Dating apps so grim!

[Nelly10]

I’ve started the year with a good mindset I went back on bumble a month ago to see what if any guys looked ok.

My age range is late thirties to early 50s it’s so grim.

I would say the majority are not looking after themselves.

Lots of filtered pictures (even though they put in the bio not into filtered pictures)

Profile pics with a fish
Terrible quality pictures (really close up/sunglasses on)
really bad poses (just have normal pictures?)

The bio’s are horrific
Don't want any drama
You can buy the drinks if you don’t look like your pics (until you do!) I’ve read this 100s of times
I don’t want anyone vanilla! We all know what that means don’t we!

Honestly I know some really decent men in my family and friends but from what I can see literally none on these apps.

Im trying to broaden my interests outside but wow this positive mindset is hard to keep in the dating world!

surely these men aren’t getting anywhere with anyone?

I think you can get lucky, but most likely with a good bloke who might be overlooked by some because for example he's not very tall, or hasn't taken the best pictures.

But I definitely wouldn't recommend "seeing past" those awful bios.

There was an article on bbc I think it was, saying numbers of people on the apps have dropped since a peak in 2023.

Apparently speed dating in person is where it's at!

Yes I can see the benefit of speed dating. You see the person in the flesh. I imagine too many filters in lots of photographs these days.

As an over-50 man with recent dating site experience, I can assure you that the women are just as bad, with 'Me and my horse' replacing the 'Me and my fish' pics.

You're right - it's grim. All you can do is to keep your standards up and resign yourself to a long wait, if necessary. I'm vegan too, just to make it even more difficult, but even then some lovely people still crop up from time to time! Don't even think about the more down market sites 😃

Good luck!

Do you think it puts women off you being vegan or you mean you'd really prefer them at least to be vegetarian? I'd prefer a vegetarian man too really but it seems unlikely

I had a coffee date last w/end with a guy who looked ok on paper but turned out to be an epic skinflint.
Dithered over whether to have a large coffee which was 20p more than a medium.
I ain't got time for that shit. I earn my own money and I enjoy spending it :)
This is someone in a well-paid tech job (unless he was lying about that)

I've gone on dating sites looking at men and women's profiles and the difference in photos is stark.
The majority of women make an effort to take good photos, and take care of their grooming. It's not just how objectively attractive you are, it's that you have made an effort with your clothes, hair, personal grooming. The opposite is true for men. Especially over 40. They seem to have absolutely no idea that their appearance is extremely off-putting.

I disagree with this statement; some of them aren't even divorced yet 😂

Finally (!) I was in Paris last October and the difference in the men between there and London was really noticeable. So many attractive, well-groomed and not overweight men (again 40+). Whereas in London they are all badly dressed, slobby looking and overweight. I was totally shocked as an English woman, how big the difference was.

This absolutely is the case: I lived 15 years in Paris and now live elswhere in France. Obviously there are some overweight people in France and not everyone is a god, but there is a stark difference in grooming, weight/fitness and dress standards between France and the UK.

I actually miss big, chunky men and generally date anglophones, but I am shocked when I go back to the UK and it seems like every man is wearing joggers or a tracksuit and look generally slobby.

If I am going on a date with anyone you can bet your house on the fact that I'll be showered, dolled up and wearing something pretty. Would it really kill men to shower, shave and put a shirt on?

I suspect that it puts them off - we aren't the most popular group of people on the planet 😃.

I say on my profile that I'm vegan and looking for someone 'at least open to exploring the idea'. If people really don't like that then it's a useful filter.

I see very few women saying they are veggie or vegan on their profiles, and suspect that many just leave it off, so I don't look for that in a profile.

I never express anything in negative terms, and ignore profiles that do, as it looks awful and betrays a poor approach to life. Instead, I'll say what I am looking for, eg 'I'm particularly attracted to ladies with real eyebrows' 😃👀

No, OP it isn't just you. I signed up last month, for the first time. I wasn't really sure what to expect.

