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Original poster

Is he a psychopath?

127 replies

TerribleDecisions · 26/02/2025 17:59

I'm 5 months pregnant and I've been with my partner for 5 years. We got a cat and recently I noticed the cat is really scared of my partner. To the point where he doesn't come in the house when he is here (we don't fully live together). I have camera's in the house for the cat, when I'm not there but they were only on a live connection. I've started recording when motion is detected and I'm mortified at what I've seen.
My partner has been bullying, almost abusing my cat! He tries to coax him out of his bed with food and shakes it around. He poked him under the sofa with a curtain pole, vacuum pole and thrown water at him. Watching the footage, he looks obsessed with tormenting my poor cat, spending 20 minutes to half hour each time.
I feel like I don't know who he is anymore. I want to confront him but I'm scared. If he can do that to a cat, what will he do to our baby? I don't trust him and don't want him around me.

How do I get out of this nightmare please?

OP posts:
PineConeOrDogPoo · 26/02/2025 19:14

How dreadful 😢
Poor little cat

Crateoflemsip · 26/02/2025 19:16

Astronautstar · 26/02/2025 19:07

This person will be able to get half of his time with your child eventually if he wants it.

I'm sorry to say this but I would be reconsidering the pregnancy.

Edited

She is 5 months pregnant.

the more sensible option would be to report this to the police, and speak to women’s aid. He wouldn’t get half the time with a new born.

she should also get legal advice asap on how to limit his contact once the child is older- on child safety concerns

Make sure you report this to police OP

caramac04 · 26/02/2025 19:18

Omg what an utter bastard he is. Poor cat. He cannot be normal to deliberately and wilfully cause harm to an animal.
He will certainly go on to hurt humans and could never be left with a baby or child.
Change the locks and dump him.
Do not let him be anywhere near the cat or baby without supervision- or ever at all ideally.

roseymoira · 26/02/2025 19:18

Gosh, I was prepared to roll my eyes, but I think he actually is a psychopath.
He isn't almost abusive to your cat, he is abusive. The poor cat.

I would keep the footage, dump him by text message. Tell him not to contact you. Change locks.

Log the footage with the police.

fromthevault · 26/02/2025 19:19

Animal abuse is clearly linked to psychopathy.

End the relationship, change your locks, inform police and do not put his name on the birth certificate.

ChaosAD · 26/02/2025 19:27

I think if you're not prepared to dump this man after seeing him treat a defenceless animal in such a cruel manner then at least do the poor cat a favour and rehome it. The poor thing shouldn't be subjected to the actions of this moron for a minute longer.

KeebabSpider · 26/02/2025 19:39

Get rid. Do not allow him at the birth. Do not take him when registering the baby. Make certain he doesn't have PR. Claim you have no idea who the father is. In fact, if it were me I'd move house too and never let him anywhere near me, my cat or children. Don't later rely on the family courts to keep your child safe.

EarthSight · 26/02/2025 19:41

I feel like I don't know who he is anymore

You don't, but better you find out now before your baby is born.

I want to confront him but I'm scared

You should be scared, but don't confront him. Leave him but don't tell him you're leaving. Call Women's Aid and possibly get police support. They might view him as as a risk to you. Ask a relative or close friend to look after your cat asap in the meantime, or contact a cat shelter for fostering.

If he can do that to a cat, what will he do to our baby?

Is this a serious question??

Newname25 · 26/02/2025 19:43

This is just horrific. I hope you are okay OP. The poor cat 💔

Paisley19 · 26/02/2025 19:45

OP, this is awful. Please have my very first leave the bastard. Anyone who can do that to a defenceless animal has no excuse. I'd never trust him again. Now's your chance to leave. You can do this without him!

eyeeyeeyeeyeeye · 26/02/2025 19:46

This is my first LTB aswell op. Poor cat.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 26/02/2025 19:46

There’s a reason one of the questions on the domestic abuse risk assessment is about animal abuse. I absolutely would end the relationship over this and wouldn’t be supportive of him having unsupervised contact with your child when they’re born. If you don’t fully live together I’d recommend waiting until he leaves, packing his stuff while he’s out and then contacting him saying you have seen how he’s treated the cat and telling where he can collect his possessions from, such as a friend’s house so he has no excuse to come to yours. I’d then arrange for a friend to stay with you or for you to stay away for a few days in case things blow up, and i’d be sure to change the locks and get a ring door bell. Once you’re safe you can evaluate whether you’ve missed any red flags in this relationship and whether you might benefit from some education around healthy relationships, such as doing the freedom programme online. I’d also let your midwife know what’s happening so they can support you and help if needed with ensuring you can focus on safely having this baby.

