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Original poster

Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

787 replies

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:31

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

  • no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
  • no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
  • no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
  • refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
  • won't eat fish
  • no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
  • jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
  • hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

OP posts:
sammyspoon · 27/02/2025 17:58

I don't think it's fair to blame the mother. My husband's mother didn't teach him how to cook but when he left home he was interested, likes good food, and can read... so he picked up a cook book, gave it a go and now is a perfectly competent cook.

TiredCatLady · 27/02/2025 18:06

I love threads where the OP has an epiphany about their situation.

Keep that resolve and good luck tonight @Jessa85 !

Grammarnut · 27/02/2025 18:15

ReadingRubbish · 27/02/2025 17:44

Do you really believe that? Are all men's faults to do with their mothers.

Show quote history

Most of our likes and dislikes are decided in childhood. The saying is from the Jesuits. They did it, too.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/02/2025 18:16

While I think that it is perfectly possible for him to change, what if he does?

What if he does a complete 180 and pulls his weight in the house, agrees to a more equitable split of finances, cooks his own food, treats you with more respect etc.

How would you feel knowing that he COULD have done it all along, but chose not to? That he simple didnt care about you or your feelings enough to bother?

I think I would find that more upsetting than him not changing at all to be honest.

Grammarnut · 27/02/2025 18:18

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:31

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

  • no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
  • no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
  • no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
  • refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
  • won't eat fish
  • no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
  • jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
  • hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

Tell him to do a BBQ every night with a side. Don't cook anything. Also to put all his salary into the joint account into which your salary also goes. That's an entirely sensible arrangement.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/02/2025 18:20

Oh and just googled Marry Me Chicken and it sounds fucking amazing! We are definitely having that this weekend!

Vegemiteandhoneyontoast · 27/02/2025 18:31

Yes, that does look really damned tasty, I'll be trying it out soon too.

sammyspoon · 27/02/2025 18:31

I hope OP is a having a lovely dinner and I'm wondering what her husband is making for himself

Cyclistmumgrandma · 27/02/2025 18:32

Alternate what you cook. Alternate days, when you cook what he likes, make one extra portion to freeze. The days you cook what you like, he can get the extra portion out of the fridge or freezer....

sammyspoon · 27/02/2025 18:36

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/02/2025 18:20

Oh and just googled Marry Me Chicken and it sounds fucking amazing! We are definitely having that this weekend!

Maybe he would like this...

Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!
Vegemiteandhoneyontoast · 27/02/2025 18:38

sammyspoon · 27/02/2025 18:36

Maybe he would like this...

Show quote history

Isn't that one of the things he refused to eat?

Oblomov25 · 27/02/2025 18:55

He presumably was always like this, so why are you complaining now? I wouldn't have gone out with someone food fussy. Why did you?

pinkyredrose · 27/02/2025 19:01

Oblomov25 · 27/02/2025 18:55

He presumably was always like this, so why are you complaining now? I wouldn't have gone out with someone food fussy. Why did you?

Yep let's blame the woman for her husband being an arsehole!

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/02/2025 19:02

Oblomov25 · 27/02/2025 18:55

He presumably was always like this, so why are you complaining now? I wouldn't have gone out with someone food fussy. Why did you?

The point is waaaaaay over there 👉 think you missed it....

Bootsorflipflops · 27/02/2025 19:08

Hi OP, I’ve read all of your responses to this and wow… I’m so happy for you just to see how you have changed your thinking. As someone else said, I’m really rooting for you!
Just came to give a suggestion regarding the stress of food choices, which may have been mentioned already, sorry if it has.
We get a food delivery box each week, inspired by another family member’s experience, and it’s SO helpful in terms of mental load. We get 5 meals for 4 people every week so most dinners are covered. Everyone can help decide on the meals, which is great if kids like to cook with you. You could tell DH he gets ONE choice each week and so does everyone else because the house is not a bloody dictatorship. Or you can just choose things YOU want to cook and enjoy because you are the one doing the food admin and the cooking!
We do Gousto and there are usually about 200 meals to choose from each week so an excellent array of options. I no longer have to even think about meals all week as you just grab the stuff out of the fridge and cook. I enjoy doing the choices for the next week as I sit with a cuppa and browse the options. And price wise we actually save as I’m not spending as much time in the supermarket where I inevitably pick up a bunch of stuff I don’t need, or buy too much of things which then end up as food waste. Kids are eating a wider range than ever, although we did always cook a good variety before. But the best bit is that now I don’t have to THINK about it endlessly! Something to think about, I highly recommend. And good luck!!! x

