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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

787 replies

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:31

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

  • no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
  • no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
  • no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
  • refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
  • won't eat fish
  • no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
  • jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
  • hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

OP posts:
MiserableMrsMopp · 27/02/2025 10:05

Tell him, twice a week, I'll cook the food you specifically like (give him set days). But the rest of the week I'm going to cook other things. You're welcome to share. Or you can have a ready meal OR cook yourself.

Why are you letting him dictate what you cook? You're not a SAHM, and even if you were a SAHM, that doesn't mean he gets to set the menus. I can't conceive of being told what to cook by someone else. If someone in my house wanted something specific to eat, they'd ask super nicely, as a favour to them OR they'd cook it themself!

notatinydancer · 27/02/2025 10:05

Cuppachuchu · 27/02/2025 09:39

As PP, make food that you like and the kids will eat. Batch cook DH's meals and freeze in bulk. Life is too short to miss out on stuff you like because he is so fussy. Ffs.

Or he can batch cook his own meals.

ReadingRubbish · 27/02/2025 10:06

Were you cooking his meals before you had kids?

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 10:06

ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/02/2025 10:00

The majority of our comments, including this one, are stating that he needs to cook for himself. You’re not engaging with that. Why?

Show quote history

Sorry I'm struggling to keep up with the comments. I absolutely see now since talking to you all that he needs to sort himself out. We'll be having a discussion after work later.

OP posts:
Miaowzabella · 27/02/2025 10:07

He sounds like an utter bore. Is he like this about things other than food?

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 10:08

rainbowsparkle28 · 27/02/2025 09:58

Stuff you batch cooking for him. He is a grown ass adult and would soon figure something out if he realised otherwise he would go hungry. You cook the meals you want for you and DC and let him get on with it for himself, I wouldn’t be pandering to his fussiness and refusal to do anything around the house. Fine he is fussy, but he can’t expect everyone else to be dictated by his fussiness especially when he does sweet FA. Ridiculous.

Thank you, I didn't expect so many messages and I absolutely see now how ridiculous this all is. I have very little support here so it's been good to have myself slapped back to reality. I'll be having a chat with him tonight

OP posts:
ThatOpenNewt · 27/02/2025 10:08

AndSoFinally · 27/02/2025 09:35

I would buy 14 ready meals that he will eat and then make whatever I wanted for me and the kids

If he doesn't like it he can make something different

Don't worry about the kids seeing something different, just say daddy can't have ours. They'll stop asking if you don't give in

I agree.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/02/2025 10:09

Honestly op - given your updates, I'd be looking in to the finances. What he'd have to pay in maintenance, what split you would get of your assets, what help you might get from the gov.

When I divorced my ex I was blown away by how much nicer my life was AND my girls as teenagers now have very high expectations of males which im super happy about.

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 10:10

Brefugee · 27/02/2025 09:58

Whenever i see a pp say "I'm a people pleaser" i will admit that i often think it's shorthand for "i am scared to rock the boat"

But what message is it sending to your DC? Woman does all the domestic stuff while man has Big Job. And he dictates what gets cooked and eaten. Is that the message you want to send?

I am saying this having seen OPs updates that she is no longer going to do the ridiculous cooking thing, so good for her.

When that is settled and a routine, she needs to address the rest of it :)

Absolutely not the message I want to send, especially as we have two daughters. Things have to change, I'm not a walk over but I seem to have got stuck in a rut in this relationship and feel so tired from it all that I lost my desire to fight for myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 10:10

ReadingRubbish · 27/02/2025 10:06

Were you cooking his meals before you had kids?

Yes, I'm an idiot I know

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 10:11

Miaowzabella · 27/02/2025 10:07

He sounds like an utter bore. Is he like this about things other than food?

No, only difficult about food and damn lazy because he's been allowed to get away with it.

OP posts:
AnotherHappyCamper · 27/02/2025 10:11

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 27/02/2025 09:40

Cook for yourself and the children and leave him to his own devices.

As others have asked, why are you doing all the cooking anyway?

This.

And the latter, too.

