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Original poster

Husbands food preferences driving me crazy!

787 replies

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:31

Sorry this got long! I'm struggling with my husband and the family meals I make.

He is incredibly fussy or particular... I don't know the best way to describe it so I'll list out what he won't eat -

  • no creamy dishes - things like 'marry me' chicken or honey mustard chicken are a no no.
  • no sour cream or mayonnaise - would simply refuse something like beef stroganoff
  • no chunky vegetable dishes, no salads
  • refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries
  • won't eat fish
  • no stews or soups - hates stews and soups are 'not a meal' apparently
  • jacket potatoes will only eat with beans and must have meat on the side
  • hates egg dishes so meals like quiche or omelette are out of the question

None of these preferences are allergy related.

We eat the same meals on repeat every week - some pasta variation, some curry variation, some meat and veg variation and I'm at my wits end, It's been 10 years and I'm bored of the same food. I'm craving something different but every time he will say - does it have XYZ in it? why is the veg all chunky? you know I don't like this sort of thing and so on. If he had it his way, we would BBQ meat every night and eat it with the same veg and some form of side dish.

I am a mum and work full-time, I am responsible for most of the housework and all the cooking. I really do not want to be cooking two separate meals everyday, I don't have the time or the energy for that.

I thought about asking him to cook his own meal but then I have the issue of our kids seeing us eating two different things and say well if daddy can have something different why can't I! Which will stress me out even more, I want them to eat a variety of food and not become so regimented like their father.

I really don't know what to do, I've spoken to him about it many times and he said 'I like what I like'... my reply was 'well what about what I like?' he told me I can always cook myself something different. Any advice appreciated, thank you.

UPDATE FROM OP ADDED BY MNHQ: Thank you for all the replies and for all the advice on food. The situation has escalated and I'll add updates on my relationship when possible for those interested in following along with me

OP posts:
Strictlymad · 27/02/2025 13:23

We all have likes and dislikes (he has a lot…) but sometimes you get a meal you like, sometimes you don’t. Firstly he should be grateful being cooked for- he doesn’t like the food he can sort himself out. Secondly don’t let your kids get fussy like him - they need to be exposed to a varied diet. Make 7 meals- some that suit him some that don’t. Oh and the kids need to see him help around the house

ArtTheClown · 27/02/2025 13:23

Page 1 me and page 8 me are two different people haha, I'm done with him. He's going to have to show up fast or divorce.

Good for you! I'm really pleased for you that this thread has been able to help you find your strength. I hope he doesn't know what's hit him.

weaselwords · 27/02/2025 13:24

I love your evolution from page 1. I also, for once, want a man to evolve and realise he is behaving horribly and then become the partner you always wanted. Do you think he is capable of this?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 27/02/2025 13:25

Cuppachuchu · 27/02/2025 09:39

As PP, make food that you like and the kids will eat. Batch cook DH's meals and freeze in bulk. Life is too short to miss out on stuff you like because he is so fussy. Ffs.

Let him cook his own!

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 27/02/2025 13:30

At this stage i wouldn't even batch cook for him, you've accommodated him long enough, fuck it, if he won't try anything else then he sorts his own meals.

theteachesofleeches · 27/02/2025 13:32

If he was the 'breadwinner" he'd be paying for the bread! Not 50% of it!

I would give this cunt 2 choices - the same choices I have always given my very helpful and fully contributing DH: Take it, or leave it

I cannot fathom how he coerced you into this. No wonder he earns more - he has a full time housekeeper!

HangryBrickShark · 27/02/2025 13:33

AndSoFinally · 27/02/2025 09:35

I would buy 14 ready meals that he will eat and then make whatever I wanted for me and the kids

If he doesn't like it he can make something different

Don't worry about the kids seeing something different, just say daddy can't have ours. They'll stop asking if you don't give in

My partner is the same.

Doesn't like garlic, onion, pasta, rice, spaghetti, meat on the bone, aniseed, marshmallow, mayo, tomato sauce, curry, lasagne, carbonara, fish unless battered, soft cheese, smoked salmon, calamari, tuna, tinned tomatoes
A meal to him is a baked potato with a sprinkle of grated cheese and some ham on the side or a couple of chicken strips and some chips or potato slices you airfry. Day after day, after day.