Pinkissmart · 26/02/2025 19:49

Poor poor cat. OP, were there other things that worried you?

Dollydaydream100 · 26/02/2025 19:51

Please say you're not going to leave him alone with the cat again?

You need to get him out, right now. Make sure there are people there with you when you tell him to leave - don't confront him alone.

witwatwoo · 26/02/2025 19:51

I'd share the footage on social media, show the world what he's like

MeganM3 · 26/02/2025 19:55

Of course the cat should never be within his reach again - but neither should you !!!

And certainly not a baby.

Wow. This is seriously scary. Maybe the worst thing I've read on here.

You are in a horrible position because if you split, and he is the legal father, he will have lone unsupervised access to the child.

You must act really fast here. In your position I would do something very very drastic. Like tell him you lost the baby and move away.

eyeeyeeyeeyeeye · 26/02/2025 19:57

witwatwoo · 26/02/2025 19:51

I'd share the footage on social media, show the world what he's like

This !

category12 · 26/02/2025 19:58

Split up now, and do a flit before the baby is born.

Once the baby is born, he might be able to stop you moving away or whatever. I'd fuck off as far away as possible while you can.

NewYorkBuilder · 26/02/2025 20:01

Please can you phone a cat welfare charity and get your cat away from this evil man asap. Then start the process to leave him. He is cruel and won’t change. I would also report him for animal cruelty. What a vile pathetic loser to torment a little cat.

I only wish there were greater laws to protect pets and defenceless animals against cruelty from humans.

chickenlettuceunderbacon · 26/02/2025 20:03

Wtf. I can't believe you've even taken this to MN. Tell him to leave immediately and report him to the police.

xWren · 26/02/2025 20:03

First thing’s first, get the locks changed (front and back doors, people always forget the back door).

Then, report him to the Police and make it clear “I want this logged please should I need to refer to it in the future”.

Then either ask for a Police escort to be there when you tell him the relationship is over and to collect his things or have a male with you that you trust while he collects his things (he won’t see two females as much of a threat if he chooses to react aggressively).

Do not put his name on the birth certificate, do not list him as the father.

Then, you might need further advice from the Police or family law regarding his rights to unsupervised access to the child once it’s born. I’d keep several copies of that footage in different places and continuously refer to it as proof he is not safe around innocent beings whether they be animals or children.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 26/02/2025 20:06

witwatwoo · 26/02/2025 19:51

I'd share the footage on social media, show the world what he's like

Very stupid suggestion to deliberately antagonise and publicly humiliate such a sadistic man when the OP is pregnant, vulnerable and he still has access to her home.

OP, is there someone who can stay with you for a few days while you get the locks changed and let him know the relationship is over?

As PPs have said, don’t put him on the birth certificate. Keep and copy the footage you have. You may be able to make a police report. They’re unlikely to do anything, but the report itself plus the footage may have some weight if he ever attempts to gain access to your child at any point in the future.

Women’s Aid are a good source of information and advice.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 26/02/2025 20:10

category12 · 26/02/2025 19:58

Split up now, and do a flit before the baby is born.

Once the baby is born, he might be able to stop you moving away or whatever. I'd fuck off as far away as possible while you can.

It’s the OP’s cat and the OP’s home. He doesn’t live there.

PaperDreamsHoney · 26/02/2025 20:20

OP I have been where you are. Married 15 years then found out my now ex-h had tried to kill our cat many years before. Sure enough he turned nasty when I left him and has gone on to hurt one of our children during court-ordered contact. Honestly I wouldn't bank on leaving him off the birth certificate being enough protection; I'd be considering moving away and disappearing.

changedusernameforthis1 · 26/02/2025 20:26

I've never said this before but please - LTB.

My ex husband was extremely abusive towards me and one of the last straws was when I caught him cutting off our elderly cats whiskers whilst laughing.
We had a huge argument and, during said argument, he picked up our old boy and full on threw him at me.

He's now on the animal offenders register and can't own another pet for x amount of years.