Partner depressed about money - should I use my savings

[Lara35]

Long story short ish
two kids and been together many years

partner never been a saver so after bills etc not much left from wages. He has No savings .
I am now housewife used to work and saved when younger I have around 12k in savings which I had locked away but now can access.
I offered to buy him an expensive coat he likes as he needs a decent coat I said it would be a gift but he said no and he feels like a failure if I buy him stuff.
He’s been depressed for around a year and on pills . I offered to pay the council tax bill in full to help but he’s reluctant also I could some of my savings over the next few months as a lot of due car insurance, mot, service , all bills etc

should I use my savings to pay all these things ? Should I buy him the coat ?
i don’t mind using my savings but unsure as he never learns to budget well or put money aside each month and he says he feels like a failure if I pay , now we have this massive bills coming in which will total around £4K - 4.5 k ( coucil tax, car tax / insurance, service , mot & other bills )

I am a person who likes to pay stuff off annually to get the best price , he likes monthly as only way he can afford it .

I was thinking this about council tax. You don’t get charged more to pay it monthly

I do it over 10mths as like 2mths free

but many friends do over 12

but there is no interest

things like house /car insurance do have interest but it’s a few pounds a month if that

far better to pay it monthly and keep the savings

Could you get him the coat as an early Christmas or birthday present? Why don't you try and do a budget together and then you could ring- fence x amount of money for all the essentials. Good luck getting a job within the school day. I'm sure it'll take a bit of the pressure off the both of you. xx

should I buy him the coat too. He is down the last week about it but says he will feel like a failure if I buy him it .

OP you seem itching to spend some of the savings. Respect that he’s said no thank you this time and was kind of you to offer. £1k@ is not much at 18. You’d be better increasing the family monthly income and building up your savings. As it is what’s his is for the family and it’s no wonder he’s depressed working but not able to make it to the end of the month. The household income is low so not really a budget as much as an income issue.

I offered to buy him an expensive coat he likes as he needs a decent coat

You're on one income and am early struggling with bills, he doesn't need an expensive coat out of your savings, he just needs a warm one. Look on Vinted.

Well done for planning to go back to work-that's the most sensible solution.

No, don't do it because soon all your money will be gone and you'll be in the same position he is.

It sounds like he is doing his best to support 4 with a modest wage .
Can you sit down together and do a full budget? Make a longterm plan. And any major bills that he won't be able to cover you help with .

Surely you should both be budgeting, as a team?

If one partner could have been contributing to savings and has chosen not to, then the other partner’s savings are not family money!

You need to get a job. State benefits do not exist to enable you to “be a housewife”.

He sounds like a hard working, honourable man. No wonder he's depressed that his wages can't support four. You need to get back to work pronto and help.

There’s no such thing as a housegirlfriend, OP. I laugh at you describing him as “old fashioned” when you’re not married.

To be honest, he sounds bad with money but I’d be depressed too if I I were trying to supporting myself and three dependents on such low wage.

Look at working evenings and weekends. You’ll be able to work full time hours or close to this while he minds the kids. It’s what many people have to do.

Also, there’s no point having £1,000 each locked away for the kids if you’re not going to be able to contribute to increasing it regularly. By the time they’re 18, inflation will have eroded it. You’re better off using it now to help clear debt.

No. Don’t touch your savings - currently they’re your family’s ONLY savings! They’re for an emergency. If he’s unable to save from his income then you need to either take part in your family’s finances and save as a team, bring your spending down or go back to work.

What happens if he dies? Or leaves? You must keep some money as an emergency fund.

This is silly - his very low wage doesnt support 4 to the tune of 4k, you've got 3yrs of that before the savings run out and you've got nothing for an emergency. It's not sustainable. You need to work.

You need to sit down and have a proper conversation about finances

he should see his GP about the depression

i agree about the savings… it’s difficult but would be better if you worked during the school hours.

I know. No wonder the country is skint and we have a spiralling welfare bill. Other people are putting their kids in childcare to work and pay tax to fund this lifestyle choice.

Council tax etc should be just paid monthly and insurance etc the same though

Stop trying to throw your savings away!! Keep them for emergencies!! Once they are gone they are gone!!! You ARE working by looking after the children with additional needs and the house and paying your UC over - work out what you’d have from UC if you start working out of the house as you may actually end up worse off!!

You need to work FT asap. Maybe some hours in school time + evening or weekend work. Your current financial situation has imminent disaster written all over it. Why are you not urgently looking for work? Why are you not married? Is he not committed to you? Why are you complying with your partner's risky 'staying at home' idea when he is not protecting you and your children? What if he disappeared or fell ill? Has he/have you got pension provision, sickness/ death insurance? His depression is totally understandable. Action on the above will solve that faster than you using your savings.

You could happily go back to work part time and contribute to the budget.
You could enjoy it:

Mow lawns
prune roses
shower older people
clean houses for painters, builders etc

Encourage DH to seek professional help for depression.
When you are both happier, everythiong will seem better.

Absolutely do not buy him a coat out of your savings. He can sell some games. I don’t think you should use your savings at all, but you do need a job. He can get over his breadwinner hang up - if you want to be the breadwinner then earn enough and don’t chuck it away on games.

Op, your partner will need to swallow his pride. You either go back to work or use your savings.
Third option is play the lottery and hope to win- not really a realistic option.
I am not good at budgeting either but I make sure I make enough money to have enough left after I paid the bills.

Why are people slating this man for his financial situation. She said after his wages there’s not much left which implies he works. He’s the only one working and paying the bills and there isn’t much left afterwards. You should absolutely use your savings to help cover some of the larger bills which can be paid in full ie the council for the year/ car insurance and then go back to work yourself to help contribute to bills

Zombie thread ...

There’s no way one partner should be depress over over money while they other is sitting sweet on savings.