How often do you see adult dcs.

[whatisforteamum]

My ds moved out almost 3 years ago.
I thought we were close and he only moved an hour and a half away.
Obviously I missed him but got used to the quiet and rang each other every other week.
Last yr I visited him 3 times which was an achievement as I struggle with public transport and anxiety.
He came here twice.
It doesn't seem very much to me.
DD has bought a house lives 200 miles away and we see her about the same or less.
How often do you see dcs .yes I know they have their own lives.

It could be something as simple as checking how they are. They could have a disability, or be in poor health, and a simple call, just to see that they are ok, is caring.

I see my Mum 1-3 Times per week. Shes 10 minutes away.

I work and have teens / dog and to be honest it can be a chore trying to get up midweek but I do try at least 2 visits during the week. One brother visits once a week and the other every 2 weeks. They are only 30 mins away from her though.

She never ever comes up to us unless it’s for Sunday dinner. It’s all me doing the work to be honest which is a bit exhausting.

She used to pop up but got the hump once when we were WFH and said we couldn’t sit and chat. She was fuming !!!

At least twice a week..but they both live a 15 walk away from me in opposite directions.
Now eldest Grandsons come and see me on their own.
Eldest sister lives 2 hours away and we visit her once a month.
Families are important to us.. we are all very close.

I listen to DM talk about who had died, who is sick, who treated her badly in the shop, who treated her nicely in the shop etc etc. I find as DM gets older she really just needs someone to listen to her

We see my parents 1-2 times per week as we live really close. We tend to do a lot with my nephew (20 months) as we all want to see him, so we visit my DPs for tea, on the day that they provide childcare for my Dsis. They cook for Dsis and BIL on the day they provide childcare, so they've extended to us too. We will also socialise at the weekends depending on plans eg a day at the farm with nephew etc.

My DH sees MIL once a week for coffee and we see her intermittently at weekends depending on what's going on. I'd guess 2 weekends per month for walks or lunch.
MIL isn't happy with this arrangement and makes DH feel incredibly guilty about this. She also compares the time spent with my parents and often comments, although it's not that different and mainly to see nephew and Dsis too.
On the day he sees MIL for coffee, he drives 1.30 mins back from work and still pops in. He doesn't get home and eat until 8.30pm on these nights. He has a 3 hour daily commute, leaving home at 6am and still never misses. The more she nags and complains about not seeing him, the less easy and comfortable it becomes. He also messages her daily.
We lost FIL 3 years ago and MIL expects DH to fill that gap. It's become incredibly hard for him. Constant guilt trips!

I see my parents, who are about the same distance away every fortnight BUT.....I no longer work full time and my Mam is terminally ill.

When I was younger it would maybe be every other month, and we lived nearer.

If communication is regular, I think you're doing ok.

Every few days as we live v close and my kids are very close to their grandparents. We also have a family watsapp to share photos of my kids - my parents need to see them daily!

DD lives a 2-3 (depending on traffic), hours drive away. Due to our work schedules and distance we see each other around 3-4 times a year. It's hard but that's life.

I work with my dad so see him most days, see my mum usually once a week, sometimes once a fortnight. My DH sees his parents most days, at least 2/3 times a week. As kids growing up we would see our grandparents at least once a week, i really hope that continues when my kids are adults. Can't imagine only seeing my parents a few times/year. We do all live within a 15 minute drive though do appreciate that makes it very different

I live 150 miles away from my parents.
Me and the kids go down to their house every school holiday and usually stay the Saturday to the Tuesday. My mum has just come to spend a few days with us last week as our half terms differed (mom is a teacher!)

So I guess we see each other at least once every six weeks, for for a few days at a time.

We also speak most days, whether a phone call or in family whatsapp group. When I did live closer (15 mins away) we would have dinner there at least once a week, and usually spend most of Saturday there

Work, the kids, how the house renovations her side are coming along, how other members of my family are, stuff we have watched or read or listened to. Just general chit chat

90 minutes away is quite a distance. You have seen each other 5 times which is just under every other month, which seems ok to me. I would message more often though. Do you stay over night when you visit?

How far did you live from your parents?

This is my question.

Tbh I find it weirder that you are questioning what people would take to the parents/children about, as if being in touch with them is abnormal.

@whatisforteamum , my elder son lives an hour and a half away from us and I’d say we see him and his family every couple of weeks, they may come to us or we go to them. A visit will always be a day and often a weekend. We have an open invitation to stay with them whenever we want and they have mentioned recently that they’re sorry we don’t do that more often. My younger son is 10 minutes maximum in the car, a half hour walk, we might see them a bit more often and we babysit when asked. They usually also come over when our elder son and family are here and then will also stay for the weekend.
I know I’m very lucky but I don’t understand adult children that rarely see their families, they (or you) could at least FaceTime regularly even if distance made frequent visits difficult.

When I was in my 20s I would say a proper hangout with my parents once a month or less in early uni. Now I'm in my 30s I see my parents most weeks.

In answer to your last point, not everyone has good relationships with their families.

I think this thread is slanted towards people who see each other a lot, I don't think this is representative of most adults.

I'm lucky that I work from home and the DD who lives 2.5 hours away works shifts, so I sometimes go up there for a couple of days mid week and work from hers, chill out with her.

DS1 I see (fleetingly) multiple times every day as he still lives at home.

DS2 is at uni in London and he's been home once In the past 6 months but DH has visited him a couple of times in that period. He face times everyday though whilst he's getting his steps in. He probably won't be living at home again as he expects a job in london when's he graduates.

I haven't seen my mum for about 12 years although we FaceTime once every few months. MIL lived next door to us for 10yrs before she died and we saw her every day.

I’m not saying being in touch is abnormal, more wondering what you talk about every day?? Maybe I just have a boring life and eat, sleep, gym, repeat that they don’t really need to know all the details of!!

Looking back, I don’t think I phoned my parents much. I didn’t visit them much either. When I had children they made it clear they didn’t welcome visits. They would visit us about twice a year . They would phone every few weeks but I had nothing to say to them really as we had no relationship. Really quite sad.

Gosh, you must have the patience of a saint!

My parents live in Southern Europe. See them a couple of times a year - it has dwindled over recent years. They would like us to visit more often, but we can't/won't manage more than a visit a year. They don't especially enjoy travelling to to the UK and, as they get older, they seem to find the visits more tiring and stressful. I try to call them about once a week but sometimes forget.

In-laws live a 15 minute drive away. I'd say we meet up about once a month, but we'll see them briefly more often than that - probably still less than once a week though. We get on well, but we're busy and they're more the kind of people who like a 'hosted visit' than to just pop in and take what you find. My SIL sees them at least once a week, and their lives are much more intertwined with each other.

Kids still live at home here, though in September the eldest will be heading off to university at the other end of the country if all goes to plan. I imagine we'll see him in the university holidays but probably be in fairly frequent text contact (we both like a silly reel).

DS lives about 240 miles away. We probably see him 3 or 4 times a year currently as he comes to see my sick widowed elderly father sometimes to help out instead of coming to see us. He lives over 200 miles from either of us. We talk a lot.