Partner depressed about money - should I use my savings

[Lara35]

Long story short ish
two kids and been together many years

partner never been a saver so after bills etc not much left from wages. He has No savings .
I am now housewife used to work and saved when younger I have around 12k in savings which I had locked away but now can access.
I offered to buy him an expensive coat he likes as he needs a decent coat I said it would be a gift but he said no and he feels like a failure if I buy him stuff.
He’s been depressed for around a year and on pills . I offered to pay the council tax bill in full to help but he’s reluctant also I could some of my savings over the next few months as a lot of due car insurance, mot, service , all bills etc

should I use my savings to pay all these things ? Should I buy him the coat ?
i don’t mind using my savings but unsure as he never learns to budget well or put money aside each month and he says he feels like a failure if I pay , now we have this massive bills coming in which will total around £4K - 4.5 k ( coucil tax, car tax / insurance, service , mot & other bills )

I am a person who likes to pay stuff off annually to get the best price , he likes monthly as only way he can afford it .

Why isn’t your money pooled?
In don’t understand this at all
is he not working and you’re not working?

Basically no...he needs to sort out his saving ethic and if not enough money, look at how he increases his income. You need a rainy day fund

That bill coming in is very high
if you do pay it off you can’t replenish your savings and he’s been bailed out
You both need a very serious chat about money but you’re both in very precarious places

You need to hang on to your savings but go back to work in order to pool your wages.

Sounds like the issue is the depression- he's not just going to cheer up. Is he working?

Yes, do it.

It's family money.

Sorry to explain more - he works full time I no longer work , he didn’t want to pool money we have separate accounts . My savings have been in a locked account until last year , I no longer work and am a housewife we get a small amount of uc and child benefit.

Better you work surely than just use savings. If the finances are causing him this much stress I don’t see you can afford to no work.

He cannot afford to pay all the household bills. You need to go back to work. Do not use your savings for monthly bills. That is madness. What happens next month?

So he is a low earner as well?

get back to work.

We have a child with additional needs ( not diagnosed ) so I’ve been staying at home and being a housewife , both children are in school so I could get a part time job during the day there is not many available for the school hours but I will definitely have another look

Get back to work. Savings are finite, wages carry on.

And push like buggery to get a diagnosis if one is warranted. You have to be a total PITA if you are a SEN parent.

You definitely need to go back to work. For a start your family is struggling financially but mostly because you have two children with a man who is unable to budget or save and you need to have some financial independent.

Absolutely not.

Otherwise you're savings will be gone and the bills will still come and he still won’t be able to budget!

As a partner with two kids you’re in a bad position money wise
Marriage would give you some financial and legal protection

he needs to sort the depression uergently

He insists on using his wage to cover everything but it’s getting too much hence why I’ve said I’ll pay with my savings but I do hope he learns to budget better he is depressed and I’ve talked to him before about him going part time ( he’s not overly happy with his job ) and I’ll go full time but he says no. So I’m unsure how to help him tbh.

yes fairly low (£1700-1800 a month approx earner hence why we get a small amount of uc .

Unfair to say budget better- that’s a very small wage

Is his lack of money a result of him being irresponsible with money or a genuine issue of cost of living or short term reduction in wages or something? If the former then bailing him/the household out this month will just delay the inevitable and burn through your savings.

Can you take control of household finances? Seems you are the better saver and have time while kids are in school. Also yes to getting a job. Cleaner/caterer/dinner lady jobs are often school hours and flexible. This is a good idea regardless of whether dp is good with money.

Also how is it possible for you to be a sahm when you have seperate finances exactly...? Do you not spend any money? Are you using your savings?

Don’t use your savings, you don’t have much. Get a job, either during school hours or evenings, it sounds like the pressure of paying for everything is too much for him and he doesn’t earn enough. There must be jobs around that you can do.

No he is a low earner with no savings and bad with money. Marriage to him is a liability.

op, you do not need his permission to go back to work.

You don't need his say so to get a job. It will help family finances, take the pressure off him and give you some stability and security for your future, pension etc . 12k savings is nothing and could be wiped out with a big household bill. If childcare costs are an issue then you would get help with those through UC.

How much does he earn and what are the outgoings. He may never have been much of a saver but would it even be possible to save money right now, when he is the only earner for a family of four. Using savings for normal household bills isn’t wise, it sounds like more money needs to be coming in regularly.

I’m not sure he’s bad with money, he’s supporting a family of 4 with a moderate wage.

You both need to have a rethink about your finances and work situation. You don’t have to have a school hours only job, you can explore before and after school child care options like loads of people do.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to use your savings for bills which you should be covering from monthly income. You don’t make that much of a saving paying bills annually rather than monthly and could probably be making up any difference through interest/investing your money.

Better you find a way of helping your partner budget better (separate bank accounts are fine but a joint bills account is often a good idea if one of you struggles to budget) and if it’s really tight look at how to increase your joint income somehow.

On the other hand, if you’re planning on working again in the next year or so then maybe using some savings to make things easier on you all is a good idea - most people use savings to get through maternity leave/early child rearing years - but if you don’t have plans to return to work then you need to hold of to those savings to give yourself a cushion - unexpected costs always come up over time and better to have savings to dip into then than have to go into debt.

If you spend all those savings, you'll still have a depressed partner that can't budget well and no savings.