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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he a psychopath?

127 replies

TerribleDecisions · 26/02/2025 17:59

I'm 5 months pregnant and I've been with my partner for 5 years. We got a cat and recently I noticed the cat is really scared of my partner. To the point where he doesn't come in the house when he is here (we don't fully live together). I have camera's in the house for the cat, when I'm not there but they were only on a live connection. I've started recording when motion is detected and I'm mortified at what I've seen.
My partner has been bullying, almost abusing my cat! He tries to coax him out of his bed with food and shakes it around. He poked him under the sofa with a curtain pole, vacuum pole and thrown water at him. Watching the footage, he looks obsessed with tormenting my poor cat, spending 20 minutes to half hour each time.
I feel like I don't know who he is anymore. I want to confront him but I'm scared. If he can do that to a cat, what will he do to our baby? I don't trust him and don't want him around me.

How do I get out of this nightmare please?

OP posts:
Rfvvvv · 28/02/2025 22:02

Call Women's aid and RSPCA.
This is a very bad man.
Protect that footage.
Change your locks.

treesandsun · 28/02/2025 23:40

You have done nothing wrong - so don't doubt yourself. You noticed the cat was scared and acted on it - so you trusted your instincts.
He is awful and you would not trust him around your child alone.
What I would suggest is : get your locks changed - lucky he does not live with you. Go to the police, show them the recording and see what if anything they would suggest - maybe they will log it but at least there is some record of it. End it with him and tell him why and that you have the video evidence. I wouldn't normally suggest this after five years but by text might be safer but at the very least have someone else there with you when you do. You have a few months until baby is born to get information about what you can do if he wants to see the baby.
You must be so shocked.

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