Dating apps so grim!

[Nelly10]

I’ve started the year with a good mindset I went back on bumble a month ago to see what if any guys looked ok.

My age range is late thirties to early 50s it’s so grim.

I would say the majority are not looking after themselves.

Lots of filtered pictures (even though they put in the bio not into filtered pictures)

Profile pics with a fish
Terrible quality pictures (really close up/sunglasses on)
really bad poses (just have normal pictures?)

The bio’s are horrific
Don't want any drama
You can buy the drinks if you don’t look like your pics (until you do!) I’ve read this 100s of times
I don’t want anyone vanilla! We all know what that means don’t we!

Honestly I know some really decent men in my family and friends but from what I can see literally none on these apps.

Im trying to broaden my interests outside but wow this positive mindset is hard to keep in the dating world!

surely these men aren’t getting anywhere with anyone?

Ah the old combat style shorts with dirty trainers really attractive 😂

Men seem to want women who take four hours to get ready, yet manage to look as though it's just 'a little something I slipped on' and the make up is so subtle that it's invisible. Yet as soon as they are in a relationship with you they want you to get ready in ten minutes!

I went on a date a couple of years ago and the bloke looked like he’d just woken up on a skip Grubby jumper, jeans that looked like he’d had them on for a month and scuffed trainers - and had the cheek to tell me my dress was ‘a bit much’ for a date! It was a normal midi dress with a checked pattern!

I also had a date last year with a bloke who turned up wearing a football shirt, knee length sorts and flip flops

And this is them creating a good first impression

I've yet to meet a man who expects a woman to turn up on a date with her hair done, lots of makeup, nails, etc.

Horses are better than fish. Fact.

(I don’t mind a fisherman though personally)

Seriously? I’ve yet to meet a man who doesn’t expect a woman to look well groomed on a date and I’m pushing 60.

But tbh o do t think many women would go on a first date without making effort with their appearance - men not so much

Any man that dates a women with horses will always come second to the horse and be expected to take a full role maintaining and mucking out the stables even if he never gets to ride the animal.

A women on a horse is a bigger dating red flag than a man holding a fish. Fact.

But it would be the same if she ran a farm or a childcare (after you've been vetted of course). If you get with someone you love sometimes you adopt their lifestyle and hopefully support their passions. It's only a red flag if you think committing to someone means they only serve your needs. Or, you know, you hate horses.

And so many dudes love football so much that it takes over their lives. Yet, women date them. And you can't 'not get involved' because its always on the tv or they are talking about it or their friends are round watching it with them. Or it's match day and your stuck with all the household drugery while they go get steaming.

Give me horse woman any day over that!
At least you can have a roll about in the hay after you've mucked out.

I also like the ‘intimacy without commitment’ and ‘open to kids’ when there all getting on sorry but come on guys please do better.

REALLY?? I don't wear make up, never have. Just about every man I have met (I'm not dating any more though) has remarked on it. And if I were going on a first date with someone, you bet I'd have my hair done - either cut if it needed it, or coloured. I'm not going to rock up straight from a dog walk with my hair on sideways.

And I don't know any women who wouldn't pull out the stops. Ok, some men can't tell when someone is wearing make up, especially if it's subtle, but if a woman turns up without any - men comment. Trust me.

Personally, I'd prefer the 'straight from dog walk' look to 'done up', but then I'm not looking for someone 'girly'.

My idea of a good first date would be a visit to a gallery, museum, or historic site, not a posh restaurant - I want good conversation, stimulated by interesting surroundings. It's also nice to see what people actually look like 👀

Personally, I'd prefer the 'straight from dog walk' look to 'done up', but then I'm not looking for someone 'girly'.

My idea of a good first date would be a visit to a gallery, museum, or historic site, not a posh restaurant - I want good conversation, stimulated by interesting surroundings. It's also nice to see what people actually look like 👀

You think women only do their hair and make up and wear nice outfits if their date is a ‘posh restaurant’ or if they’re ‘girly’ (whatever than means)?

And seriously I don’t know a single woman who would turn up on a first date straight from a dog walk - it doesn’t happen regardless of the setting.

Wearing make up isn't 'done up'. I wonder how many women you know who are wearing quite a lot of make up but you can't tell? A lot of men think most women don't wear make up because they don't know how it's done. Make up isn't plastered on like a drag queen and a woman can wear make up without looking 'girlie' or 'done up'. I just don't think you'd know.

Did you miss the inverted commas around 'girly'? We all know what it means.

Everyone should make a reasonable effort to look OK on a date, and much depends upon context, but getting a hair do might be a bit excessive.

Did you miss the inverted commas around 'girly'? We all know what it means.

