Dating apps so grim!

[Nelly10]

I’ve started the year with a good mindset I went back on bumble a month ago to see what if any guys looked ok.

My age range is late thirties to early 50s it’s so grim.

I would say the majority are not looking after themselves.

Lots of filtered pictures (even though they put in the bio not into filtered pictures)

Profile pics with a fish
Terrible quality pictures (really close up/sunglasses on)
really bad poses (just have normal pictures?)

The bio’s are horrific
Don't want any drama
You can buy the drinks if you don’t look like your pics (until you do!) I’ve read this 100s of times
I don’t want anyone vanilla! We all know what that means don’t we!

Honestly I know some really decent men in my family and friends but from what I can see literally none on these apps.

Im trying to broaden my interests outside but wow this positive mindset is hard to keep in the dating world!

surely these men aren’t getting anywhere with anyone?

I’m a reasonably attractive 50 something woman and what’s available out there is just not worth pursuing.

At my age the men seem to fall into 3 main categories

• Convinced they can pull women 20 years their junior.
• Want a nurse with a purse to cook, clean and wipe their arse.
• Looking for ‘something casual’ or ‘intimacy without commitment’

And the ones who seem to be looking for an actual relationship are usually pasty faced, slack jawed, dead eyed overweight wearing hi viz and radiating Norman Bates vibes from their too close up selfie taken in what appears to be a public toilet.

@TwistedWonder agree! I'm a 50 something woman. Still turn heads in-person, because I like to look good and spend money on clothes, hair and makeup. I have a very well-paid corporate job, a lovely house, drive a brand new Mercedes, have all the holidays and nights out I want. It would be nice to have male company but that is very much an optional extra. Divorced my husband because he was a waste of space, probably like most of the men on OLD ....

I agree with you, I'm looking at the age range 20s-30s and every profile is the same "looking for someone I can take of fancy holidays" etc no one has anything new to say...

You rate yourself very highly but only talk about your looks and your money. You seem a little superficial.

I'm clearly naive what does 'vanilla' mean then? I thought it meant not boring. I knew fun means s*x.
I'm an idiot because I had been messaging a guy who who didn't want anyone vanilla, he was odd as all he was talking about was army podcasts, so I stopped replying - but I had no idea vanilla was bad too :/

I'm thinking it means something a bit 50 shades? If you're particularly unlucky maybe even swinging?

Non vanilla means they are into some sort of kink but that could cover a lot of bases.

Oh dear!

Are there any other code words I need to avoid?

@StripyShirt there are veggie dating sites aren't there? Are they rubbish?

I'm 36 and 38 is my maximum cut off
(25-38) and mostly date younger because maybe around half the men under 30 look like they've at least semi looked after themselves but after that...it starts to nose dive off a cliff. Maybe 10% of men by 38 on there I'd consider swiping on - if their profile was OK.

They have a cheek to talk about women hitting the wall at 30 when they all take photos with beer bellies!

I'm no real looker so if even I'm this 'fussy' it must be tough for everyone.

Seriously though, it's grim.

Another 50-something woman who just can't be arsed here. I've had a look, chatted to a few and arranged to meet 3 in all - two cancelled, one stood me up. And that was after thinking I'd sifted out the dross.

I may not be the hottest woman in the world but I am at least vaguely presentable and have interests and a personality. SO many men on OLD just spout cliches, and think a photo of themselves in stained tracky bottoms on a messy sofa looking gormless is the best one to put on a dating site. Either that or it's the fish photo, motorbike or Himalayan peak. (Though I suppose they might be just letting you know they'll regularly disappear off and leave you in peace.)

I've been single for nearly 10 years now and while I vaguely think being with a lovely man might be nice, I don't miss it enough to make trawling through OLD worth it. I'll either be swept off my feet in RL or it's mad cat lady all the way.

I'm not sure you can trust the ages at all, which makes it really difficult to search on ages. My friends ex is on Hinge and he says he is 48 he is 58, he does look after himself, and could possibly pass as 48, but he isn't. I'm 51 and have put 45-56, none of the men older than me would actually really want to be with me, based on their photos and comments we'd have nothing to talk about, i'd bore them and they'd bore me.