He needs to do better.

JimHalpertsWife · 27/02/2025 10:13

Just stop cooking for him. He doesn't even pull his weight around the house generally, so why would the rest of you live with such a boring range of meals for him?

Cook for you and the kids. He can do his own food every day.

thinktwice36 · 27/02/2025 10:13

BodenCardiganNot · 27/02/2025 09:37

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking.
So what does he do?

This

Neveranynamesleft · 27/02/2025 10:13

@Jessa85

Your situation can change if you change it but you have got to actually want to change it. Do something about it instead of making excuses.

JimHalpertsWife · 27/02/2025 10:14

Also, stop doing his laundry while you are at it.

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 10:16

arethereanyleftatall · 27/02/2025 10:09

Honestly op - given your updates, I'd be looking in to the finances. What he'd have to pay in maintenance, what split you would get of your assets, what help you might get from the gov.

When I divorced my ex I was blown away by how much nicer my life was AND my girls as teenagers now have very high expectations of males which im super happy about.

I did look at all this last year, I saved the calculations and have a full list of my in/outgoings because of course I deal with all the finances too. Our mortgage is 50/50 but I don't think the bank will allow me to take the mortgage on my own, even though I could probably just afford it if all the calculations were correct. Ideally, I don't want to put my family through a divorce but there is only so much I can take. Now I know how ridiculous this all is, I will be having a chat with him this evening... and I hope things will improved, I can't carry on like this.

OP posts:
DeepfriedPizza · 27/02/2025 10:17

When you decide to stop cooking for him please report back to see if he magically starts eating the things he "didn't like"

YellowRoom · 27/02/2025 10:17

Are you afraid of standing your ground? Just wondering what it is that's stopping you. Remember he is very lucky to have you not vice versa. I wonder if you believe him when he says he's more important because he earns more.

olderbutwiser · 27/02/2025 10:18

As a fully signed up avoidant people pleaser martyr I also put up with nonsense like this for years because a) it’s what I did b) golden cage and c) felt guilty about the idea of the children having to spend time every week living with him if we divorced.

Can I recommend you have some solo therapy? I found it massively helpful. Sadly I only did it after I cracked within the marriage and created a very ugly divorce, but it’s been transformational for me since.

Coralsunset · 27/02/2025 10:18

It is clear this is the tip of an iceberg OP and you have a lot to think about.

Can I suggest that you don’t batch cook. Either buy him ready meals (I’m assuming you do all the shopping as well as everything else) and if he doesn’t want them he can shop and cook for himself. Cook whatever you want for yourself and DC.

See a solicitor and get some advice on what the position would be if you divorced. I wasted years thinking I wouldn’t be able to keep the roof over DC head so had to stay in a shitty marriage. It turned out to not be the case. Even if you decide not to split, you will feel empowered and informed and can make a plan.

Good luck. 💐

Shuffles off to Google “marry me chicken”

Grammarnut · 27/02/2025 10:19

Tell him to cook his own meals or buy ready meals to his taste and he can microwave them. Don't give in to this stupidity - you don't all have to eat the same and you don't have to cook two meals. This is control by your DH and you need to stop letting him have his own way in this.
Not staning up to this manipulation of your energy will end in tears.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/02/2025 10:19

Remember with the figures op that your girls are getting older, it took our divorce a year to be sorted, and once they're at secondary, you won't have to pay for childcare, and can leave them a few hours whilst you're at work.

Divorce is no where near as damaging mentally for your children, imo and ime, than what is happening right now in your family.

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 10:20

YellowRoom · 27/02/2025 10:17

Are you afraid of standing your ground? Just wondering what it is that's stopping you. Remember he is very lucky to have you not vice versa. I wonder if you believe him when he says he's more important because he earns more.

Just trying to keep the peace I think. I grew up in an unhappy household, I didn't want the same for my girls so I turned into the person that pleased everybody but myself. He is very lucky to have me and if I left tomorrow he would be buggered. He doesn't seem to realise that.

OP posts:
Oioisavaloy27 · 27/02/2025 10:20

Just let him make his own.

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