Everyone should make a reasonable effort to look OK on a date, and much depends upon context, but getting a hair do might be a bit excessive.

I had a partner for thirty-odd years who never felt the need for makeup, so I have a reasonably good idea of how people look without it.

One lady I had a date with had so much foundation on that I'd have either slid off or stuck to her if we'd touched 😃

No we don’t all know what girly means because you’re talking about grown adult women and to describe a mature woman in a term that describes a child is pretty patronising, derogatory and offensive tbh

And you think women washing and drying their hair for a date is a bit excessive? Ok then.

But this is what always happens on these threads. Women talk about their experiences and along comes a bloke to mansplain where we’re all going b wrong to to tell us ‘women are worserer’

Every single time

Every thread along come the men to tell us where we’re going wrong. It’s regular as clockwork

Against my better judgment I downloaded a dating app. Match with a guy, all going well. We had similar core values and political views (personally important to me) bla bla bla. Day three of talking he randomly tells me he’s having a wank at 5pm 🙃

Thats me done for another year 🤣

I was in my late 40's when I met my partner on tinder. I was attracted to him as he chose photos that showed him doing his hobby which is cycling (important I met someone with their own interests outside a relationship), a daft photo of him wearing beer goggles laughing, one of him and his beautiful dog and another of him in Barcelona. Profile said he was no longer a clubber but enjoyed early evening food and drink. All boxes ticked. But I've seen all the crass profiles OP mentions too

Oh my goodness, it's grim. Try doing it when you're 55!

I've moved areas quite a long way so I thought I would have another go if nothing else I thought I might make some friends which I have done previously on dating apps

Absolutely horrific one man ghosted me literally out of the blue, we had been chatting for weeks and weeks met a couple of times he left me a lovely voice note on Saturday night and I never heard from him again?!

The next guy had completely and utterly lied about himself. He was about 6 inches shorter than he said for starters and it was clear all he was interested in was sex.

And finally, I met a mansplainer. He was really fun and cheeky in messages and I really don't mind that at all however in person he was really really dull - there are things I now know about solar farms and wind turbines that I didn't actually ever feel I needed to learn about.

So I've actually decided to use a paid site and I've signed up for six months. But even that is shocking the people I'm getting recommended to me are just not my sort of person at all!

I give up if anyone knows any fun, properly single, solvent guys in the Leeds area DM me 🤣

It isn't really dating sites that are the problem. It's men. As a cohort. NAMALT.

But the problem is you're not really allowed to think that, say that, without being accused of misandry. Men will of course insist women are just as bad, but they're simply not.

I went for a walk this morning. I passed about 12 people. One bloke hacking and spitting on the ground. Two male cyclists who expected me to jump in the river I think so that their journey wasn't impeded. 1 bloke was a big dog off lead who couldn't give a shit that he jumped at people. 2 nice blokes and 6 women all who pleasantly said good morning.

As you get older, and the desire for sex dwindles, women simply don't need men. Female friends are better company, and we're perfectly capable of looking after our own houses.

Advice I would now give any woman is simply not to bother. Learn to be happy single. Hobbies, friends, peace.

I think the make up / no make up etc is really dependent on the man and the woman some do some don’t, some like it some don’t, but the world would be boring if we all liked the same thing.

Ive Xd men who are mid late 50s and say they are open to children because clearly that means they want someone younger than 51.

im currently on hinge and chatting to a few men ( really for bored evenings as Netflix is broken and I don’t like soaps ha), one seems damaged, one seems to play golf all the time, another looking forward to being retired… can’t even remember anything about the other two, its like pulling teeth though!

Yes it does seem really mean, but I feel similar. I live in a pretty nice area of a big city, and I do notice men when I'm out and about - compared to women, a really significant proportion of men don't appear to look after themselves well at all, I'm not talking about being buff or dressed up, just having a passing acquaintance with a washing machine and soap. Many look the worse for wear from drugs or alcohol. Many are selfish and expect you to get out of their way in the street, in the supermarket, at bars and so on. Even "nice" ones will interfere and mansplain when you're parking etc. To the point where when a man is genuinely polite and respectful it comes as a surprise.

A teen boy stepped off the pavement recently to let me stay on, that's a 1 in 1000 experience and I was amazed. (And said thanks.) And at the gym once a man came over as he could see I was struggling with a machine. He explained how to use it but took time to agree with me that the instruction pics on it were wrong and apologised for interfering and said he'd had the same issue - in other words he took care to acknowledge how I might feel about his intervention.

Those are two men actually behaving respectfully out of the many hundreds I encounter who don't. And I really appreciate that there are some nice men but what are the chances of unearthing them on OLD?