Drives me nuts.
I have 4 things I refuse to eat. I won't eat baked beans, tomato soup, halal meat or anything with eyes (on my plate I mean, like whole prawns or whole fish).

EuclidianGeometryFan · 27/02/2025 13:34

OP there are loads of threads on MN about how to approach the practicalities of separating and getting divorced.
Have a good browse.

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 13:42

weaselwords · 27/02/2025 13:24

I love your evolution from page 1. I also, for once, want a man to evolve and realise he is behaving horribly and then become the partner you always wanted. Do you think he is capable of this?

At this current time I cannot see him being capable of change. We tried it before and he slipped back to his lazy ways. He's my husband, I'd love for him to grow and make changes for the better but right now I can't see it happening

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 27/02/2025 13:43

Similar. Years of not cooking what I wanted as he wouldn't have liked it. I fantasised about when I could eat what I wanted more.

Divorced him. Sat here eating a homemade quiche which tastes amazing and he'd have barely tolerated or refused to eat.

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 13:44

theteachesofleeches · 27/02/2025 13:32

If he was the 'breadwinner" he'd be paying for the bread! Not 50% of it!

I would give this cunt 2 choices - the same choices I have always given my very helpful and fully contributing DH: Take it, or leave it

I cannot fathom how he coerced you into this. No wonder he earns more - he has a full time housekeeper!

Very true words! I'm not sure either, I think overtime I just lost more and more confidence to stand up for myself. Then when the kids arrived and still nothing changed, I came to terms with everything to keep the peace for their sake. The wrong decision I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 13:46

HangryBrickShark · 27/02/2025 13:33

My partner is the same.

Doesn't like garlic, onion, pasta, rice, spaghetti, meat on the bone, aniseed, marshmallow, mayo, tomato sauce, curry, lasagne, carbonara, fish unless battered, soft cheese, smoked salmon, calamari, tuna, tinned tomatoes
A meal to him is a baked potato with a sprinkle of grated cheese and some ham on the side or a couple of chicken strips and some chips or potato slices you airfry. Day after day, after day.

Drives me nuts.
I have 4 things I refuse to eat. I won't eat baked beans, tomato soup, halal meat or anything with eyes (on my plate I mean, like whole prawns or whole fish).

Show quote history

Yes I'm very happy to eat most things but I'm with you on the eyes haha. Thankfully I'm one to try anything once and luckily my girls have the same mindset when it comes to food and eat very well.

OP posts:
ReadingRubbish · 27/02/2025 13:47

I've become his mother, that this was the role he expected me to take and over the years I've lost all my confidence to turn around and say no.

It sounds like you never said no though? What was the relationship
Like when you started?

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 13:47

EuclidianGeometryFan · 27/02/2025 13:34

OP there are loads of threads on MN about how to approach the practicalities of separating and getting divorced.
Have a good browse.

I will do, thank you

OP posts:
YourHappyJadeEagle · 27/02/2025 13:47

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 09:47

Thank you all. I think batch cooking for him and just being consistent with the kids on eating with me is going to be the best thing.

To answer questions on what he does... well he doesn't do much at all! It's been a long term problem in our relationship because he grew up having to do nothing in the house. We went to therapy last year and things improved but slowly he's slipping into being a lazy bugger again. He's the breadwinner and although I've considered divorce (reason for therapy), I simply don't think I can afford the house by myself. So I'm a bit stuck really. He's a good person, heart of gold but damn lazy and frustrating.

Yes blueberry I am a people pleaser and seem to have made a rod for my own back here.

The “ heart of gold” is his presentation to the world to disguise the fact he’s bone idle.
He’s quite capable of shopping for himself and cooking his own meals and if he isn’t he’ll just have to go hungry won’t he? You’re not his personal chef.
Any questions from children Dad’s decided to make his own meals for now, and divert to another topic.

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 13:48

2025willbemytime · 27/02/2025 13:43

Similar. Years of not cooking what I wanted as he wouldn't have liked it. I fantasised about when I could eat what I wanted more.

Divorced him. Sat here eating a homemade quiche which tastes amazing and he'd have barely tolerated or refused to eat.

haha when I was typing my original message I thought damn I'd love some quiche salad and new potatoes!!

