How often do you see adult dcs.

[whatisforteamum]

My ds moved out almost 3 years ago.
I thought we were close and he only moved an hour and a half away.
Obviously I missed him but got used to the quiet and rang each other every other week.
Last yr I visited him 3 times which was an achievement as I struggle with public transport and anxiety.
He came here twice.
It doesn't seem very much to me.
DD has bought a house lives 200 miles away and we see her about the same or less.
How often do you see dcs .yes I know they have their own lives.

I wouldn’t necessarily expect more visits as an hour and a half is an investment of a day and who has the time for that? Nothing stopping you ringing every other day if you wanted, though. Doesn’t have to be for long, 5 mins is enough.

You have been to his three times and he has been to yours twice. Not much difference. Presumably he is building a career and life for himself. You could go more frequently to him. Do you work / work full time?

how often have you been to visit your daughter?

i don't understand why you phone so infrequently though. Surely you can phone more.

I see DS at least once a week since he moved out. We chat every day via WhatsApp though.

I guess.I saw my parents way more.Times have changed.

How far away from your parents did you move? Did they visit you or borh?

About the same for me and my Mum who is about 40 miles away. Awful journey which takes around an hour and 20 mins each way.

I work and just don't have the time to give up a quarter of my weekend driving down there staying a few hours and driving back. She comes to see me way more which is lovely but she's retired and has more time on her hands. She did come round much more when my DC were small.

Eldest dd moved out last year. She is about 45 min away. We see her probably twice a month, mostly her visiting us due to a health issue I have. We talk on phone once or twice a week and message most days.

Do you do stuff together? Hobbies or activities? Shared interests? I think in order to stay close your relationship has to be more than people previously living together.

For example Dh loves his parents and considers them close but when he moved out at 23 (1 hour away) he would see them every month or so and tbh that was more them arranging than him because all they would do is sit and talk for a couple hours in one of their houses. They didn't really have much in common so he would sooner see mates or be with me. It improved once we had kids as we have a shared interest now.

It is normal for young adults to prioritise friends and relationships over family. You may find when /if they have kids of their own things improve.

We don't do so much 'visiting'- we tend to meet up to do stuff. Walks, birthday stuff for the whole family etc. We do have a family messenger chat which is fun.

Roughly once a week with eldest DD, she lives a similar distance away but I either go to her city or she travels to mine. Sometimes it's more as she might stay over and sometimes it can be less due to work etc, but average is about week. DD2 lives 30 mins away and I see her several times a week, I collect her and we go for a coffee before I drop her at work.

My parents live 3 hours away and I make sure I see them for an overnight stay approx every 2 months.

DH's parents live 90 minutes away and I see them about twice a year! We invite them to us regularly, but they cancel every time due to their chronic health, and as DH is away through the week with work he can't then also travel at weekends to see them.

I have a DS who lives in the same area. He moved out two years ago. I see him about twice a year which really upsets me. He doesn’t want to see us. Have two other children hundreds of miles away. One I see about. Twice a year and the other about four or five times a year. It makes me very sad.

I think parents need to make more effort as generally your child is at the point in life they are busier with work, study, children.

My parents complain we don’t visit enough.
My parents are retired with a good pension. They are free almost all year, with no work or children commitment's, so can visit anytime. They have been twice in almost 10 years . We go annually

It varies.

My daughter is at university. We message most days (although can go a couple of weeks) and she's been back twice since October for Christmas and a weekend. She is likely to get a job in her university town before she graduates and she's 2.5 hours away so I don't expect to see her often in the future tbh.

My son lives on the other side of the same town and I see him a few times a month and we also message/call each other a few times a week. Sometimes he pops over on a Sunday for a bit.

My partner and his kids (similar ages) message a few times a week if they're having an ongoing chat but can also go a couple of months or more between seeing or speaking to each other at other times.

It basically boils down to personalities, social lives, interests, work commitments and ease of commute. It's not really reflective of the closeness of the relationships.

It’s fine if your children can have you to stay but mine can’t. They don’t have the space, so the travel and accommodation costs mount up.

I feel this way too, I sort of assumed my kids would see me as much as I saw my parents.

DD lives about 45 mins away, we see her once a week, she normally comes for Sunday dinner or if she has plans at the weekend she pops round during the week or we pop in and see her
Ds1 works in New York but flies home frequently, so we probably see him once every 6 weeks or so, we have been out to see him once and my daughter has also been out to see him
ds2 is at uni 2 hours away, he probably comes home every couple of months and we go to see him as well

My parents and DB live over 200miles away. I went there 4 times last year which is 4 times more than anyone in my family came to see me!

My eldest lives in another country for her work, so our relationship is very based on phone calls. Another DD lives next door so I see her all the time haha and my DS lives 3 hours away and I make a point of going to him once every month even if it’s just taking him out for lunch if he’s busy. He comes to us for a long weekend every couple of months.

What matters is the quality of your relationship, far more than the quantity.

@itsjustthewayitwas
well yes. But also even if child doesn’t have space, majority of 20-30 year olds have high rent, high mortgage, high childcare costs, work, so they have less disposable income generally. Most parents of that age group have paid off mortgage and are retired. Or not retired but no childcare and children to support so disposable income to travel and more free time on weekends. You only have yourself to plan around, not whole family anymore

That’s true, but it’s still difficult if you have other commitments and hobbies. For instance I signed up for pottery classes once a week. They are quite expensive so I don’t want to miss a week. That made it difficult to travel to see our eldest who lives furthest away. I cancelled a term of classes so we could visit and then we both fell ill with a bug they gave us! It’s so difficult .

One around three times a year because of distance, time and busy lives. One most weeks as lives close by.

I speak to my mum on the phone most days, whatsapp every day. Aim to see her once a week - more if someone special planned. We live about 1hr15 away from each other and both make the journey/meet up half way.

If you children work full time then their weekends are precious and they’ll have their own lives to run and things to do. It’s not reasonable to expect to see them weekly or super regularly. If they are independent and living their lives you should be happy you raised them that way. I live around 80 miles from my folks and see them every 6-8 weeks but chat via WhatsApp every few days and have a FaceTime most weekends to catch up.

Dd1 about once a month. She works mon to fri and they often have weekend plans.

Dd2 currently staying at home again but when in London monthly

Ds quarterly he is at uni still. Next year he and girlfriend are moving to Bristol together so I suspect it will continue with quarterly visits

Dd3 at uni in Wales (we are in Kent) we see her summer Christmas and Easter.

We have an active family group 2 actually one with dd1s fiance and ds girlfriend in. Not a day passes without some formnof communications

I miss them yes but I am also content with how things are. My children are living and enjoying their lives.

I see my mum about once or twice a year. She lives 4 hours away and neither of us drive or have spare rooms so involved a hotel stay and we have to board pets.