Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

[Jessa85]

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

• no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
• no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
• no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
• refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
• won't eat fish
• no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
• jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
• hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

Yep.

In spades.

Exactly.
In this case, exactly.
My husband just adapted to the stuff I would eat as a neurodiverse person.
Obviously not forced, but it's just food.

Thank you everyone for my eye opening day! I really appreciate every comment and have replied to as many as I could. I'm going to get my girls now and off out for dinner. For those interested, 'll update on how things are going in a few days. Thank you, Jessa x

Check the situation re your state pension. It used to be that on divorce you would be credited with the full stamp for the whole period of your marriage.

The only thing to be careful about is not remarrying before you get the pension as the credits from your first husband would be removed.

I’ve been reading your thread since this morning, @Jessa85, and I am cheering you on for the future.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

This is the real issue, OP: you work full time and do almost everything at home? INcluding trying to accommodate a ridiculous moany, picky ADULT eater?

Fuck that.

Say he eats what's in front of him, a nutritious, well-rounded meal, or it's toast and butter or toast and beans that he sorts for himself. The children need to be eating proper meals, with variety, and learning that ridiculous complaints will not be accommodated.

And he needs to be picking up more of the housework and cooking at home.

He's a good person, heart of gold I'm always baffled when people on here say this about men who are frankly wastes of space.
A good person doesn't fuss and demand and ask for ridiculous food concessions.
Or deny their partner one lie-in (for whatever reason).
Or decide unilaterally that the partner can do all the house work and mental load.
Or set a shitty example for their children.

Ignore the messages about batch-cooking for him or buying him ready meals
In the longer term, as you know, you need to see him change his behaviour or you leave.
In the short term, cook what you and your kids (who sound excellent) want to eat and leave him to it. A breezy 'Daddy can't have the same as us' will do for any questions.

If he wants to eat he needs to cook for himself and clean up afterwards. I guarantee he'll find he enjoys a good many foods that are easy to prepare when he becomes responsible for his own nutrition.

He is not suffering from disordered eating. The OP is suffering from his disordered thinking and self image, and his hierarchical view of how relationships work. He thinks the OP is there to serve him because he deserves her labour, her energy, her time, her special attention in the kitchen.

He needs to have his place and role explained to him.

Beware leaving the joint account as is. I had a colleague whose husband cleared it just before he left ad she was left with no savings and 2 young children.

You need to do that before your husband does the same. You just say you want more control over your savings as part of the new era!

I'm afraid that had I known this when dating, I'd have dumped him.

This sort of behaviour is very unattractive.

On one level it's a very unhealthy way to live.
He has a restricted diet and it seems close to an eating disorder.
It comes across as a MH issue not just someone who doesn't like a few foods.

I suggest he might contact an ED helpline and meanwhile make his own food.

Love, this isn't about food.

It food was the problem, he would have said, "Darling, I really can't eat X or Y or Z. So because I can't eat the nice meals you cook, I'll buy and prepare food I like and I won't leave a mess for you to clean up afterwards."

And also, "Of course I'll do half the housework, because we are partners."

Do you see the difference between those attitudes and what he does?

This man is on a power trip.

Divorce! I'm half joking, I could never tolerate a fussy eater, particularly an adult one! The foods you have described are regular every day foods, he is the one with the palette of a 5 year old. Food for many is such an important part of a relationship, eating out, cooking together, exploring different cuisines. This sounds dire!

I saw a comment about him feeling more important than me because he earns more... that's 100% the case, in fact he has said those exact words to my face when I begged him for a lie in one weekend when I was on mat leave with our second child. Despite him earning more than me, I still contribute 50% on all our bills with the exception of holidays.

You're in a financially abusive relationship as well.

Wondered that myself

I hope you are right. I thought the same about my ( now ex ) husband ( although I was probably less switched on than you). In fact it turned out that he was hiding hundreds of thousands of pounds, which he had stashed away during our marriage. He did this by various methods, mainly telling me that he earned about a quarter of what he actually did. Plus some much more clever methods which I won’t explain here for obvious reasons.

Although I found out about this during our divorce I was never able to discover where he put the money so he was able to keep it all . So I had to give him half my pension and buy him out the house. I estimate he got about 80% of our assets.

So please don’t assume as I did that you know about it all. He is mean and selfish and steals your time and energy for his own benefit. And he steals your cash by making you pay more than your share. So he’s more than likely cheating you in other ways as well.

Give him a bland version of whatever you're having. Won't eat stroganoff- he can have a steak and rice and broccoli.
Treat him like a toddler.

Or tell him that it's unreasonable of him
To expect everyone to eat to his rigid fussiness and that if he doesn't like what you're making - he can make his own shit meal.

OMFG this would drive me crazy. Just cook for yourself and your kids,leave him to his own devices.

Stay strong lovely x

Hi OP

Be aware that he might actually change when he realises that you're mentally done now and ready to leave if he doesn't improve.

And be aware that you still might want to end things. Because he didn't want to change, he was happy with you doing his share (and paying his share) and happy to see you ground down for all those years, and he might only be doing it to make you stay, not because it's the right thing to do and he is a decent human

Unless you were a SAHM and he contributed everything financially which isn’t your case, I would be making him make his own meals.

I don’t cook different dinners for my kids, never would I ever for an adult!

Far too many men these days want a traditional wife yet want you to work and contribute 50/50 while they sit on their slobby arses and leave you to do all the childcare. One of many reasons why I will be staying single from now on!

Get his mother to make his meals and freeze them ; she’s probably responsible for his present behaviour. “ Give me the boy until he is seven and I will give you the man “ .

Do you really believe that? Are all men's faults to do with their mothers.

OMG how very tedious... I couldn't suffer that. Can he shop and cook his own food, he is the one with a problem, not you. Plus, I bet he could eat some of these as probably a hang over from childhood and he's a big boy now

@CMTwb1941 O absolutely, I blame the parents!

”He don’t let up the sorrow,
he lies and he cheats
It takes a heart like Mary’s
these days
when your man gets weak

The main thing I’ve taken from this is that ‘marry me’ chicken is a thing. I googled it and it sounds really nice! I’m going to make it this week.

He sounds really hard work, OP.