I know I’m likely to get some judgement here and I accept that. I really am just looking for advice or support as feeling very low and overwhelmed.
DH and I have a 17 year age gap and got together when I was 21. We have two teens, DS18 and DD15.
Things have been difficult in our marriage for a while, much was due to our DD15 having to move schools after her first boyfriend assaulted her and harassed her. I found it difficult as I had witnessed DV as a child and also experienced it in my first relationship as a teen. Trying to help DD was one of the worst things I’ve been through and DD felt DH didn’t support her/us.
DH was also quite abusive to me in the early days of our relationship, awful name calling when I was pregnant and only 23, making me sleep on the sofa when I was overdue etc. I put this to one side as he made efforts to change and really seemed like he had. But the way he put his head in the sand over what DD was going through reminded me of the behaviour.
Last summer my estranged dad died, which was tough for me and I started becoming closer with a work colleague my own age and completely fell for him, I do regret this and it was awful thing to do when married. I tried to leave my husband in September but he smashed the TV, threw pizza and wine and called me all the names under the sun for 48 hours. I ended up fleeing to a hotel with DD.
This all caused my son to stop speaking to me so after a stint of me living in an Airbnb I came back home and tried to work on my marriage. We got marriage counselling and I have my own counselling. DH took 4 months off work with stress and started antidepressants.
However the outbursts from DH have continued, he took no notice of anything the marriage counsellor said. Everything culminated in him going through my phone on Sunday night while I was asleep after wine. He woke me up and started to be abusive, calling me worthless, I was trying to grab my phone as he held it away, eventually got it, grabbed my charger, put my shoes on and ran to the front door.
He then pushed me from behind so I fell face first onto laminate floor and gave me two loose teeth and a bump on the head, I fled and called 999 and he was arrested.
on Sunday I attended an emergency dentist and have had to have my teeth repositioned and splinted (brace like thing across my front 6 teeth) which has cost £3.5k and there will likely be more costs if I need root canal.
I did not press charges and let him stay at the family home, I am currently sofa surfing. The police told me that DH claimed he acted in self defence as I was ‘attacking him’ and he tapped me lightly to get me away. The police don’t really believe it though as the injury is so bad to my face and head, I was clearly pushed from behind. DH cannot contact me as part of his bail conditions and they appointed our DS18 as the liaison person between us to discuss care of DD and finances, but DS will not speak to me and has had a row with DD and told DD that the assault was justified.
I don’t know what to do if I need to liaise with DH because our son is clearly not the person for this role. The police haven’t called me back when I asked them about this.
DD has heard DH say that he hopes I hang myself in a hotel room but she is too scared to come and stay with me because it will look like she is taking sides. DS is very much on DH’s ‘side’ and believes him. I wish DD could be with me but she won’t.
my workplace have been good and given me the week off work but I am so overwhelmed. I don’t really have family, I’m an only child. I am sorry this was long but I needed to get it out.
Also, so I don’t drip feed, DH left his ex in the past for someone else, she is the mother of his other kids. She was pregnant too and as a result two of the kids don’t see him, so he does know what it’s like to fall for someone else. He hasn’t been a saint or anything when it comes to fidelity.