I’ll try not to make this too long,
Been with DH 12 years, married 8, 2DDs ages 6 and 2. He works full time and I work 25 hours a week.
my DH works 6:30-2:30 Monday to Friday and I’ve noticed more and more how he has become completely seperate to us, always finding jobs to do and sneaking off away from us elsewhere in the house.
A Usual afternoon is me and DDs arriving back from nursery/school pick up at 3:30, he’s back from work and gets ready to go out to the gym, meanwhile I entertain DDs and prepare evening meal. DH will get home, have a reallllyyyy long shower, get dressed into loungewear (and in doing so will stay in our bedroom for about half and hour) by this time I’m plating up tea for me and the kids.
DH will come down and make his own meal, he says this is because he likes to make healthy meal plans and thinks the meals he has are things the kids wouldn’t like. So me and the kids will eat at the table and he will go sit on the sofa in the lounge and eat his meal.
after this he will go to the toilet for about 30 mins (takes his phone) meanwhile I’m washing the dishes and getting the kids ready for their bath/reading eldest DDs book etc.
if we are downstairs in the lounge he will lay on the sofa and start to drift off. He half asses bedtime with me (basically reads a very short story to youngest DD and lays next to her for 10 mins. Then goes off to bed himself.
after this I’ve got the rest of the housework/school and nursery pack ups, washing clothes etc to do and by the time everything is done I’m exhausted.
i feel like im a single parent (although i know it’s obviously MUCH harder to actually be a single parent) but it’s as though we are completely seperate units.
Ive spoken to him about it a few times now and he just says that he has to do things for himself because he’s working most of the day and only gets a very short amount of time to do things like shower and meal prep etc.
Ive tried telling him that im exhausted and he will just tell me to “go and see your friends one night this week” however DD6 tells me that “all daddy does is go on his phone and put TV on, he doesn’t ever take us out” he will usually get a takeaway pizza for them too, so I can’t feel relaxed on my very rare “breaks” as I’m feeling guilty for leaving DDs with a father who isn’t interested in spending time with them. Plus when I get back, the house will be absolutely chaotic and none of it will be cleaned up by him.
to be honest I’ve been living this way for so long now that I think it would actually be easier to be properly by myself. We would struggle financially, but mentally I’m breaking with the total selfishness of the situation.
Right now he’s gone off to watch tv in bed whilst I’m going to wash DDs dance uniform for tomorrow, go to Asda to get DD2 soya milk for nursery, clean the house as the kids have made a mess, iron my work shirts and put away the things clothes I’ve already washed and dried.
im sorry this is so long, I think I’ve reached my breaking point tonight and I needed to vent my frustration.