OP posts:
eb949013 · 27/02/2025 13:49

I think its better you have the children eat a wider variety with you than risk them also wanting a different meal. I'm the picky eater in my family but I always cook with the family in mind and adapt my portion for my preference

LillyPJ · 27/02/2025 13:52

If you do chunky veg, surely he knows how to use a knife? You need to introduce your children to a wide variety of foods. Cater for them and let him do his own boring meals. He sounds like a big baby.

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 13:53

ReadingRubbish · 27/02/2025 13:47

I've become his mother, that this was the role he expected me to take and over the years I've lost all my confidence to turn around and say no.

It sounds like you never said no though? What was the relationship
Like when you started?

When our relationship first started he lived at home, he went from that to us living together. His mum did everything for him and I didn't realise that so for him moving in and me asking him to help was a shock. He helped for a bit and then he slipped into 'playing on the playstation with mates' or 'he'll do his washing later' and I, being the idiot I am slowly stopped nagging and just got on with it. It became worse when we had children and I was on maternity leave and it never got better... until I lost my rag last year and asked for couples therapy (for a few reasons)

OP posts:
trailblazer42 · 27/02/2025 13:54

Brefugee · 27/02/2025 09:58

Whenever i see a pp say "I'm a people pleaser" i will admit that i often think it's shorthand for "i am scared to rock the boat"

But what message is it sending to your DC? Woman does all the domestic stuff while man has Big Job. And he dictates what gets cooked and eaten. Is that the message you want to send?

I am saying this having seen OPs updates that she is no longer going to do the ridiculous cooking thing, so good for her.

When that is settled and a routine, she needs to address the rest of it :)

It is that with people pleasing to some extent, but it is mostly a crippling predisposition to feel like you are a complete failure if someone is upset/angry/their needs aren't being met, especially when doing the pleasing is seen as a positive thing (therefore not doing it is negative). It is rocking the boat but being afraid that you're the one that will get thrown out.

weaselwords · 27/02/2025 13:54

Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 13:42

At this current time I cannot see him being capable of change. We tried it before and he slipped back to his lazy ways. He's my husband, I'd love for him to grow and make changes for the better but right now I can't see it happening

Show quote history

I was just thinking about this. People do change; I’ve changed over the years, you’ve changed over the course of this thread. I want to believe that lazy, financially abusive men can also change.

But then you’d have to deal with the seething resentment of 10 years of him being like this and I don’t know how you’d get over that.

Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 13:54

YourHappyJadeEagle · 27/02/2025 13:47

The “ heart of gold” is his presentation to the world to disguise the fact he’s bone idle.
He’s quite capable of shopping for himself and cooking his own meals and if he isn’t he’ll just have to go hungry won’t he? You’re not his personal chef.
Any questions from children Dad’s decided to make his own meals for now, and divert to another topic.

Show quote history

Yes you're right.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessa85 · 27/02/2025 13:56

trailblazer42 · 27/02/2025 13:54

It is that with people pleasing to some extent, but it is mostly a crippling predisposition to feel like you are a complete failure if someone is upset/angry/their needs aren't being met, especially when doing the pleasing is seen as a positive thing (therefore not doing it is negative). It is rocking the boat but being afraid that you're the one that will get thrown out.

Show quote history

I could go into a whole history of my life with my husband and why I am the way I am but you've really hit the nail on the head with why I was the 'people pleaser'. I was scared to rock the boat. Thankfully I just can't put up with it anymore and its time to make a storm if thats whats necessary

OP posts:
2024onwardsandup · 27/02/2025 13:57

How is the main breadwinner when you split bills 50/50?

He doesn't behave a heart of gold OP

Divorce him

And as of today tell him you are not cooking for him, doing his washing or doing any other personal admin for him

It really is that simple. Just stop. If he lives on toast so what

Shintoland · 27/02/2025 13:57

Amazing story arc on this thread!

My husband grew up eating 3 things, they'd have called it ARFID today I think. I can't begin to tell you how different he is to your husband, and how far he has come with actively expanding his diet so his children grew up unaffected. Like you I have also ended up doing most of the cooking, but the culture/atmosphere around that could not be more different to what you're describing. Best wishes OP.