Date talking about kissing before the first date

[Sunshine386]

I'm late thirties, due to go on a date with a man who is looking for something long term on a paid dating app. We haven't met in person yet, we are due to meet in a bar soon and the issue is he is talking about his ideal date of us having lots of conversation and kissing and saying he finds me hot. These are as voice notes on whatsapp because he prefers them to writing messages.

Would anyone else find this uncomfortable given we haven't met yet? Although I like his photos, with online dating you can't tell if there's a spark or desire to kiss until you meet so I find him describing this a bit strange and putting pressure on the situation at this stage. But I can't tell if he's doing this to appear enthusiastic rather than intentionally being weird. What do others think, would it put you off meeting someone who was doing this?

we really do need a ‘puke face’ emoji on the mumsnet react list!😂

I wouldn’t like this at all. It sounds like he’s trying to make it known what he’s expecting on the date ie sex and is testing out if you’re on board with it. I’d be tempted to cancel to be honest

I think it is the kind of behaviour of someone who will push for a kiss and claim he was up front and honest from the get go.

Creepy as fxxk.

While I am not defending man (see earlier post) I have ADHD and dyslexia and I use voice notes rather than messages if I am doing more than just one line or if I am engaging in a conversation as I find it much harder to message than to speak. Not saying this is the case here but people do communicate in different ways and I hope I don't give anyone the 'ick'!!

That’s actually shocking ! Poor kid .
Did you actually still go on the date ?

I didn't no, felt really uncomfortable if I'm honest

It is off putting and quite a few men seem to do this. Plus they think it's okay nowadays. And if they get away with it then they will continue the same way.

Mind you some hold back then are full on afterwards.

The guy I have been seeing he didn't do any of that at the beginning.
We didn't even kiss on the first date, it was 2/3rd time, but by then the suspense had been building up and it was great when it happened.
Plus for me, it's something that is very important like in terms of intimacy with the person, if he'd kissed me and it was terrible that would have been a no for me.

I would tell him straight you didn't like the bit he said about kissing and see what he says, you have to set boundaries from the start.

this letchy. as you say - he doesn't know if there will be a real connection until you meet. He is getting turned on and excited - probably a porn addict.

That would put me right off - yuck. As would voice notes, lol. He’s gagging for a shag. I’d avoid.

Join the Burned Haystack Dating Method group on FB and you'll learn why you shouldn't bother meeting him

I agree with a poster that this is actually very manipulative. Now, if you go on the date and don't want to kiss he'll be complaining "but we agreed this was the plan."

Run a mile. First dates should be about seeing if you connect. If a kiss (or more) happens and you're both happy, brilliant. But the kiss (or more) should not be the core objetive.

I actually agree with the others on this. Don’t go on the date.

There are some men who really only want sex on a first date and so hope that if they can get to kissing early on it may lead to sex, and even if it only leads to nearly sex, it may be worth a second date.

Of course, not all men are like this and there are genuine guys who do actually want a long term relationship. But you won’t know until you actually spend considerable time with him.

Some men will try to push your boundaries early on - how you react will tell them how easy it will be to overcome your resistance.

So, if you are worried that you may regret not giving him a chance - then reply now stating kissing on a first date is a definite No for you. How he reacts will tell you everything about him.

Lol at the romanticising of a bloke who just wants to get laid and has absolutely no plan to be discerning about it.

Try to dial back from fantasising op and look really closely at what this man is actually communicating.

Absolutely not.

This is good advice for dating in general.

It's all about what he wants isn't it? Voice notes are time consuming and pushy messages about kissing a stranger show his expectations are off.

I met some like this. IME they don't often go anywhere as they have very fixed ideas about what they want and it isn't unusually to meet someone and get to know them, see how it goes etc. It's a sign of immaturity and actually not being open to dating.

If it was me, I wouldn't bother with this one. Anyone mature, such as you, knows that talking about kissing or the future before an OLD is inappropriate as you may meet and however gorgeous I'm sure you are, you may simply not fancy each other.

There was a Youtube about this.

All dating sites are rather like a harem for the other sex...

So a person who is very good looking can date most of the people on the site, so if they date someone who is near by or available who is only normal, or less attractive but it willing to visit for sex, then gets no 2nd date.
The very attractive person , never runs out of options. Deliverwho where they pick of dates like meals.
The normal person, is fine and finally partners up long term.
The less attractive person only ever has 1st dates, refuses dates they should have gone for as they think they deserve better , and finally ends up alone, as too old.

Ha ha. So was in a pub garden on a first date. Guy tried to move his hands under my skirt. I stopped him and he said us British women are uptight and our culture stops us loosening up. What a t*

That would really put me off.
I would call the date off.
Things like a kiss need to happen naturally if there's chemistry between the two people and the anticipation is part of the appeal.
Talking about it beforehand ruins all of that and puts far too much pressure that a kiss will happen. You might meet and think absolutely no way. He's being too forward and presumptuous.

I…there are no words! 😶 🤣

Yes - classic “test and apologise” but with this one there is no apology. If OP tells him no kissing and he apologises, the test is real, the apology is not.

It's not mature, gentlemanly behaviour. Nor is it endearing or sexy. It's somewhat desperate and lecherous. I would cancel for this reason.

Enthusiasm can be easily demonstrated by consistency, reliability, showing an interest etc. Not sexual voice notes, bleurgh. Absolutely not.

Next!

He's making huge assumptions, isn't he, thinking you will want to kiss him? No, keep away from this one. And the voice notes can be nice, but I'd be turned off by a voice note from a stranger talking about how he was going to kiss me.