I've had 19 men contact me and you're right - pictures of fish 😊Why do they think that would be attractive? Do they imagine I'm going to cook a catfish for them? 🤔Or is that the only photo they have?

Otherwise, poor quality photos, messy clothes, men who haven't looked after themselves. None of them seem to care about making a good impression. I do understand that taking a selfie for an OD profile isn't the most relaxing process but surely a clean shirt and a smile wouldn't be difficult.

From a few, the inuendo started as early as the first message despite my profile being completely non-sexual. The whole process made me feel so depressed I've deleted my profile. There has to be a better way.

It just blows me away the vast numbers of male profiles that will have a message like 'been single far too* long now and really want to date' alongside photos of 'me in front of a loo' 'same clothes me in a shittily decorated lounge' 'same clothes me in a messy kitchen.'
(* won't be spelt correctly)

They won't write in their profile what they can offer a woman (nothing) but rather what they want/don't want.

It's just staggeringly entitled. 'I have no friends, no hobbies, don't do anything, don't travel, live in a shit tip, can't even be arsed to tidy up for my profile, (even though I really really want a relationship) so imagine how much effort I will put in when this is my best. Basically, I will not add any value to your life whatsoever. However, I still think I am entitled to a woman 10 years younger than me, who is objectively far more attractive than I am, who will entertain me, tidy up and cook, and have sex with me.'

And the single women in this age group?

A better way would be ...FB hiking and running groups -they sometimes arrange nights out in a pub as well. I have seen some success stories posted on there. You surely have to have time and interest in hiking etc.
Then speed dating and social events such as Bored of Dating Apps...unfortunately the two last ones mentioned won't be free.
OLD apps are grim, that's for sure.

One of my favourite poses (I am being sarcastic here) is the sticking the tongue out poses???

What on earth is that about these are adult men?? Ha honestly it’s depressing.

It’s so bad I’m having to laugh about it!

@Leafy74 the single women in this age group have dumped these men! Most divorces are initiated by women.
My view: women are socialised to believe we need to make an effort with our appearance, and this does not end with marriage/age. Men do not make an effort, and they may get away with it when they are younger and more active, but as they get older the years of self-neglect, drinking and eating too much, have an effect which is clearly visible.

....will find single life is preferable to settling for one of those men. They may find a fwb or some one night stands for the physical side and go it alone for children.

What is the alternative?

And the single women in this age group?

Would a)rather be single than date these men and b)were the ones that dumped the men.

Then why are they on dating apps if they're rather be single?

Stop moaning?

The world doesn't owe you a man.

If you find a good one great, if not stay single.

I don't think they are @Leafy74

I understand there's far more men than women on there.

I go on there occasionally if there's absolutely nothing on tv, swipe left on all of them thinking 'Christ, no thanks, I'd rather be single', then delete the app after about half an hour, happiness that I'm not missing out restored.

So, not on there as such.

I have a number of complaints.

Everyone is up a mountain. When did this become such a thing. What about the rest of us who don't see the need to gallop up every slope?

There are too many beards. Just too many. They never work.

Why do men stand beside their more attractive friend and leave you to work out who they are through a process of disappointed elimination?

Why do people say they don't do drama like it's a virtue. They are advertising their own inability to resolve conflict.

Why do we need to hear that your children are your world, your number one. It's not a competition. It's not appropriate for a dating site

Far too many photos of pints.

Why is it funny to stick your tongue out? It's just not funny.

If you are kissing your dog, you won't be kissing me.

There is a very good article on the BBC today about the decline of dating apps.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cg7zxgxdggjo

In short it's the illusion of options.

Least the very big problem of modern dating is finally getting some recognition. There's going to be sooooo many single childless people in their 40s in ten years time.

Why do we need to hear that your children are your world - that comment alongside EOW as well...

I'm not moaning Leafy 😊

I have my dc, our home, my career, a good life. A partner, a male friendship would be lovely now that ds needs me less and I can commit time to a relationship. Not essential though.

But don't you think it's puzzling that many men sign up for a reason, make the financial outlay but then make no effort to make it work. It's odd.