MissMoan · 27/02/2025 19:09

@Jessa85 I just want to say how wonderfully you are handling all the feedback, and I really wish you the best of luck in moving forward from this.
Sending hugs

LurkyMcLurkinson · 27/02/2025 19:15

I’ve been following this today and I’m so pleased it’s given you a nudge towards prioritising yourself and your children. You all deserve a lot more than what he’s offering and right now it seems this man will drain you for all you’ve got, emotionally, physically, financially etc if you let him, and that your girls will sub consciously learn that’s how relationships work.

SussexLass87 · 27/02/2025 19:32

I've nothing to contribute, I've just read the OPs posts but I'm cheering you on!

ChiliFiend · 27/02/2025 20:10

"I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that."

What happened to you to make you accept this set up? I want to know so that my daughters avoid it. It's depressing as hell. Stand up for yourself, fgs. Make him make his own dinner!!

Codlingmoths · 27/02/2025 20:20

GBooArt · 27/02/2025 15:35

Is your husband neurodiverse? Could that be why the range of foods he will eat is so limited?

So what if he is? This didn’t occur to anyone in counselling, so doesn’t seem blindingly obvious. But if he is, it’s the kind of nd that means he refuses to pay fairly, parent, tidy, consider the ops perspective or that the op isn’t his servant, or even try and change; that kind of nd is the kind you divorce. Hes not at the gp trying to help himself manage his life, hes not struggling in other areas. Hes firmly saying im important and youre not and you will bend over backwards to accomodate me because i like what i like and your time has no value. But your job does, with what remaining time you have to do it, I don’t care what you earn or do at home, you will pay half our costs.

GBooArt · 27/02/2025 20:47

Codlingmoths · 27/02/2025 20:20

So what if he is? This didn’t occur to anyone in counselling, so doesn’t seem blindingly obvious. But if he is, it’s the kind of nd that means he refuses to pay fairly, parent, tidy, consider the ops perspective or that the op isn’t his servant, or even try and change; that kind of nd is the kind you divorce. Hes not at the gp trying to help himself manage his life, hes not struggling in other areas. Hes firmly saying im important and youre not and you will bend over backwards to accomodate me because i like what i like and your time has no value. But your job does, with what remaining time you have to do it, I don’t care what you earn or do at home, you will pay half our costs.

Show quote history

OK. I was just a question!

NameChanges123 · 27/02/2025 20:54

Wow, what a lazy fucker you've got there!

Let him sort his own meals out.

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 21:10

I will catch up on all the messages tomorrow, feeling totally worn out this evening.

My girls and I had a lovely meal out tonight and we came up with some dinners to try over the weekend. For once I feel excited to cook.

As for my husband, he ate because there was a plate on the side but I didn’t bother to ask what he had. We have a dishwasher, no need for him to leave it on the side. So I told him to clear that up, I’m going to bed. He knows somethings up but he can wait until tomorrow.

OP posts:
thismummydrinksgin · 27/02/2025 21:45

I'm sure this has been said, but he's not the breadwinner for your house if he is only paying 50% into bills.

Topsyturvy78 · 27/02/2025 22:13

jellyfishperiwinkle · 27/02/2025 16:08

That would do my head in. It was bad enough with my dad growing up who only liked traditional meat, potatoes and veg style dishes.

DH dislikes eggs and mushrooms and creamy sauces which annoys me enough, but I can work round it.

I would definitely get your DH shopping and cooking. My mum got fed up of fussiness and my dad did the weekly shop and some of the cooking.

My ex was like this. Wasn't happy if I did a quick tea like fish fingers or their favourite quick tea tinned meatballs with cheesy pasta. He would also eat any leftovers for breakfast. Just one of many reasons he's an ex.