Date talking about kissing before the first date

[Sunshine386]

I'm late thirties, due to go on a date with a man who is looking for something long term on a paid dating app. We haven't met in person yet, we are due to meet in a bar soon and the issue is he is talking about his ideal date of us having lots of conversation and kissing and saying he finds me hot. These are as voice notes on whatsapp because he prefers them to writing messages.

Would anyone else find this uncomfortable given we haven't met yet? Although I like his photos, with online dating you can't tell if there's a spark or desire to kiss until you meet so I find him describing this a bit strange and putting pressure on the situation at this stage. But I can't tell if he's doing this to appear enthusiastic rather than intentionally being weird. What do others think, would it put you off meeting someone who was doing this?

The voice notes would give me the ick never mind the rest!

Voice notes. Ugh. Bin.

The profile suggests looking for long term and he's a creative type so I thought perhaps he thinks that describing the kissing is somehow sensual or something, however it just puts pressure on that a kiss will happen when the reality is the online dates are hit or miss.

That sounds like BS sorry OP. Creative people talk about kissing before a date??!! It reminds me of the guy who said it was a cultural barrier that I didn’t want his hands in my pants 🤣🤣

I’m sorry, what?! Please tell us more about this date! 🤣

Nah he's clearly desperate as anything for something physical, sounds like a horny teenager not a 30 odd year old man looking for something serious.

With it being through voice notes he's probably hoping for you to engage in some kind of phone sex and this is his way of easing you in, bleurgh.

There's better options out there op

Would anyone else find this uncomfortable given we haven't met yet?

Yes. I wouldn’t go on the date, if I were you.

I find men online do this about sex. Go on and on before you’ve even met and put the pressure on.

I told one guy I found it off putting to talk about sex in graphic detail before we had even met and he said, ‘Sorry I completely misread the signals.’ We had only been texting and I looked back at the conversations and there were no signals whatsoever.

Anyway I would be put off too if I were you.

They all say they’re looking long term then suddenly remember after sex they’re actually not

I’ve been told by men that saying they’re looking for a relationship attracts better quality women (I’m quoting don’t flame me)

Me too. I had a lunch date with a man who tried to snog me in the café. I made my excuses and we went to our cars. He had cleared the back seat of his manky old car “so we can have a kiss and a cuddle.” I said absolutely no way, got into my car and drove off. I recommend you join Burned Haystack Dating on Facebook or Instagram. This one would be a block to burn - just block, no explanation. Let him figure it out himself.

Yes - he absolutely would push for sex. Don’t go on the date. Tell him you need to fly to New Jersey for work, or just block him. You owe him nothing.

More red flags than Moscow

My friend had one date with a man who walked her back to her car and then asked if she fancied climbing into the back seat of his so she could ‘unleash his beast’

Funnily enough she declined

Urgh, who talks about kissing? Sounds like a teenager, and a young one at that!

If he’s pushing your boundaries now, there’s a good chance it will only get worse in person.

Ugh. I did a paid for site for about 4 weeks before I met my now fiance on the same sight and the amount of men on there who talked about kissing or sex before meeting was amazing. I went on three dates, and all three went in for massive snogs only about 30 minutes into the date, also tried to hold hands when you barely know each other. Not sure if i am a prude but I want to get to know someone a bit more before having loads of snogs! Weirdly though with my now fiance, he was away on a four month assignment when we first met so we had to just email, message and face time for four months. We couldnt do anything else and actually it was really nice to get to know someone that way. And then when I did meet him for the first date we did kiss at the end but I felt like I knew him well by then. Bin him, if he is talking about it now he will absolutely want it.

Honestly OP, run. I know exactly the type and I ignored that gut feeling too many times.
One of which had me sitting in a pub while he continued that kind of ick conversation at me, and tried putting his hand on my knee despite no encouragement from me to do so.
I had to be very firm I was leaving and wasn't comfortable etc. and thought I'd gotten through to him, only to be sent a series of dick pics from him on the train home.
Best case scenario at the moment is you are too different in your values.

These men make me gayer by the day 🤣

You'll probably find that he won't even go on a date with you... had similar experiences where they were basically sending flirty messages and getting off on them and then they wouldn't commit to a date, or it would be cancelled at the last minute!

I suspect that you are right that he believes he's being 'somehow sensual' or romantic, but any man whose idea of romance was to send voice notes about 'lots of kissing' would immediately make my legs snap shut like a clothes peg for all eternity. He sounds like Swiss Tony from The Fast Show. Get rid of him now.

To be honest I'd have ditched him the moment it became clear that he preferred voice notes to normal messaging. He's a wrong'un.

I would beware any man talking about physical attraction when they haven't met you yet - calling you 'hot' when he's only seen photographs (not that you AREN'T hot, obviously, OP) means that he's doing a lot of fantasising already. It also means that he's going to go for the kissing etc when he does meet you, even if he doesn't fancy you as much in real life, because he's already TOLD you that he's going to (he wouldn't want to disappoint you now, would he?)

He's already decided who you are, what you like and that he wants sex with you. Your mileage may vary.

Huge turn off. I wouldn't progress to the date.

A guy I was chatting to on tinder that I was happy to have a date with then said to me "on our date you can drink my special milky"....

He just wants to get laid.

Talks about kissing 🤢
Only voice notes 🙄 🤢
Throw this one back OP. If he’s being so forward on voice notes then imagine what he’s going to be like in person. Either that or he’s using this whole build up as some kind of weird wank fodder.

The voice notes are probably because he can’t type one handed while is other hand is busy 🤢