Is he a psychopath?

[TerribleDecisions]

I'm 5 months pregnant and I've been with my partner for 5 years. We got a cat and recently I noticed the cat is really scared of my partner. To the point where he doesn't come in the house when he is here (we don't fully live together). I have camera's in the house for the cat, when I'm not there but they were only on a live connection. I've started recording when motion is detected and I'm mortified at what I've seen.
My partner has been bullying, almost abusing my cat! He tries to coax him out of his bed with food and shakes it around. He poked him under the sofa with a curtain pole, vacuum pole and thrown water at him. Watching the footage, he looks obsessed with tormenting my poor cat, spending 20 minutes to half hour each time.
I feel like I don't know who he is anymore. I want to confront him but I'm scared. If he can do that to a cat, what will he do to our baby? I don't trust him and don't want him around me.

How do I get out of this nightmare please?

Oh hurting the cat is awful, a poor defenceless animal. How cruel.

Glad you don’t live with this man. As others have said end the relationship but with someone with you and then change your house locks.

Please take this very seriously and protect yourself and your baby. Don’t underestimate what he might do.

If this is real, don't let this awful man near your cat again he sounds evil.

This has triggered a memory of something I saw on a FB relationship abuse forum. A woman said that her cat just disappeared one day and she was sure her husband was behind it.

Good you’ve found him out.

Could not feel any attraction for someone who hurt a trusting animal, so relationship would end. Also you would be putting yourself and baby in danger.
reading this as my lovely big boy cat is on my knee purring. Steam coming out of my ears as I read your post op.
Surely any respect you may have had is now gone?

Agree with all pp about this. Poor cat.

OP, this man is your partner of five years and you are pregnant with his child, but you don’t live together. Is it fair to say that you are already cautious of him? Because that sounds like an unusual setup.

This! Sorry you’re in this position, and it might well be a shock if he’s been hiding this behaviour. But it’s a bit ‘young dahmer’ to me. What a horrible man.

Keep yourself, kids and cat safe.

⬆️⬆️⬆️ this.

And in particular, do NOT tell him face to face at home, with just the two of you.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, I'm not a cat person and this has really upset me.

Get away from the cruel bastard asap. I wish you and your baby well.

What you're suggesting is awful, subject the poor animal to more abuse to obtain more footage? You're vile.

Change locks. Speak to the police, RSPCA, your midwife. Tell everyone you know what he did. Formulate a plan on how to get him out of your life safely. Poor little cat.

Thanks for all your messages.
I think I had to write it down to process it properly. I'm in shock and the hormones aren't helping. I can't stop crying.
We don't live together because of his work commitments and honestly it just worked for us. The pregnancy was very unexpected and I don't believe in terminations.
I didn't think I could be so close to someone so cruel and not know. I'm questioning my own judgement and slowly losing my sanity

OP - Ted Bundy's wife didn't know he was a psycho killer.

Im not saying your partner is a murderer and maybe it's a bad analogy but the point I'm making is that these men don't show their true selves to the outside world - they know they have to act a certain way to live a normal life, have a job, a partner, friends. They seem like perfectly nice men to most people. But eventually the mask will slip, or there'll be red flags you maybe missed.

You've had a really good opportunity here, a fluke really - to see what his true character is - a man who torments and tortures a defenceless animal. Thank goodness you saw his true colours on that camera.

I can imagine how upset and horrified you must be - you're having this man's baby and your head must be all over the place but honestly - I wouldn't let this man ever be alone with my child. And you can't live like that.

What are you planning to do?

Change the locks then end the relationship.

His abuse of an animal is an indicator that he us a domestic abuser.

Contact the police for a Clare's Law disclosure to see what his domestic abuse history is because I'm sure there is one.

I didn't think I could be so close to someone so cruel and not know. I'm questioning my own judgement and slowly losing my sanity

What I meant to add there and got carried away (!) was that none of this is your fault. I've been taken in by a maniputlwtive man in the past who wasn't the person I thought he was and I'm an intelligent, educated woman - as I'm sure you are. These men go out to beguile people and hide their true selves.

You are not naive or stupid - he has tricked you into thinking he's a good guy bc that is the face he has shown to you. You weren't to know.

There is a strong correlation between people who torture or abuse animals and then go on to serious criminal acts against humans.
Get rid of him. Do not put his name on the child's birth certificate. Take care of yourself, stay safe.

As long as his name isn't on the rent agreement/mortgage etc, changing the locks and keeping him out shouldn't be a problem, but if I'm wrong, one of MN's legal eagles will be along soon to advise.

Don't castigate yourself for not knowing what this man is. For one thing, charm is in a psychopath's MO. They show one face to the world, but their real one is hidden till the mask slips. Also the behaviour you describe is too extreme to be on the radar of the average reasonable adult. Who, in their right mind looks out for people who torment a defenceless animal among their friends and family? I have a fairly wide circle of loved ones and I honestly don't think I know of anyone who'd behave like that, but what would I know? They show one face to the world etc.

Put your energy into making sure you, your baby and your beloved pusscat are safe. Women's Aid may be able to advise on how best to do this and there is plenty of expertise on MN.

Please do not record more footage of him being cruel to the cat. Don't let this happen to the poor cat again. Agree with everything else though, go to the police with the footage of animal cruelty and leave him. People who are cruel to animals are not good people

Take the cat and go. If you're going to judge someone's character, judge them by how they treat those who can't defend themselves. Getting in a drunken bar fight is one thing, deliberately being cruel to something so defenceless is another. An abuser is an abuser.

That's not someone you want around a tiny innocent baby.

Go and stop somewhere else, take the cat with you, and break up with him.

Wtf. I can't believe you've even taken this to MN. Tell him to leave immediately and report him to the police.

@chickenlettuceunderbacon

MN is the best place to post this in order to help her get her thoughts in order.
And get great support and ideas.

FFS, she's 5 months pregnant. She has enough on her plate already and now finds her cat is being abused.
Have some compassion.

Definetly report it to the police OP. (And RSPCA). It needs to be documented.

And get your midwife onboard that you are dealing with a cruel father-to-be.

Do you have friends and family to help?

"A lot of dangerous people begin by abusing animals"

This.
Is the house yours? As a previous poster mentioned, please have someone with you when you tell him it's over, or get his s*&% into bin bags and leave them somewhere neutral. Change the locks.

I'd show the footage to the police and ask them to help you escape this man. I know I'm going to sound awful here but to keep both you and the baby safe you need to vanish with your child, or pu your baby up for adoption after you vanish. What father? Baby was a result of a one night stand. No consent for adoption needed. Get family to sell or rent out your house for you. Moving firm to pack it all up. Just pack passport, important things and go. I'm so very sorry, but better now than after baby is born. Cat well if you can take him with you fab. If not cattery out of the area until you can. Leave your phone behind you, sell your car, quit your job. Move countries far away. Beg, borrow or steal the cash to do so. Close your bank acts, open a new one that he doesn't know about.

" You may be able to make a police report. They are unlikely to do anything . ."
There was a premier league footballer who was successfully prosecuted for kicking his cat across the room about 4 years ago.

Are you serious? Why should the OP upend her whole life for this poor excuse of a man? Yes, change the locks, don't put him on the birth certificate, inform the police. That's all she needs to do ffs

That's why I used the word 'eventually'. Her concerns are unlikely to get her very far.