

My ex husband was like this. I made him cook for himself. Life is too short for this nonsense.

Yes it's been far too long, I'm like a shadow of my former self. 100% I am putting myself and my daughters first now, whatever happens next is going to be tough but I can't carry on like this. I'm dying inside.

Please stop. As part of your talk you say also I have changed my direct debit to the joint account, to 35% of what’s needed. That’s what I earn, in part because I do all the parenting and stuff around the house, I am at the end of the rope here and I will not pay half money wise and do all of it home wise. So you will need to contribute 65% starting today.

if he kicks off, you say would you like me to check with my friends if they also need to drag their husband to counselling because they do fuck all and 10 seconds later they do fuck all again and they don’t even keep you financially? Im happy to poll the whole neighbourhood.

and save the extra for your fuck him off fund, sounds like you may need it.

That’s fine. If it doesn’t go well there’s no dinner for him and the joint account is short. I’d hold my ground.

This is why me and my husband eat mostly separate dinners. His idea of a decent meal is a plain chicken breast air fried until it can be bounced with no seasoning, flavouring or sauce and frozen chips. We don’t have kids though so it’s easier. I prefer food that has flavour.