Oh yes and all the ones basically heavily hinting that they want anal. Nope!

In fact I think it would be good to have a sex category where you can put "vanilla and only vanilla men need apply".

I saw a profile where a 65 year old man who looked like he’d had a very hard life posted pretty much word for word -

I look and act much younger than my age and I’m only looking for a woman 40-50, no higher than a size 10 and at least an 8 for regular adult fun with no strings. No kids or other responsibilities that will stop you being available when required.

I mean I bet the queue for that prince was longer than the one for Bonnie Blue - sad deluded twat

I actually had a first message from a man who said ‘you look like the sort who plays innocent but loves a bit of anal’

Funnily enough I resisted his charms 🤣

I'd say "open minded" is one to avoid.

There's a great fb page called Burned Haystack dating method. Teaches you a little on which profiles to avoid. Any mention of sex in early messages is a no no

Fortunate enough never to have had to OLD.

But do have a funny story about an ex colleague who broke up with her boyfriend, both late 40s and somehow she matched or saw his profile after they broke up.

Her ex put a fake name and had a black and white photo of him smiling ear to ear showing off perfectly straight teeth. But he had yellow teeth from years of smoking and drinking tea, you obviously wouldn't be able to tell but would get a bit of a shock if you agreed to meet up 🤣

Not saying you women are any better, we've all seen the thirst traps and selfie pics on social media that wouldn't be out of place on Only Fans after very obvious break ups.

Most people just want to be loved I suppose, how we go about it probably doesn't make much sense.

How have things gone so wrong that men think it is ok to be like this?

I've come out of a really unhappy marriage and was quite hopeful i'd find someone nice and well matched for me - but perhaps all those men are still married.

How could OLD sites do things better?

Sex positivity also another one to avoid!

I feel like anyone who mentions s*x in a profile has to be a NO; it's just not a normal thing to lead with, is it?

Agree anyone mentioning sex in their profile is basically saying ‘I’m looking for a shag’

Another one that makes me cringe is ‘tactile’ - usually means they’ve got wandering hands and will grope you at any given opportunity

The main problem is that the sheer lack of people on them means any matches will be miles away.

I use Hinge, Bumble, and Match, although the latter is fairly poor. Tried Tinder and didn't like it much, and Plenty of Fish was just a freak show.

For what it's worth, I started out being horrified at the thought of dehumanising people by swiping left or right based on superficial impressions from profiles. I got hardened to it remarkably quickly, however, and here are some of the 'No' criteria I now use:

• Filtered pics
• Group pics - which one is it, FFS?
• Scowling pics
• Marker pen eyebrows
• Inflated lips
• Pics with scribbled out exes
• Pics at race courses
• Being in poor physical shape
• Any pic of profile owner wearing a fascinator
• Pics with children on - any men interested in them are to be avoided, and have these people no concept of safeguarding?
• Awful decor, esp "Live, Laugh,Love" rubbish
• Grey laminate flooring
• The 'Raising a glass" pic
• All the pics on a profile being in bars
• Poor English
• Lack of punctuation
• Any of the following words/phrases, either singly or in combination: "Banter" "No dramas" "Partner in crime" "Country pub" "Sunday lunch" "Log fire" "Work hard play hard" "Long walks"
• Any mention of a height requirement
• A list of what the profile owner doesn't like
• Any mention of honesty, or warnings to "liars and cheats" - utterly pointless. It's not like it will put off any cads is it?

I'm sure people have their own....

Tbf you're filtering mainly on class/personality clash clues there. Which is totally reasonable.

What I don't get (having never used OLD) is that so many men make less than zero effort- no profile, dirty clothes and house, awful photo. It's insane! And that they are also looking for attractive women for casual sex... 🤯

Ok "Roast Dinner" on Hinge - what is that all about.
Why take a picture with your tongue out?
And where did all the facial hair come from? (not my thing).
And - why does it ask about whether you've been vaccinated? I don't particularly care about this - there are other things I care about more - is this really an issue for people?