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Original poster

Date talking about kissing before the first date

103 replies

Sunshine386 · 23/02/2025 23:50

I'm late thirties, due to go on a date with a man who is looking for something long term on a paid dating app. We haven't met in person yet, we are due to meet in a bar soon and the issue is he is talking about his ideal date of us having lots of conversation and kissing and saying he finds me hot. These are as voice notes on whatsapp because he prefers them to writing messages.

Would anyone else find this uncomfortable given we haven't met yet? Although I like his photos, with online dating you can't tell if there's a spark or desire to kiss until you meet so I find him describing this a bit strange and putting pressure on the situation at this stage. But I can't tell if he's doing this to appear enthusiastic rather than intentionally being weird. What do others think, would it put you off meeting someone who was doing this?

OP posts:
Hollyhedge · 23/02/2025 23:53

This is a massive ick to me.

confusedlots · 23/02/2025 23:53

Oh that would totally put me off and I'd probably make up some excuse to cancel the date if it was me!

Cardinalita90 · 23/02/2025 23:53

That'd be too much for me and give me the ick. You say you're not sure if he's trying to show enthusiasm but he's in his 30s - he should know the appropriate way to show enthusiasm and this ain't it! I'd bin him off- you don't need to educate him and also imagine the awkwardness if you go and don't feel like kissing him!

Hollyhedge · 23/02/2025 23:55

It would be right off. But I know others disagree. I just feel like I want to chat and get to know someone. How can you think about kissing before you meet. It’s too forward for me

SleepPrettyDarling · 23/02/2025 23:56

Absolutely offputting.

TomatoSandwiches · 23/02/2025 23:56

I'd not bother with this one, manipulative or a letch, no thanks.

TomatoSandwiches · 23/02/2025 23:57

And voice notes? 🤢🤮🤮🤮

PineappleCoconut · 23/02/2025 23:58

Nobody has time for voice notes

That alone would have me running

He probably can't spell Grin

Original poster
Sunshine386 · 23/02/2025 23:59

I'm used to just going with the flow, if a kiss happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't, I've never had someone describe it before a date. It also makes me wonder if it became a dating thing whether he'd be pushy about having sex earlier than is comfortable

OP posts:
Sockmate123 · 23/02/2025 23:59

Ick!!!!

BatchCookBabe · 24/02/2025 00:00

Urgh he sounds infantile. Is it Jay from the Inbetweeners?! 😕

CandyLeBonBon · 24/02/2025 00:02

Yep too pushy.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 24/02/2025 00:24

These are as voice notes on whatsapp because he prefers them to writing messages.

Icky messages aside, this man is clearly a sociopath.

BettyBardMacDonald · 24/02/2025 00:52

Cancel.

Decent man would be curious about you as a person and potential friend. Not assume a physical relationship with someone he doesn't even know.

How repugnant and disgusting.

StarlightLady · 24/02/2025 05:29

It wouldn’t be a good start for me. I think l’d be even more put off by being called “hot”. And l say this as someone who, on occasion, has unashamedly had sex on a first date

Depending on other conversations with him, l would either cancel or simply say let’s hold back on chatting about kissing etc for now and focus on finding out about each other. Good luck OP. x

Chizzlers · 24/02/2025 05:34

Massive turn off.

springintoaction321 · 24/02/2025 05:37

Creep!

And yuck - there would be no first date here.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 24/02/2025 05:40

Telling a "girl" what will happen in advance to coerce her into going along with it irl when you meet sounds like one of those shitty tactics from a book like "the game" (writer was the OG andrew tate)

Boundary pushing and red flag central + the ick for me.

Cancel date and block.

Chicheguevara · 24/02/2025 06:03

It’s weird. I wouldn’t be going on that first date. I would also be blocking him PDQ. I felt all squicky just reading your post.

Bythewayimgoingouttonight · 24/02/2025 06:05

Cancel. He’s probably married and just looking for sex. Speaking from bitter experience btw.

marriednotdead · 24/02/2025 06:19

My take on voice notes is that they are used by people who either can’t spell, like the sound of their own voices or don’t want their monologue to be interrupted.
No part of that list is attractive so even without the kissing talk I wouldn’t be going anywhere with him!

StuH1 · 24/02/2025 06:19

Trust your gut feeling, if it's making you uncomfortable don't meet him.
The strangest thing I had before a first date was when the woman put her 4 year old daughter on the phone to talk to me saying "say hello to uncle Stu"
This was in the morning when we were supposed to be meeting that night!!

LoveWatchingTheSea · 24/02/2025 06:23

ick ick ick…

WinterFoxes · 24/02/2025 06:31

Cancel the date. You are not a person he is keen to meet. You are a void for him to pour his fantasies into.

LovelyDaaling · 24/02/2025 06:33

He's desperate for sex and wants to hurry things along. Probably not remotely interested in you as a person. Avoid.